Death comes to all
by Anarima
Summary: " These memories of his, they were all filled with things he wanted to run from. It seems, whatever you do, your past always follows you. It finds you, no matter how well you've hidden yourself."
1. Past

**So... I wanted to write something dark (and probably weirdly emotional) for The Undertaker and I will be glad if someone likes it. It's my first story (I've never published anything online before) here. ****My apologies if something in the text is wrong spelled or not right told, English is not my native language. I'll be happy to hear what you think of it ;3  
**

**The story is kind of connected with a certain part in the manga, so I am obliged to tell you that some original details that I take are a spoiler. I'm involving all the other characters too along with a couple of OCs except the main heroine. Thanks for reading that, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or anyone in it (too bad anime people don't exist) xd**

* * *

I.

_**Why do people fear death? It's so beautiful… and calm.**_

_ NO! Don't do this, please honey! You know I love you. I'm begging you. Kill me, not the kids!_

**_Brings peace to people. After so much struggle and living with so much pain in their world._**

_ Mum's dead, Time! Run! Save yourself brother! What are you doing, dad? Why!?_

**_Death sets us free. Freedom. Isn't that what everyone desires?_**

_ Voices of boys screaming. Footsteps. Agony. And finally silence._

**_What difference makes this? There's no point in this freedom or love. Or anything… in that last moment -parting with everything you know._**

_ Where are you boooy? I know you're hiding somewhere. It's stupid to hide from your dad, isn't it, son? If you don't come out… I will find you._

**_Death comes to all and no one can escape it._**

"What's with that new dark vibe of yours, darling?" Asked softly Grell Sutcliff, tearing the Undertaker apart from his mind. " I've never seen you like this. Very sexy, you know."

Undertaker was standing on the edge, leaning on his imposing death-scythe and not saying a word. Grell sat on the edge right next to him and crossed his legs. They were on the roof of an old building in London.

It was early in the morning and the scarlet sunrise was waking up the sleeping city. The first sunbeams cast back gleams on Grell's fire colored hair, blowing on the light wind. He looked at the sun and then back at Undertaker.

And he couldn't take his eyes off Undertaker's sharp beauty, his hair, shining like liquid silver.

"Is it about lost love?" Grell jumped on his feet again and leaned against Undertaker and squealed. "Ahh, that's so romantic... I can't breathe! She left you because of something, didn't she? Why don't you show your toxic green eyes more often? That would…"

In this moment Undertaker turned around at lightning speed and set his death-scythe against Grell's throat, making him swallow, slowly. He was burning with anger.

"Because of people like you, who don't know how or when to stop talking." He whispered, but Grell still felt a shaking note, which made him look surprised at his colleague.

"Ok, ok." He raised his hands in self defense. "Why you get so fired up?"

Undertaker stood up there a few more seconds and finally stepped away. Grell narrowed his eyes.

"No need of killing me, honey."

"Shut up. Why are you here?"

"Will wants to see you. He's got a job for you." Grell rolled his eyes.

"Well then. What a relief!" He turned away, making his dark robe dance on the concrete surface.

"Wait." Grell popped up in front of him. "You can tell me what's wrong, you know that right?"

Undertaker laughed loudly.

"I didn't know that Grell Sutcliff can be _that_ serious. Where did that come from?"

"Just sayin'." Grell shrugged. "I thought…"

But before Grell could finish his sentence, Undertaker was long gone.

* * *

**The actions are taking place many years after everything that happened in the manga, that's why I should say that my Undertaker is, except that his eyes aren't covered, a liiittle bit OC himself, he's not really the insane laughing type that he is in the original story. He will become that... for a certain chapter(s). But it will be a brief condition. I will explain the reason why I am doing all that and why he's so different. Anyway I really hope that you will like the idea.**

**Uhm, and, I have rated it M, but it's actually more of a T, T-M, because I don't know, wounds, stitches, blood and something a little bit more than romance is what I had in mind and I can't be sure if anyone searching T will be fine with these things. **


	2. Task

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

II.

Undertaker didn't even walk fast, but he arrived at the Main Department of the death gods sooner than he expected.

He entered the building and headed to William Spears' office. He opened the polished wooden door and entered the room. William's office was perfectly neat, with a strong breath of discipline. A big white window was taking the place of the left wall, enlightening the desk and the library in the room.

On the desk was sitting William himself in his grey suit and the usual square glasses, writing something very intently. His desk was littered with books and white sheets of paper. The Undertaker closed the door loudly, so he may be noticed. Because he knew William hated being surprised or less – scared. Although he loved scaring people, now he wasn't in the mood of it.

"Will, what do you want?"

William raised his head and fixed his glasses.

"Ah, Undertaker. I have a task for you. And it's quite complicated so I require precisely you to do it."

Undertaker raised his eyebrow. He sighed and pulled out his death book – raven black with silver facing. Then he went to Will's desk and took the black feather in his right hand, immersing it into the ink.

"I'm listening." He smirked to Will and waited.

"So… " Will began, looking cross at his feather in the hands of another. "You have to collect four souls. It's a family of five members – the father, the mother and the two sons die tonight at 23:17 pm. The daughter stays alive. "He stressed the last two words.

Undertaker raised his head astounded.

"Will, I'm not like Grell killing people when I decide they're annoying or just don't like them. But I'm not getting what's so special about this so called "task"." He noticed with irritation.

"Well… " Will got up and turned around, taking a book from the bookshelf behind him. "The father in this family is an ex-shinigami."

Undertaker froze.

"But… that means…" stammered he.

"Yes. He, his wife and his sons can only be killed by a death-scythe. That means they will all be murdered tonight. By a shinigami. He's known with the nickname Teryx Cron. No one actually knows who he is. He is bothering us for too long and I think it's time to stop this madness already. Since a shinigami who kills must be punished, I need you to investigate or whatever you want. Just bring me this… mindless monster and we'll deal with it. Any questions?"

"Yes. A lot of question. How is an ex-shinigami existing?"

"I don't know him personally. All I know is that he had stoppped collecting souls, beginning a life among the humans."

"And everybody here is perfectly fine with that? You didn't react so calm when I decided to do things on my own."

"You can't be compared with anyone else of this kind and you know that perfectly." William searched the book in his hands. "That shinigami had just given up on his job with the only motive - living peacefully. You... you were something else."

"Ok, so I should wait for a mad man to kill four shinigamis and then chase after him. Is that what you're asking me to do?"

"Yeah, it's their time to die. I can't change the devine laws."

Undertaker's eyes were distant as if he was remembering something.

"What?" William glanced at him. "You are my best shot and I count on you, because you never fail to do your job. Can you do it or not?"

"Yes, I can." He closed his dead book tumultuous and returned the black feather to his owner.

"Good. You're dismissed."

Undertaker left the room deeply sunk into his thoughts and headed to the Library of the Records.


	3. Library of Records

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

III.

He entered the flamboyant Library of the Records. The magnificent view never failed to amaze him. At one of the cloudy white bench-like seats located all around the library he found Grell and Ronald. They were chatting. Sometimes Undertaker was feeling extremely bad for having perfect hearing.

"I've never seen him like that in my life. Like... I don't know… he was upset. However I couldn't find out why."

"Like I would say anything to a gossip like you." Laughed Undertaker and the sound rang out in the spacious library. Around Grell and Ron fell silence and they just stopped talking and followed every move of the newcomer.

He approached them slowly, still his thoughts somewhere far. And didn't really pay attention to anything around him. The only sound in the library was from his robe.

The gentle gliding of the exquisite, obscure matter was echoing through the hall and the graceful, gentle steps of his black high-boots were depressing the white marble as if wasn't a hard stone, but a fine silk surface, almost like dancing. Undertaker's steps weren't disturbing the atmosphere of the library at all, but they surely disturbed Grell's mind, because the silence was breached by his loud sigh.

"Ahhh, sweetheart. You got me all unprepared with this gorgeous gait of yours."

"Grell, stop it." It was Ronald, choking with suppressed laughter caused by Undertaker's expression. "Stop it or you might end up in peaces."

"Will I? Oh dear…" Grell exclaimed in delight, obviously not caring about his life safety. An awkward silence followed until Grell decided to finally leave. He stood up with another deep sigh. "Ok, guys! I gotta collect a few souls. See ya later!"

He sent a flying kiss and disappeared through the exit door.

"We should find him someone… " Ronald shook his head. "Otherwise he's a total tragedy."

"Yeah." Undertaker started searching trough the records.

"What are you looking for?" Asked curiously his colleague.

"Something in particular. Have you heard of Teryx Cron?"

"Uhm. Yeah. Isn't he the massive murderer of shinigami families? One big trouble for the us I must say, because he's literally a ghost. And … why are you so interested?"

A few minutes passed and he continued his search faster and faster, throwing records on the floor, furiously grabbing and emptying the shelves.

"I need to … " Undertaker was already breathing with a bit of an effort. "I need to find him, I need to… catch him and you know I am supposed to "know my enemy" before I … meet him. That's not very possible… because meeting him tonight doesn't… give me any time. "

He brushed his silver hair back and stepped backwards surveying the pile of books and the messy bookshelves in which he was just seeking, determined to find what he was looking for.

" I think I might somehow… I don't know, recognize his real name… when I see it with my eyes." He continued scanning through the high shelves, left and right." Then rushed again searching fierce.

"Undertaker?" Ronald sounded doubtful. "Undertaker, what are y-"

All of a sudden the Undertaker stopped searching and rested his hands on the wooden bookshelves, heavily breathing.

"You know… That's pointless." He turned around and leaned his back on the shelves, his eyes intently watching a point somewhere in the air in front of him.

"Undertaker? Are you alright?" Ronald didn't know what to do, because in his mind, seeing this guy in such a situation was like talking about comedy while someone dear to you is dying. It's so very wrong and the two things are just not compatible together. The Undertaker was imposing and always horrifying in his perfection of working. That shade of doubt in his eyes was something new to Ronald and it meant something to really worry about.

"You're as white as the marble under your feet." Ron insinuated with banter and waited for the effect.

The Undertaker startled and looked at Ronald in surprise, confusion, then finally anger.

"I am perfectly fine, thanks for showing such deep concern in my health." He turned back to the mess of books behind him.

"Help me put these back in order. I am done searching. For now."

_Well, that was fast._ The thought ran through Ronald's mind. They started putting the records back on their places in silence. First broke the silence Ronald.

"Man, I think you should get away from this place a bit…" Offered Ron slowly and quieter than usual.

Undertaker pierced Ronald with a cold glare and continued his work fast and concentrated. After a few minutes he slowed down, struggling intensely with his pride.

"I guess you're right." Said he with resignation and put the last book on one high shelf. "I really need to get out of here."

Ron smirked and looked at his old golden watch.

"It's almost three o'clock."

"Ok. Fine. I get it. I'm leaving!" He made a few steps backwards, then turned around and headed to the door. "Are you happy?"

"I'm happy."

He left the library just as he entered it - soundless, leaving Ronald behind with his apprehensions and wondering what the hell is going on with Undertaker.


	4. Familiar

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

IV.

Deciding to go back to London, Undertaker made his way to the London centre, ignoring the curiously looking passers-by. With the aspiration of a thunderstorm he was crossing the streets until finally arriving at his office. Or kind of. Well, the people called it that way. For its owner it was more than an office.

Usually everyone perceived this place like a forgotten hole, sodden with insanity. Probably because they connect it with death and death isn't the most pleasant thing that happens in people's life.

In fact it was pretty dark and rusty. Everything was deeply sunk in webs and dust. But Undertaker was finding it lovely. It was lovely and he wasn't going to change it. And why would he?

He traced the smooth edge of the laying coffin on his left with his fingers, wiping the dust.

_Teryx Cron… I've heard that somewhere._

Although in the room was a complete silence, outside was the opposite. The ever present noise of carriage wheels and human speech was bothering his preoccupied mind. He leaned his back on the pitch plot, grabbing the black top-hat.

_Teryx Cron._

He put the hat on his head slightly awry.

_I have got to remember._

Suddenly the door opened.

_Oh goodness, not again._

A noble thirteen years old boy entered with steps soaked up with pride, followed by his literally loyal to death servant – his demonic butler Sebastian. There was something very wicked in him, under the lofty mien of course.

Undertaker knew that the demons were sly and merciless. Even looking at this one was making him sick. He was already aware of the contract between Sebastian Michaelis and Ciel Phantomhive and as for the boy, he accepted him as a fool.

In his mind was coded that the human soul is something far more precious than the ordinary intellect can imagine. No one should offer his soul as a gift.

_Especially_ to a demon. Although his animosity, he had to remain indifferent to people's choices. His only job was to take care of the "boundless" souls and Ciel's soul wasn't one of these, because it was already votive to the infernal creature standing right beside him.

"Good day, Undertaker." Firstly spoke Ciel.

The Undertaker saluted facetiously with two fingers. Then took one ceramic pot and examined it very carefully.

"What brings you here, Ciel Phantomhive?"

"I came to ask you something. There are six victims…"

"Listen, if you're looking for the bodies, I haven't seen any." He snapped the boy, continuing to look at the pot.

"Are you sure?" Ciel's voice was serious and even as always.

"You're joking." Laughed Undertaker. "Funny. Nice one."

A brief silence fell.

"We think that the murderer is planning at least four more appearances." Sebastian joined the conversation with his mysterious and at the same time elegant voice. "This is the list of the victims.

Sebastian brought out a folder with pages and took the first page out, handing it to Undertaker. The latter took the page and read the names and the ages of the victims.

"Udane, 35; Nicole, 27; Daisy, 42; Eaden,

22; Rose, 56; Terra, 17"

"And what am I supposed to do?" Asked absently Undertaker, throwing the page in the air.

"There is something… on the crime scenes. Something quite strange. "Ciel continued.

"So what?"

"You might want to come and see it." Were the last words of Ciel and he opened the door, leaving it open. Sebastian smirked and glanced at Undertaker, before closing the door.

Undertaker was a bit confused. He was never invited. And he never showed himself to any crime scene. Why would he be necessary now?

He left the ceramic pot on the plot angry, hating when there was no answer to any of the questions in his head. He laid himself in the laying open coffin and closed his eyes. It always helped him to think.

Silence.

_Strange… Very strange indeed. I cant... remember._

And then the thought hit him instantly, like a paper cut to his mind. It was so sudden that made him open his eyes.

_Ahh, yes. _

_I see._

_Four more to go._

**U**dane, **N**icolas, **D**aisy, **E**aden, **R**ose, **T**erra

* * *

**Sorry for making you wait so long, I hope you'll forgive me ;) and as always love you guys ;3**


	5. Accusation

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji **

* * *

V.

Undertaker jumped out of the coffin and picked up the page with the victim's names from the ground. He saw the address of the last victim and left the office shutting the door behind him.

While running to the scene of the crime his thoughts kept searching through his mind for a name, which sounded painfully familiar, but at the same time distant and…blur. He had the odd feeling of searching something that he didn't want to find.

This name… it felt like intentionally hidden somewhere very deep and locked up in his mind.

He finally arrived at the address. The house where Terra Stone lived was beautiful and small, very affable. However it was surrounded of people and police officers. There was no trace of Ciel Phantomhive or his butler.

Undertaker stopped on the other side of the street, in the shadow of the building behind him. It was impossible to enter the house and see the place where the girl was murdered with all these people. He wandered what Ciel meant with "quite strange".

"They already took the body." Announced Grell Sutcliff behind him.

"Grell, what are you even doing here? Don't you have work to do?" Asked Undertaker with annoyance, without even turning around.

"Don't worry about me, sweetheart!" Smiled Grell charming and stood right next to Undertaker, looking at the people in front of Terra's house.

"Did you get a closer look of the crime scene?"

"No, but I got a closer look of the girl. Don't ask how."

"Have you noticed something unusual then?"

"Except the beautiful red blood, the usual scar on the right hand and the throat-cut. Nope. Nothing special."

"The usual scar? Does that mean that the other victims have it too?"

"You're catching the point. There is a scar that the murderer leaves on every single victim." Grell curled one red tuft from his hair very pensive.

"The same scar every time?"

"It's actually a word. He carves a word in the victim's skin."

Undertaker looked at Grell inquiring. He met his gaze.

"It's in Latin. "Libitinarius" Said Grell slow and cautiously, waiting for Undertaker to react.

"As expected…" The Undertaker turned around and his chest pressed against something sharp. William held his death-scythe against Undertaker.

"Will, what are you doing?"

"Come on. We all know Latin. And it's not that hard figuring it out." He fixed his glasses. "There is only one Undertaker."

"Don't you think it's incredibly stupid to come here and stare at the girl's house… no way. You guys actually believe I'm responsible for all this."

"Why not? You're fitting the description perfectly."

"Why does everyone think I'm the villain?" He looked up. "Every time."

"Well… aren't you?" Grell crossed his arms.

"William, I don't kill people and you know that."

"You have already experimented with them once… Why not kill them? You betrayed us once. You crossed the line, we gave you second chance. But breaking the law for the second time?"

"This is ridiculous." Undertaker exclaimed. "And I'll prove you you're wrong."

He pulled out the page with the victims given him by Sebastian and showed it to William.

"According to the document some people heard screaming from Terra's house at 11pm. Fortunately I always write the date and time when a task is given to me." He opened his dead book and handed it to William.

"11:02 am, Thursday, 22 September

Four people die at 23:17 pm (the father, the mother and the two sons);

Venille estate, west outskirts of London"

"Also the ink is yours." Undertaker smiled to him widely.

William just stood there, staring the Undertaker with half-closed eyes for a minute, before he finally stepped back, tossing the dead book to it's owner.

"Ok. Why is your name everywhere then?" Asked Grell still not trusting his colleague.

" I have no idea." The Undertaker pulled lightly his collar. "I think it's some kind of warning. And it's addressed to me. Someone is preparing something for me. And yet I don't feel surprised."

William cleared his throat.

"Undertaker… The victim's souls are missing." They both exchanged glances. "It seems the murderer is shinigami after all.

"Human souls, what would you need human souls for?" Grell furrowed.

_Is that who I'm thinking it is?_ Asked the voice in the Undertaker's mind.


	6. Questions

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

VI.

" You're right… the only shinigami in this area who I'm not aware of existing under our supervision is that murderer." Said William evenly like he was presenting an official report.

"So, there must be some kind of mistake… "Grell wiped his lenses.

The three death-gods were gathered at William's office repeating the facts. A short silence fell in the room. Undertaker stood still staring thoughtfully through the big window.

"You are sending me to collect souls. But if it's Teryx Cron who killed these six people, taking their souls, he surely will steal my souls too. I don't understand. Human and both shinigami souls. I don't like the sound of it."

"You won't let that happen, am I right?"

"I won't."

"It seems-"

"He's waiting for me to come and meet him. " Undertaker continued Grell's sentence. "If that's what he desires. I doubt it's only that."

"We still have a lot of questions. Who is this man? Is he working alone?" Stated William.

"What is that covetousness for souls?" Wandered Undertaker.

"And why you're so special for him?" Grell grinned. "Your name's everywhere. Well not your real name..."

"I guess we'll find out. Soon enough." Undertaker looked at the clock on the wall." There are three hours left."

"So what you're going to do next?" William asked.

Then a surprising idea appeared in his head.

"I am going to my office. Here, in the Department."

Grell and William glanced at each other for a second.

"You haven't visited that room for, I don't know, half a century. Why now?" Grell couldn't remain silent.

Undertaker looked at them.

"I have the strange feeling that I may find answers." He said more to himself.

He left the room, but William followed him in the corridor and called his name.

"Undertaker, I'd like to offer you help with that task. Since this murderer might be hard to catch."

"William, are you questioning my skills?"

"He won't hesitate to kill you."

"So I won't show mercy."

William fixed his glasses and said nothing. Undertaker turned away and took a few steps.

"And Undertaker?"

"What?"

"Tell to your demonic friend and his infant master that we aren't killing these people. That should calm them down."

Undertaker nodded and ran through a few corridors after finally reaching a familiar door.

He opened it and breathed а stuffy stepped forward and closed the door. His robe raised a big cloud of grey dust in the air. The silver particles of dust were dancing freely, shining on the fading sunlight. They were decorating the old wooden furniture.

He hasn't been here for a long time. It was too bright and exposed for his taste.

Despite all it had it's charm. Vintage and old. The place had absorbed many memories. It had a small library with one leather arm-chair, a desk and strangely – a bed. He had nowhere else to sleep when he got here first. It was so long ago… he remembered only his confusion and loss back then.

_Pathetic._ He led himself by a strange feeling and here he is. He remembered why he left this office. It reminded him of the past and he hated that. He abandoned this little room in order to tear himself from all of it. But perhaps the past could help him this time.

Undertaker walked around the desk and sat on the chair behind it, leaning himself backwards. At least it was calm and quiet…

_Why is that name so painfully familiar?_ He watched how the candle colored the dark brown desk in bloody red.

_Teryx… Teryx why have I hidden you so well in my mind? _Countless webs were enveloping the small library. He enjoyed the presence of the dozen spiders that seemed to be pleased with their huge home, living there undisturbed for decades.

He opened absently the first drawer of the desk and saw in there a pack of documents and a pen. He stared a bit at the documents and smiled at a pleasant memory. Then he took the pen.

The pen was in piano black, with beautiful golden ring in the middle. It was pure black except…

He rolled it in his hands and suddenly dropped it standing up on his feet. His eyes widened in stupefaction, wandering somewhere far away from here. Seconds later he grabbed the pen again and read the golden initials that were carved in it. **T.C. **

_It can't be true. _He leaned his back on the cold wall. _After all this time._

* * *

**I am so sorry it took me so much time to update, got a few problems. Here it is at last - the next chapter. I will not stop until I finish this story so don't worry. I will stop uploading only if I die xD So, enjoy and let me know what you think! Love ya.**


	7. Teryx Cron

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

VII.

Undertaker left the building as a ghost – pale and quiet. He skimmed fast and silent, sunk into his thoughts, fighting a furious inner battle. The sun was long gone and the air was trembling with autumn chill. The wind was performing his sad wintry dance with its garment of gold, crimson and brown.

From his window - a few levels higher - William traced his colleague with a thoughtful expression.

"Grell, gather the best shinigami you know. We are going after him."

* * *

He found it faster than he expected. The Venille estate wasn't really big, but it had its own clean and trim garden with one miniature fountain with little white angels. Obviously the owner insisted on the order and the perfection in the details. It was 23:10 and the silence was gravely. It was too quiet and dark. Undertaker held his death-scythe close.

His heart was confused. This hasn't happened to him before. Except one time.

But his mind was clear. His heart wanted him to go back and leave this place, but his mind forced him to do his job. Perfectly. Like he always did. But this time was different. He wasn't sure what will happen now.

He entered the almost sunk in pure darkness lobby. He noticed a door, probably to the living room and it was on his right. Across the room was taking place a small fireplace. There was just one candle burning, on the fireplace. He got one step closer and froze. Pair of wicked, verdant eyes was fixed on him. The candle light was enough for everyone to see the man, leaned on the stone, smile.

"Hello, father." Said Undertaker, examining the familiar man. His silver hair was short, his eyes sharp.

He also carried an old fashioned rapier with beautiful silver and gold flowers encrusted on it. Undertaker knew that wasn't ordinary weapon. _Death-scythe._ The man didn't move at all, but laughed loudly, which made Undertaker look instantly at the door to the living room.

"So! I'm glad you remembered. Won't you come and hug me?" Said the man with a begging tone.

"Why would I want to do that?" Undertaker's voice was emotionless.

Teryx Cron waved with his hand and laughed again. Undertaker moved a few steps closer to the door.

"Anyway." Teryx' voice lost its life, turning into a cold razor." The soul is an important thing, don't you think… my son?

"I've known how you treat the things that are important to you." Undertaker stared at the hypnotizing candle flame. "Leave this place. Now."

Teryx Cron laughed again and pulled out his rapier.

"Son… you don't get it, do you? I can't do that, sorry." He sounded disappointed. "You don't want to taste my blade."

"Don't call me that way." Undertaker tried to stay as calm as possible. "I have nothing to do with you."

"Get real… You can't escape your genes." Teryx Cron declared preconceived and smiled. "Poor boy, he'll become just like me…"

Then he continued seriously.

"You never understood, boy. I am putting them out of their misery. I help them to escape this reality, this hell. They should be grateful!"

The Undertaker took a breath and exhaled louder than he wanted.

"Is that a proper reason to kill my brothers? Your wife? Is it?

"Son-

"SHUT UP! You stopped being my father in the moment you entered the house that night.

"I did it, because I loved them. I love you." Teryx shrugged and then loud screams echoed through the house. They came from the door next to the Undertaker. He couldn't manage to differentiate how many people were they in there. Was there anyone still alive?

"You are not alone?" Undertaker stated more to himself, facing the door. _Another shinigami?_

"Oh, that's my beloved." Teryx sighed. "Lilith."

He made a pause and bit his lip.

"She really likes blood, who am I to blame her?"

Horrifying noises followed his question, a glass shattered. Undertaker looked aside.

"I thought you got used to dying people already. Just what a professional death god, ha?" Teryx taunted. "Didn't they tell you "not to involve feelings"?

"You are so perverse, you know that?"

"Well. You've made yourself clear, son." His father smiled and blew the candle. "Let me show you how much I love you."

All silhouettes faded in the black night. Fortunately The Undertaker was used to darkness and saw his father's sword early enough to parry it. His father tried to attack him from his right, but he just took a step back, spinning in order to face his fathers back.

It was too dark, but he had the privilege to wear black robe, uniting himself with the darkness. Sadly they both had silver hair, which was informing both of them for the exact location of the other one. His father tried to find his weak spot, but he didn't really succeed.

They both moved very fast. Undertaker was hesitating. There was something bothering him against every logic. _Is it right for someone to kill his own father?_

"You're good, but you'll never beat me." Teryx laughed. He was clearly enjoying the fight.

_But what if he's a serial killer, I might stop these murders once and for all…_He pushed another attack.

_But still…I can't do that. I can't... kill. It's not me who gives life. It's not me that should take it away. _He had lived with the horrible things he had done, but he had never killed a living being and somehow... deep inside he didn't want to.

"Aren't you tired yet, son? Should I put you to sleep now?"

_He killed the ones I loved mostly. _

Teryx Cron tried to behead him, but his son bowed and immediately rushed into another attack.

_He destroyed everything I held dear back then. He's a living insanity. He must be stopped. But he's the one who gave me life. I…I can't take away his. _Suddenly he repulsed the sword, but he exposed his chest and his father took advantage of that, slicing his skin just below the heart at lightning speed. And the pain was dreadful.

* * *

**Here's the next chapter. Hope you like it ;3 **


	8. Tears

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

VIII.

Teryx stopped his attacks and took a few steps back. A brief silence fell and they both heard that it was raining outside. The raindrops were falling quietly, like tears. The rain was darkening the night sky even more.

"I told you I will find you. When you were little. But you ran away from me. Remember? Why would you run from your own father? I love you. I know what's best for you."

Undertaker felt like he had drunk liquid fire, burning through his veins now. _Something's not right. _He held his chest with his empty hand.

"Your frenzy has swallowed your humanity. You don't know love. It's beyond your abilities…dad. " Undertaker inclined his head and smiled with pity.

His father was going to say something, but he was interrupted by the opening of the door.

The other room was bright and it lit up the lobby too. A beautiful woman in a long red dress walked in. Her golden hair was crowned with a circle of white roses. Her eyes were shining in crimson flame. Her feet were stained with blood. She licked her white gloves, now with red spots. In the moment she saw Undertaker she made obeisance to him.

He had seen this somewhere. That seducing walk, the manners. Ancient evil. Her eyes were on fire, like a beast, like a monster. Cat eyes.

_Great. I just found Sebastian a girlfriend._

"I can't believe you've fallen so low. Mating with such filthy creatures like demons."

Undertaker trembled in pain and he was forced to lean himself on the wall just to keep standing. It felt like something has wrapped him in chains and now it tightened the grip. He remained in the shadowed part of the room. _Is that all from just one swordcut?_

Teryx Cron took slowly Lilith's hand like a gentleman and kissed it.

"Don't insult my lady." He placed his hand on her waist and drew her to himself. "Isn't she gorgeous?" His rapier was still in his other hand.

"These boys were so adorable. I didn't want to hurt them like I did… with their parents. They were even cuter when they tried to escape. But don't worry…I didn't fancy them that much as I fancy you, love." She placed her hands on Teryx' shoulders. Her voice was soft and very pleasant. " They screamed like little girls when I showed them my love."

She made a pause and then continued.

"I believe there's no one alive here anymore." She smiled to the man in front of her. Her voice was so innocent, but she looked so unnatural happy with all this blood on her clothes.

_But what about…the girl?_

"My personal angel of death." Teryx kissed her briefly and then turned his face back to his son. "Good."

Lilith grabbed Teryx' hand.

"My love, I sense at least a dozen shinigami nearby. They are coming closer, what do we do?"

Suddenly in the lobby rushed in a girl. _Thank God, she's alive._ Undertaker sighed with relief. _I just need to find a way to keep her alive._

It was too dark for anyone to see her face. She was dressed with long-sleeved black coat with a hood on her head and judging by her tough breathing, she has run for a while. Once she entered the lobby she startled because of the strangers in her house.

But she didn't say a word. She looked at the man and the woman in blood. Then she traced the fresh blood drops on the floor and finally distinct Undertaker from the darkness. It seemed that she was estimating the situation.

"Sweetie, they're coming." Lilith didn't seem quite worried. "But it seems we haven't extinguished this family completely..." She continued calmly, following every step of the girl. The latter stopped immediately once she heard these words.

Her confusion took a second. Then she ran through the hall, heading to the living room.

"We don't have enough time for the girl… You better go, honey. I'm coming right away."

Undertaker used the moment of distraction and caught the girl's shoulder, stopping her just before the door.

"Don't go." He tried to save her what she was going to witness, but she just jerked off of his hand and entered the living room.

He saw how she dropped on her knees in a complete silence; she started weeping quietly. She was shocked, denying what her eyes were seeing.

"Oh my God, no!" She covered her face with her hands.

Teryx Cron fixed on his son.

"Are you sure, love?" Lilith asked.

"Yes. Go."

Then she walked graciously out of the room.

"I'll finish with you some other time. I am sure this is not our last meeting. You are an interesting companion in conversations and a worthy opponent in a fight. I would be such a waste to kill you just now." He made his way to the front door and stopped when he reached it.

"I guess we'll see each other again." He turned to his son and laughed. "If you manage to survive that wound of course."

The girl ran out of the living room, screaming.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! I WILL KILL YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?" Teryx watched her with an expression, a mixture of pity and curiosity.

"You're probably wondering why I didn't kill you too. Well, I'd say I feel bad for you for the sake of my son…but I won't lie. It's quite fun watching you all alone now."

He turned around with a smile on his face and walked away.

"YOU AND YOUR BITCH WILL GO BACK TO HELL! YOU'LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

She was going to chase after him, but Undertaker gripped her in his arms, pulling her back.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" She cried out, struggling to get away from him. "LET ME GO, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!"

"You'll get killed if you go."

"I DON'T CARE, RELEASE ME!" She screamed again.

"I can't do that." He whispered.

She used her nails and all her desperation into setting herself free of his tight hold. A whole eternity passed, before she finally stopped fighting. Her spirit finally broke and she fell down on her knees. Undertaker released her. She covered her face and sobbed.

"Why?" Her voice was quiet and trembling. "Why?"

And then another wave of pain struck Undertaker to the ground, unconscious. The girl turned to him in surprise. Right after that William entered with the rest of the shinigami. He looked around and ordered some things to a few shinigami quietly.

"Oh my, what happened here?" Grell made his way through the lobby and his gaze dropped at the girl and at his colleague lying unconscious next to her.

He went to Undertaker and checked his pulse. William watched him inquiring.

"He's breathing… but… not quite normal."

* * *

**Well, this chapter came out pretty dark. Because it's supposed to be.**

**Thank you very much for reading, random stranger. I appreciate it and it makes me really happy. I hope you like it.**

**Love ya.**


	9. Wound

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

IX.

"What do you mean by not quite normal?" William asked with serious voice.

The light was restored in the lobby with the help of the shinigami. Everyone, except William and Grell, went to the living room. The others were carefully cleaning the bodies and setting them one next to the other in silence.

"He's poisoned." This time was the girl, whispering. Her voice was dry, her tears weren't falling anymore. She looked so helpless, pale and blank as a greek sculpture, with eyes heavy of sorrow. She took her breath, shattered in peaces and added with a shaking whisper. "The rapier... of that disgusting fiend."

William was looking her doubtful.

"I know a poison when I see it." The girl stood up with all the power she had left and continued quietly. "And the blade was covered with poison."

"And you are completely sure?"

"I am." Her voice changed. It got darker and became emotionless, it was completely empty. "Shinigami medicine is my great interest."

"Alright then. We're lucky to have you. Is there any way that he can be saved?"

The girl watched him with astonishment.

"Wait…Don't tell me you haven't heard of shinigami poison. I thought you guys have proper medics, doctors, specialists…you know." Her voice was impenetrable and pure like a diamond, she glared at William, then at Grell, who was shaking his head slowly. William fixed his glasses and sighed.

"If we ever end up wounded, we let our wounds to heal from itself. We never had a doctor around. This man right here is very important, because unlike most of the shinigami, he's very good at his job. So, if you please, tell us how we can save him." His voice was even as always, but with a slightly peremptory tone.

"I…" She caught a slight accusation in his words. It was quite unfair considering a psychotic couple killed her family an hour ago, but she didn't say a thing, because she was aware of how cold and emotionless shinigami can be.

It wasn't their fault, their job was demanding it. She kept repeating that in her mind, fearing that she'd lose it. She took a breath and kept talking - I believe there's an antidote. There's only one type, so let's hope this man's poison isn't some new kind.

There was a brief silence in which William stared at her with a penetrating glare. She turned around, but he stopped her.

"Ravenna Venille, right?"

"Yes."

He reached out his hand to her and she shook it, striking him with a cold glare.

"William Spears, nice to meet you." He sounded quite respectful and she knew that was like an apology for his tone just a minute ago.

It seems the man lying on the floor unconscious was far more important than she thought. Like she had to care about him or anyone of his pathetic league of emotionless wrecks serving to some despicable humans and their miserable souls. No way…

Ravenna went to her room and lit up a candle. It was around midnight and very dark. The raindrops were crashing into the window-glass. She was at panic, trying not to think of what happened with her family. She tried turning off her mind, deciding to ignore all her thoughts.

All she was from now on was a living void. She was even moving without putting any thought in it. One of the walls in her room was completely occupied with books and all kinds of weird stuff she was putting there in the small places between them.

She went closer to it and examined the shelves, rummaging between two novels. Then carried out a little round flask with dark liquid inside.

When she returned to the lobby there was a heated argument between William and Grell, but once she got close they stopped talking. She handed the bottle to William, but he stood still.

"What?" She asked even. "He's dying. Won't you do something for your precious friend?"

"I am not really clear about how exactly to treat an illness like that." William stated, without daring to look in her eyes. Instead he stared at The Undertaker, seeing how the life was leaving him fast." I'll have to ask you to do it.

"Give me one reason why should I help the son of the murderer of my family! Give me one reason!" She said with clenched teeth. Her void was replaced by infinite hatred. She didn't feel anything else except bitterness and anger.

William and Grell looked at each other in confusion, but William brought himself quickly back to his senses.

"I can't give you such reason. It's your choice. You can save his life or take it away."

Her look fixed on the silver-haired man lying on the floor absolutely powerless. His wound was very deep; he has lost a lot of blood. She wanted to hate him, she honestly wanted to destroy him and his father in the most painful way, to put them into the torment she was into now.

And still…she couldn't do that. Somehow she didn't want his death, as she wanted it for his father. Maybe because he was different. He stopped her from a certain death, act of kindness. He saved her life. There was a spark of goodness in him. So there was hope for him. He didn't deserve death. She was obliged to return the favor. He had to live. He…had to be saved.

Ravenna sighed and kneeled next to Undertaker. She took his temperature, his skin was pale, he was burning. Then she lifted his head, emptying the little bottle in his mouth. It was probably unpleasant, judging by his labored breathing.

"You are completely insane." Grell said really heated up.

"It will be as I say. Are you aware that ordinary p- shinigami wouldn't bear anything more after such a tragedy?"

"Excuse me, what's the controversy about?" She stood up, facing the two shinigami.

It had to be past midnight already.

They both became silent. Grell seemed to be mad about something and he couldn't keep the silence from going on.

"We'll take him with us in the Department. And William wants to leave you here all alone after everything that happened."

"I think you would be better off without any of this." William looked around.

"Well…actually I...I don't want to stay here…" She swallowed, watching intently the ground. She felt it in her chest, that suffocating feeling of hopelessness. She knew she wouldn't survive this night completely alone. Especially here, in the house.

Then she looked to William and added quickly "He needs immediate help and as I heard you've got no one that can offer it to him.

"Of course you don't want to. You can come with us. Actually isn't it dangerous to leave you here all alone?" Grell continued, turning to William.

"Let me go with you to the Department. Just…for this night. We don't have much time…"

Right after, The Undertaker trembled, writhing with pain. Everyone looked at him. Ravenna wrinkled her brows disapproving.

Long silence followed, William was watching her, assessing the situation and the opportunities. Finally he spoke.

"Ok, come with us. What you do is on your own and I can't take the consequences of that decision."


	10. Ravenna Venille

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

X.

"Miss?" William called her with the deepest emotion he was capable of. "Do you have something against us taking care of the bodies of your family? We will take them with us and bury them as shinigami in our special graveyard with all the respect they deserve."

She was struck by the reality and suddenly felt sick again. In the struggle to breathe she closed her eyes. A few seconds later she opened them, her vision was blurry with tears again.

She placed her hand on her mouth.

"I am sorry... No, I have nothing against that. Do it." She answered William and quickly left the lobby. Opening her umbrella sharply, she nervously waited for the others to go out.

She was desperately searching for something to distract her from what happened. It was past midnight and absolutely dark in the garden. It didn't bother her at all that her dress was in mud. She walked to the little white fountain, the only thing that she saw in the darkness and staggered, feeling extremely bad.

She wasn't sure that she could stand anymore. This sudden turn of events left her out of breath. She realized that she was disgusted by everything.

She revolted against life. Why is it that some people lived happy, with their families, rich, healthy? Some people were dying from just a cold. Others were abandoned on the streets, fighting to survive the next day. It was all so unfair.

It was true that she was a shinigami daughter. Shinigami were supposed to live forever. Her father made an unusual decision. He broke the shinigami obligation to serve death and gather souls and left his Department. He ended his career, beginning a new life, living among the humans and like them.

So was that a punishment for what he did? For his betrayal towards his own kind. Whatever the motive of this massive murderer was, she was regretting that she wasn't in the living room in that moment. She wasn't there… She was painfully alive now.

Her mind couldn't bear it, she wasn't in condition to think straight at the moment. Her thoughts were a mess. But what if... No, no way. Such thing weren't good to think. If death… But…if death is salvation, why shouldn't she…Could she do that?

It was forbidden to take your own life. Like she cared for any rules right now. Death was such a pleasing exit of all problems. Wouldn't it be great? To end it all once and for all…

"So, it was his father? Teryx Cron?" Someone interrupted her thoughts and she looked back to see a red-haired man with a fancy white umbrella.

My God, these guys haven't got a single drop of tact. Glad it was raining and dark so no one could notice her tears, she tried her best to shake off the thoughts of death that captured her mind and delayed her answer.

"Yes."

He stood there and watched her for a few seconds. Then he suddenly startled.

"Grell Sutcliff, at your service. I've ordered a carriage to bring you to the Department. Because of the rain." He smiled, showing his shark-shaped teeth. "Excuse me, I was told not to lose you out of my sight. I am also supposed to beguile your sorrow, but I honestly have no idea how to do that so I should shut up, right?"

In some other day he would seem funny to her, but she just remained silent and decided to change the subject.

"Mr. Sutcliff, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course."

"What kind of person is your colleague? I mean… the wounded one."

Grell opened his mouth, but then closed it. He stared at Ravenna for a whole minute, before he spoke.

"I don't know." He shrugged.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't know. No one knows. He is absolutely isolated in his own world. We don't even know his real name. We didn't know he had a living father until you told us. And it seems he's even crazier than his son."

Ravenna was truly surprised.

"He's fascinated by death, but it seems not in the way his father is." She stated thoughtfully. "He keeps death in high honour, as I heard."

"You've noticed it. Congratulations! Every shinigami does. That's the only thing you'll ever notice in him."

"Hmm. Sorry to tell you that, but women are sometimes more perspicacious than men."

"I know." Grell said very irritated.

They stopped talking for a while, but Ravenna spoke again.

"So… how do you call him?"

Grell smirked.

"Undertaker."

The carriage came and Grell opened the door for Ravenna.

"This man knows where to take you." He said pointing up to the coachman, while she got in. "Don't worry, when you arrive, we'll be there already."

He shut the door.

"We're fast." He winked to her. "Trust me."

Great. Another one, who's out of his mind. She has started to make great friends among mental sick creatures. Or was she the insane one?

The carriage set off and she sunk in her dark thoughts again. Everything led her to one thought that kept appearing constantly in her mind. She wanted death more than anything in these minutes of anguish. She wanted to die and never feel anything again.

She didn't know how long she traveled through London; it was at least one hour. The chaise finally stopped and looked at the big white building through the window. Most of the windows were dark, but a light was still shining in some of them. The view was magnificent, it was probably all made of marble. She exited the phaeton and walked to the entrance.

Grell was leaning on the hard stone in her right, waiting for someone. He jumped up when seeing her.

"Oh, here you are! Hello again. Now. Listen to me carefully!" He stood in her way. "Please stick with me, because it might be a bit dangerous walking around alone. Especially here. The London Department is famous with its lack of women." Grell sighed with sadness. "No one ever counts me, but that's out of the subject now."

"I am not afraid of anyone, sir." Ravenna smiled. "If you worry about that."

"Please! Don't call me that way. I hate that…" He exclaimed. "Just Grell will do. Come, now!"


	11. Lost

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XI.

He opened the door and closed it after her. Ravenna folded up her umbrella and followed him. He led her through halls and corridors bathed in the soft light of chandeliers and lots of beautiful black candlesticks, decorating the imposing tract. It was very quiet considering there were scores of people working in the building.

Finally Grell stopped at the beginning of one of the hundreds corridors they got through, pointing at the door next to them.

"That's your room." He smiled again.

Suddenly the last room at the bottom of the corridor opened. William came out of it. His sleeves were rolled up. Once he got closer, he turned directly to Ravenna.

"It seems the antidote works fine, but I don't know for how long. I-"

"Is he in the room you just came out?"

William startled, apparently not used being cut off in the middle of his sentences.

"Yes." He made a pause. "I removed his robe, deciding that he might not be able to breathe freely with it."

"Can I see him?"

The three of them walked to the room and entered it in silence. It was much lighted and they could easily notice the silver-haired man on the wide bed. His skin was as white as the sheets he was laying on. Grell and William just stopped, but Ravenna proceeded further.

Undertaker's white shirt was soaked up in his blood, his chest too and she couldn't see the wound.

"Is he safe now?" Grell asked with eagerness.

"Not completely sure of that… Bring me some water, please. And towels…and maybe bandages." She ordered, removing her overcoat.

He left the room immediately.

"I… will go to sleep then." William stated in a way that made her face him. "Thank you for doing this. I know you're not obliged to. We appreciate it."

With these words he left the room quietly, leaving her.

She wanted to make sure that Undertaker's body temperature reached the normal level. Fortunately it has already started to fall. When Grell returned with a small utensil with water, he involuntarily yawned.

"Grell, you can go and sleep now. Thank you very much for your help, I don't need anything else." She didn't even turn to him, busy with tearing the towel in two.

"Ravenna?"

"What?" She answered absently, while cleaning the blood of Undertaker's skin. She finally saw the deep, long scission just below the heart. She was surprised and actually a bit confused to see at least five more stitches like the one he got on his face.

"Good God… that's extremely bad." She bit her lip with indignation. "I'll have to sew it up, but… maybe not yet. I was right. We have to stop the bleeding. I'll sew it tomorrow. Could you wrap that around his chest? I'm sorry did you say something?"

Grell helped her to bandage him in a long silence. But Ravenna sensed his unrest and when they finished with their work, she looked at him questioning.

"I just wanted to warn you. That's all."

"Warn me? For what exactly?" Gay death lover was warning her of something. What a joke.

Grell wiped his hands and looked at her seriously.

"He's pretty dark inside, be careful."

Ravenna returned him the glare with incredulity.

"Darkness can't affect you" She almost smiled " if you already carry it within yourself, Grell. If I will make sure he's fine and I'm out of here. I am not even going to talk to him."

Grell's expression was inscrutable.

"My deep condolences, Ravenna." He walked to the door and turned around again, before leaving, staring at Undertaker.

_When did the subject change on that?_ Ravenna thought.

"You can't change a thing of what's happening in your life. You better remember how to live in the light, before the darkness consumes you. Like it did with him. He has forgotten what is light. You don't want that."

"Grell wh-"

"Do you know how we call people who live in darkness?"

He looked at her for the last time and left the room, shutting the door. Ravenna knew the question was rhetorical. She knew the answer.

_Lost._

She placed the wet towel on Undertaker's forehead whereupon he winced.

But she wasn't lost. Grell was probably being too dramatic about it. Besides why someone she just met would be so worried about her?

That was ridiculous. She was confused, angry, and desperate. It takes so much more for someone to be lost. Or… is it? Isn't her behavior not eloquent enough? She didn't know what to do with her life anymore. Existing has become the hardest thing to achieve.

She decided to leave The Undertaker like that and sew his wound in the morning. His state wouldn't let her to cause him such thing now. It seemed he was stabilized, but she wasn't quiete sure how he would react.

The truth was that all she knew about that antidote was that it cured shinigami poison. She never had the opportunity to examine the effects of it. Her father didn't stop his children to do what they wished to, including her wish to study medicine.

She wasn't interested in human medicine, but in shinigami medicine. It was quite exiting for her to investigate shinigami nature at its core. That was kind of difficult considering she didn't have any touch with shinigami except her family.

On the other side she was so tired that she couldn't stand on her feet anymore. And there wasn't a single space for her in this room. She could sleep on the chair, but was it worth it while having a free room meters away. So she chose her room instead.

Then she blew the candles and left the room in darkness.


	12. Death

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XII.

Deep below a water surface. The hopelessness of falling down…and down. A powerful feeling of sinking, irreversible drowning in silence. Anyone could find in terrifying. Except The Undertaker. He was filled with joy. After all this time the long waited end of all came. Death finally invited him to her dark, abundant feast. Death finally reached him and it was extraordinary.

_Everything was fine when you're dead, right?_ Or he has been wrong all the time… you're not at peace when you die. The state of burning agony his body was carrying proved him his point was completely…

Wrong. He wasn't dead. He was dying. The process is disgustingly long. And irritatingly painful. The amount of pain was so overwhelmingly much that he couldn't bear anything else except it, his mind was trying to escape it with memories, thoughts, but with no success. Pain was devouring all his senses, caturing him in its eternal chains, offering no escape.

It got darker. The darkness calmed him. Being used to it all his life helped somehow. It didn't frighten him now. He felt piece, the silence was isolating him from everything else. _Everything else? There was nothing here_. _One big nothing and pain. Thanks. Quite exciting._

He felt lost. Loneliness surrounded him. Not the ordinary loneliness. This feeling was different. Strong loneliness, with her crown of fear and throne of desperation. She got him into his very essence. He was ready to give everything just not to be alone in this moment. He needed a presence. A foreign light.

But all he got was fire. It was thrilling, it was sensational and unique. His soul was in flames, tearing him apart. Throes were disfiguring everything he got left. Unbearable pressure was suffocating him. He forgot the joy of breathing.

Suddenly the fire subsided. It abated slowly and blurred the pain a bit, until it gradually faded. That state was changing fast into something else.

Coldness crawled into his body, unpleasantly making his way through everything, reaching his bones. It was just like millions of tiny icicles were piercing him and the pain started intensifying again. This time was sharp and cutting.

Suddenly he found himself in a quiet place. It was blurry so he assumed that might be… _A dream?_

_I am either dreaming or dead._ It looked like there was a fog all around him. It was dense and dark grey. _Strange. I still feel cold. _He made one step and felt worse. _I got it. Still dying. _He couldn't see a thing, but started walking. Every step was more painful and more painful.

He looked at his hands, his whole skin was like smoke and with every move he felt like fading away. _Am I a ghost?_ It was so cold, freezing cold. He wasn't sure how long he walked, but the pain was already unbearable. He didn't know what he was expecting.

There was nothing, but he kept moving; searching for non-existing matter. Just one long, endless eternity of wandering in the desolation of his own mind. Undertaker realized how lonely it would be to spend an eternity in this place.

Completely alone. And he could feel this loneliness consuming his last powers that kept him standing. It was killing him, slowly. It was so empty and sad. He couldn't stand anymore, falling on his knees, in his struggle to move forwards.

It was helpless. Nothing and no one could help him this time. He would gladly accept an ending of this. Over all the pain he was curious. What's behind the curtain? What happens next?

Right when he was ready to give up, his sharp senses caught a shadow. He lifted his head, his eyes scanning the quiet grey emptiness around him. He saw it again, but it was moving incredibly fast. _Who are you?_

He caught his chest with his arm, the pain was awful. He could neither move nor talk anymore, so he tried screaming in his mind instead.

_Please come back, whoever you are._

_Help me._

_Help me, please…_


	13. Dream

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XIII.

Ravenna entered her room and locked up the door. Candles were lightening the small space.

She looked around and saw a wrapper on the small bed in the corner of the room. That was very nicely of the hosts. The room was simple and clean. A bed, a cupboard, a desk and a window over the bed. A small bathroom was taking place in her right.

She saw a little white note on the desk and went closer to it.

_I highly recommend you to lock your door, because you are the only woman in the building right now. __And there are all kinds of psychos around._

_William Spears_

Advices. How touching. The red one is a freak and this one is playing the big brother. She couldn't wait for the "dark" one to turn out a necromancer.

She couldn't stand anymore and blew the candles, removing her dress, remaining with her lighter one below. Then she laid herself and stared at the ceiling. Now that she remained all alone, she felt it.

The weight of the world was on her and she didn't know how to carry it.

So she broke into tears. Bitter tears that she couldn't stop from falling hour after hour. Maybe from exhaustion or her last surrender, she gave up of everything and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

It was getting darker and darker. She was running. As fast as she could.

She was scared. Absolutely horrified of something. It was chasing her and without hesitation was willing to tear her apart. It was getting closer and closer, reaching her with its annihilating claws. She didn't know what to do except to run.

She didn't even see where she was running to. It looked like she was making her way through a building with countless ways to go. She was lost in a labyrinth without exit. All hope was lost. She knew it, because the light was gone. She didn't see anything anymore, but kept running.

Then she reached a door. Was that her final destination? No, whatever was trying to get her was still on her heels. So she didn't hesitate to open the door and close it behind her.

She turned around and noticed the darkness changed into something else.

Was that smoke? It was so thick and grey. She couldn't see anything, but it was something wrong about it. It was severe and… freezing.

She heard the door behind her rattle and the fear rose in her again. She fled through the strange cloud, until she felt weird trembling in the air.

A distant voice was disturbing the dead silence of that wicked place. She couldn't hear it clear. Suddenly Ravenna forgot everything that she feared and headed in its direction. She heard the voice once more, before it silenced. The words echoed through the vibrating air, though only a whisper.

_Help._ _Help me, please…_

* * *

Ravenna stood up scared of the nightmare. The desperation was still there, the weight on her chest too. Her face was still wet from her tears. The new day was slowly crawling in. It was too early for anyone to be awake, so it was still quiet. It seems outside was raining harder than before.

She looked through the window. She couldn't shake off that unpleasant feeling in her; she wasn't at peace with herself. She knew that feeling will never go away. And she feared that void in her will never be filled till the end of her life.

How can someone continue to live while carrying such emptiness? She was broken and there was no fix for her… Life was truly terrifying when you lost all your hope. Standing there without doing anything was killing her slowly.

She put on the white wrapper and lit up one candle. She took it and left her room. The candle flames in the corridor were burning out and it was pretty dark. She used the wall and followed it until reaching the last door in the corridor. She opened it and entered the room.

The Undertaker was still sleeping and his difficult breathing was disturbing the silence. Ravenna placed the candle on the desk and looked at her patient for a second. She knew his every breath was a struggle for his life, but she couldn't do anything at the moment, except for waiting.

Ravenna sat on the arm-chair. She shrunk and relaxed on the soft fabric. Somebody else's presence was always better than wandering in your thoughts while being completely alone. But still he was suffering and she couldn't calm herself.

She looked around and the room seemed very well-arranged. Though it seems its owner has left it long ago. The furniture was old.

She noticed the desk and the only thing on it. She picked up the pen and examined it. It looked beautiful and- Right before she was going to spin it she heard a voice.

"Help." It was barely a whisper, but she heard it. "Help me, please… " Ravenna dropped the pen and stood up in shock. She went to the bed.

"You…" he breathed out, not expecting her presence. He was shivering intensely, in something like a half-sitting, half-lying position.

"But- " she exclaimed with surprise.

She couldn't believe what her ears heard seconds ago. But that was... his voice. It was his voice that she was searching for in her dream. Anyway, there was no time for this now. She got closer to him and sat on the bed, taking his hand in hers. But he pulled his hand back, shaking his head.

"But you are freezing…" she looked at him worried. His eyes disapproved with her. She wondered why. It was true that girls don't wander around in God knows what time in the night, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to live anymore. Her good name wasn't her primary problem right now. "You don't want to freeze to death, do you?"

The blankets weren't going to help, even if she brought hers too. Soon he wasn't going to be able to fight for his life. Ravenna wasn't sure what was she thinking then, but suddenly got the weirdest idea in her mind.

She came up to the bed and hugged him. He winced, trying to pull himself backwards.

"Why?" He whispered.

"No, listen to me. Don't speak, don't move and don't try to do anything stupid. If I had another option, I wouldn't do this, but believe me I don't." She wasn't sure that's the best decision she has ever made, but somehow she didn't care.

She didn't care at all; all that mattered was a life that needed to be saved. "In situations like this, medicine says that you need a constant source of warmth. I am so sorry; I can't offer you anything else except my body. Don't laugh and don't imagine things, I'm trying to help you here."

She knew such pressure was painful on his frail skin, but she hoped the thick and soft matter of her wrapper wasn't hurting him that much. His body was so cold and weak, she wasn't sure he would've stood a few more minutes in this condition.

She was glad that at least her hands were warm, wrapped around him. His pose was expressive enough for her to understand his categorical denial of someone standing in his personal space without his permission.

He has strained his every nerve, a defensive reaction against her. She knew that was pure intrusion, but she couldn't let him go now.

Ravenna didn't have the slightest idea what his thoughts were now, but she realized she actually didn't want to know. He kept trembling, not being able to oppose her, almost completely still. At least ten minutes past, until her warmth finally reached him.

He sighed with relief and finally relaxed.

"Thank you." He was grateful, but still avoided touching her.

"Well, you were looking for help and I came. It's not a big deal." She mumbled embarrassed of so many things at the moment. She started to separate from him, but…

"I know I…am asking for…the impossible, but…Please… stay here."

"But, I must-" She started, pulling herself back, but she ceased talking once she met his eyes. It was too close, she recoiled back.

She was scared, her mind was paralyzed, she couldn't really decide what was right and what wrong, her mind was telling her to go back to her room and think about everything again and again until it crush her down and her heart... wanted her to stay wherever she was.

Despite his state of disagreement he was still begging her and she couldn't reject this request. But what was the point of rejecting it? She didn't want her cold, dark room when she could be of use somewhere else. And that made her a bit happy.

She just moved next to him, leaning herself gently on his chest. She pulled the blanket on them. The creativity of a mind is a cruel thing, but she wouldn't believe it was useful sometimes.

But nothing else mattered, because she did it. She returned his favor - saved his life as he saved hers.


	14. Awake

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XIV.

"Bad. Very bad. On the other side he's waking up. Where are you going, sweetheart? Wait… " Grell's annoying voice broke as it seemed to him the eternal slumber of his damaged mind. He heard a door shutting. And then silence.

It felt like his body was made of thousand pieces, separated one by one. He woke up by a countless amount of sharp shivers. Wrecked. Broken. Cold. It was all new to him. His senses started awakening slowly.

He was confined to a bed. It was familiar… It was his room. The sheets were soft though. He tried to fold his hand feeling the smooth surface. His mind was divided between the triumph of life and his love of dying; but since he was alive the twinges continued piercing his tired body mercilessly.

As a sharp pain ran through him once again he opened his eyes. It was more blurry than he thought. So it was his office at the Department. The door opened and Grell rushed in. Undertaker struggled for breath. It sounded too shattered.

"Honey, I wouldn't recommend breathing, moving, talking, looking around, staying conscious and stuff like that. But you decide that for yourself."

"Is…is she alright?" He whispered trying not to break under the stabbing pain in the chest.

"You tell me. She got out of your room, when I was coming. The question is…are _you_ alive?" laughed Grell.

"Grell" moaned Undertaker. " I…"

"Shh, don't talk." His colleague paused. " The girl is in perfect health unlike you…Anyway. Don't worry about her. She's safe. In fact she's coming back soon. If we're lucky."

Undertaker sighed anxiously. The girl returned soon as promised and he could finally see her on the sunlight. Her amethyst colored hair was short and kind of spiky from the both sides of her oval face. Her eyes were in a deep, dark blue. Her face was pale and he could easily notice the violet circles around her eyes. Her lips were cracked and with the shade of grey. She was wearing a long, black dress and carried a sewing needle and a thread in her hands.

"Ugh…Do you still insist on doing that?" Grell asked her disgusted. "I can't-"

"Grell, would you stop talking for a minute? You are disturbing my work." She cut him off and turned to The Undertaker. It seems she was surprised that he was awake, because she held his look in hers in a brief, silent dialogue. But seconds after she startled and she started disinfecting the needle. Grell was oppressed by the heavy silence.

"Very well. If there's nothing I can help you with, I'll leave. " He exclaimed.

Ravenna just looked at him with her empty, tired eyes and he hurried up to leave. She sat beside Undertaker and cut off the bandages on him, freeing his skin of them slowly. Her serious expression really drew his attention. He knew that look, these sunk into sorrow, mourning eyes. He preferred to remain silent.

She did the first seam and it seems she waited for a reaction, but when she got none, continued her work.

"What are you doing?" He whispered, because he felt his throat like sliced.

"Sewing your wound. It's not like stitches are something new for you. Don't talk." Her voice was like ice.

"I'm not… asking about that. Yesterday… " He didn't listen, following her every move.

"Stitches are quite unpleasant." She pulled the needle sharply, stopping him from finishing his sentence. "They fit your skin."

"Is that a compliment?"

"No."

She was clearly keeping a raging storm within, trying to hide it. Her hands were covered with his blood and she didn't seem to care about that. He wasn't sure what exactly her aim is.

"Since when do you… care about me that much?" He was irritated for not having an answer of his question. He always found an answer of his questions and this was not an exception. But…her grief did not allow him to be mad at her.

"You don't give up easily." She pulled the thread roughly again. "What part of "don't speak" is unclear to you?"

He gave up and leaned back on the pillow, remaining silent.

Soon she finished the stitch and cleaned the blood. She looked like a ghost; the pain of her loss was too much to bear.

When everything was clean and in order, she took her things and opened the door.

"Don't try moving at least one week, you'll tear the thread." She said cold, ignoring his eyes and shutting the door loudly.


	15. Goodbye

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XV.

A few days have passed after the tragedy. A lot of people came to the funeral. The graveyard was close to the estate, because both of them were at the north outskirts of the city. All the families who knew Venille came and Ravenna was flattered by their compassion and pain. Everyone expressed their condolences to her and left her alone with the four wooden coffins and the cold, lashing wind.

Ravenna held her scarf close and came closer to her father's coffin. She touched the wood with her shaking fingers and her tears started falling in a perfect silence.

"You finally found your peace, dad." She whispered, trying to restrain the lump in her throat. "You all found it. And left me here all alone."

She leaned on the coffin and started weeping.

"You left me. How am I supposed to live without you now? How do I live in this hell, daddy?"

She didn't know how long she stood there, trembling with tears, but she reminded to herself to stay strong. And she did her best to stop crying, moving a few steps away and sending a flying kiss. She couldn't see a thing through her tears, so she wiped them with her scarf.

"I am leaving you now. I guess… I can only hope I'd see you again. I miss you so badly." She stopped, because her tears choked her. She continued whispering. "And I won't ever stop missing you."

She couldn't use her voice anymore so she just formed with her lips one last "Goodbye".

She was going to leave, but she saw a dark figure in the distance. It climbed up the nearest small hill and faced her and the wooden coffins in front of her.

It was not too far, but it wasn't close either. She knew the man in the black robe, though she didn't expect him to be here. Ravenna couldn't believe how tactless you must be to come. In fact he had no right to be here.

Undertaker held his hand up in the air and opened his fist, releasing a dozen leaves of a black rose. The wind blew them away and he slowly lowered his hand. His hair was blowing on the strong wind, he looked somehow rigorous.

His expression was thoughtful, staring in her direction. He placed his right hand on his chest and closed his eyes, whispering something. Then he opened his eyes and turned around, disappearing from her sight.

* * *

As the sun started setting, the guests started leaving the Venille estate one by one. Ravenna's uncle and aunt were the last to leave.

"Are you sure you want us to leave, darling? We can stay here, you don't need to be alone…" Her aunt asked her with worried voice. She was a bright, stumpy woman. Her husband was the only brother to her father, a gentle and kind man, he was so alike with his brother that he was bringing Ravenna to tears only when she looked at his green, shinigami eyes.

She hugged him tightly.

"It's okay, uncle. I want to be alone for a while."

He returned her hug and kissed her hair.

"Alright. If that's your wish. And if you need something, no matter what, write to me, Ravenna. You know that…"

"Yes, uncle. I know."

A brief silence fell as they still hugged.

"You don't deserve such cruelty. No one deserves it."

"Uncle…"

He released her and held her shoulders.

"I will pray for you, Ravenna." He said to her and left.

* * *

"What happened, sweetheart? Did someone reject you again?" Grell Sutcliff sneaked behind Undertaker and sat next to him on the beautiful bench that was facing the huge graveyard. "Poor baby… You know I am single, right?"

"Sutcliff, get off my sight."

"I miss the good old times when you laughed at everything. Maybe that's why everyone's rejecting you. Come on, man. You're too serious. That's boring."

"No one rejected me, stop repeating that. What's the deal?" Asked Undertaker, finally tearing eyes from the graves in front of them.

"Wha?" Grell asked absently, too busy with putting his hair in order.

"What is the reason you are disturbing my so precious silence with your disgusting voice?"

Grell frowned at him.

"Right. You must be fun at parties. Ok, then." Grell sighed. "William sends me again, because you know… He's too lazy to move his ass from the center to the outskirts of a single city."

"What's the matter?"

"There is a seventh murder. Alicia Stone was killed, this time she's away from her house."

"I don't like this game. Dad's still in town." Undertaker sighed deeply. "I know he's longing for my death, but I'm not sure what he's up to. What happens when he kills the last three? We can't prevent any of these murders, that demon is killing people chaotic. We can't tell why he's taking his time like this."

"I'm sorry, do you have feelings for your father? Because that'd be a problem, we won't be able to…stop him."

"Of course I don't." Undertaker said irritated, but he really wasn't sure what place his father was taking in his mind. "That's not the problem. I just…"

"What?"

The Undertaker caught his head in his hands.

"I was supposed to die. I had to die and this madness was going to stop."

"Don't be like that, honey. There are people who need you alive."

"Like who, Grell? Tell me one person that would need someone like me."

"Me." Grell giggled, but stopped right away. "Just kidding. Sweetie, there are two types of need. We need you, because you're a living perfection in your work. The girl coming this way at the moment - her name is Ravenna Venille. Yeah, the one that saved your life although she wasn't obliged to. She needs someone to help her to get out of her mire, even though she's not aware of that."

He stood up and smiled to his colleague brightly.

Undertaker saw Ravenna walking slowly along the path, getting closer to them and staring down at her feet.

"I can bet you'd be brutally rejected again and I'll be laughing for the rest of my life." He waved his hand. "No, seriously. If you hurt her in some way, I'd personally kill you. Make sure you don't, she's upset enough. Oh, and… she doesn't like you very much. Now that everything's clear, I'm gone. Bye."


	16. Loss

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XVI.

Ravenna decided to walk, not being to stay calm at the house. The chilly wind was blowing in her face. Tired of everything, the time has stopped for her.

She wasn't realizing what she was doing, just following the path, painted with the warm colors of the fallen leaves, surrounding the graveyard. As she was walking fast, almost running, her sharp senses detected Undertaker and she stopped a few meters away from the iron bench.

She hesitated about staying or just continuing to walk. But his expression was bothering her.

Undertaker was watching something in the distance intently. Ravenna approached him and sat beside him quietly.

"You seem unusually affected for a shinigami." She said evenly.

He reacted as she woke him from his sleep. He literally jumped off the bench, instinctively pressing his wound with his hand. He looked at her confused.

"Excuse me, miss. I… was just leaving."

"You can stay if you want." She looked at the graveyard.

He wasn't going to stay, but he wanted an answer of his question. So he just sat back slowly on the bench, leaning on the iron and joined her, looking at the dark scenery in front of them.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him with a touch of bitterness, but still polite. "I told you to stay in your room without moving at least a week. You'll lacerate the wound."

The Undertaker kept staring something distant in a perfect silence.

"What did you whisper back then? The black rose leaves…"

"It's called a shinigami farewell." He finally spoke. "You probably haven't heard of it. Shinigami death is not something that happens often." He turned to her.

"It's small poem in Latin. Our Codex says that every shinigami must be send off this world with these words."

"Can I hear it? In English?" She met his eyes and he was amazed of the amount of pain they were holding. He kept watching her, while quoting.

"All the words are meaningless today

You were here and now you're gone

Death silenced all we had to say.

The happiness and life are now alone.

For you joined the eternity in heavenly rest

Go now, you'll be missed and your laugh

And remember us, remember the best.

The earthly "forever" is never enough."

"It's beautiful." Ravenna said in a hollow voice, tearing her eyes away from his.

"Yes, it is." He kept looking at her, struggling with himself. But the silence was brief. "Excuse me, but…can I ask you something?"

She turned back to him.

"What's the matter?" Her voice was empty.

"Why did you save my life?"

"You preferred to die?"

He didn't answer.

"I'll take that as "yes"."

"Then why didn't you let me die?"

"Because you stopped me back then. From getting killed. I had to return the favor. Not that I wanted to be saved." She said sharply.

"Well, thank you. For making this clear once and for all." He tried to keep the atmosphere as calm as possible.

"What an irony… Neither of us wanted to live, but here we are, talking in the middle of the graveyard." Her voice cracked with the weight of an accusation.

A long silence fell and Undertaker wasn't sure that he wanted to break it. Of course she wouldn't want to live, he felt the same way back then. But he had to stop her.

Saving her wasn't making him guilty... right?

"I am deeply sorry for your loss." He paused. "It… may sound like a cliché, but I know how you're feeling."

"Oh no, you don't." She cut him off, staring angry the air in front of her.

"I do." He insisted.

She exhaled derisively.

"Really?What do you know about feelings? You are so cold and emotionless… " Her voice was already loud.

"Do you even care for anything in your life? You can't tell the difference between love and hate, you've never filled your heart with anything… Don't talk to me about grief." She shook her head as her eyes filled with tears.

"Don't even try to act like you know what I'm going through." She whispered. "You are the same insensible wreck as your father..."

They were staring at each other. Once Ravenna realized what she said in her rage, she immediately regretted it and placed her hand on her mouth.

He swallowed and lowered his eyes to the ground.

"I…" She started, but he stopped her.

"You're right." He stood up and faced her. "I am sorry for disturbing you and taking your time in a way that both hurt and offended you. Please accept my deepest apologies, Miss Venille. It won't happen again."

He honored her with a slight bow and walked away.

* * *

**I invented this Codex and this poem, there is no such thing as shinigami farewell, I thought it'd be a great idea. So... that was pretty harsh, but considering the circumstances she has the right to say whatever she wants. Don't worry I haven't mistaken the genre; it is a love story, not a war story. I was wondering if you like Ravenna and if not you can tell me ;3 **


	17. Phantomhive

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XVII.

"Grell, I can do everything by myself, you don't need to come.

"Don't change the subject, you miserable bastard! How could you do that to her? I will freaking kill you." Grell screamed loudly, as he followed Undertaker through the corridors of The Department, until they reached the exit. Outside a carriage was waiting for them at the insistence of Grell, who was ready to set his colleague on fire.

"Calm down, you're hysterical." Undertaker laughed.

"Don't try scaring me away; no one will stand between me and my beloved.

"Your beloved?" He continued laughing. "I'm sure he'd be happy to see you."

"Don't disparage our love. I will make him love me." Grell was upset.

"I have to see that at all costs."

Undertaker intended to go by himself, but Grell didn't let him. It was raining heavily again, nothing new for London, it was almost October. Grell didn't want to get wet, so he forced Undertaker to go for the ride with him.

"Ravenna seemed quite upset the last days." Grell was serious again.

"What is that accusatory glance? I guess I don't know how to talk to people normally. At least we made ourselves clear. I got my answers and she told me what she thinks of me. Don't worry… I'll do my best not to meet her ever again."

"Good luck with that." Grell hissed mockingly.

Undertaker looked at him inquiring, but Grell only smiled.

"She hates you." The latter exclaimed and started laughing as he entered the carriage. 'She hates you so much."

"Of course she hates me. I hate me too." Undertaker followed him and closed the door. '"Since when you're so protective of her?"

The carriage set off.

"I don't know. She trusts nobody but herself. I am just trying to support her." Grell looked through the window. "It must be hard, your whole family dies and you stay all alone on this world."

"Yes. It is hard." Like that's an excuse... Undertaker folded his hands and inclined his head. 'Whoa, Grell. Careful with that girl, you're becoming softer than usual."

"Well, maybe we should be softer. No one thinks of that."

Undertaker looked at him terrified.

"Death gods need neither softness nor tenderness, Sutcliff. You are an exception though. For goodness sake, you're in love with a demon. You can at least try to act like shinigami." He sighed. "I wonder what keeps William from throwing you away from his section."

"I am a professional. You just can't admit it. So and William."

"Anyway… Please, during that visit I want you to act as normal as possible."

Grell didn't say anything, but his face turned as red as his hair.

"You're helpless."

The carriage stopped and right before their eyes was standing upright the magnificent Phantomhive estate. The rain has almost stopped, it was drizzling.

"Wow, this residence is huge." Grell smoothed his clothes.

The entrance door opened and at first sight a young man in a frock-coat came out with an umbrella. He went down the stairs and met the two shinigami who were standing next to the carriage.

"Good day, gentlemen." He smiled politely." Sebastian Michaelis, at your service."

"Give me that, I'm getting wet." Grell tried to pull the umbrella out of Sebastian's hands, but the latter didn't even move.

"Oh, Mr. Sutcliff. I didn't expect you to come too." His wicked smile disappeared, replaced by a spurious surprise.

Undertaker was getting sick by this sly manner.

"You could just ask… sir." On the other side, Sebastian handed the umbrella to Grell, completely irritated of his weakness in many ways. He turned back to the man in the black-robe." I believe you wanted to visit the Phantomhive estate in connection with the mysterious murders." He talked to Undertaker like there wasn't anyone else except them.

'Yes. To be specific, I wanted to talk to you." Undertaker ignored Grell's judging glare, bouncing between Sebastian and him.

"Alright then, we'll discuss it inside."

When they reached the entrance, Sebastian came to Grell, who turned red again, and took the umbrella out of his hands, folding it up with a smile." Please follow me, Earl Phantomhive is waiting for you." He led them through the manor and into the room for guests.

Ciel Phantomhive was sitting in the brown arm-chair in the middle of the room and was looking at them quite intrigued.

"I'm coming right away, my lord." Sebastian bowed and left the room.

"Make yourself at home, gentlemen." Ciel stood up and shook their hands. "Come and join me. My butler will bring the tea any second." He returned to his armchair.

Grell and Undertaker sat on the sofa and waited for the tea.

"I haven't visited the Phantomhive manor in a while." Undertaker noticed and examined the hall.

"You are welcome here anytime, Undertaker." Ciel crossed his legs and continued. "I heard about the death of the family."

"Yes, it's a shinigami family." Said Undertaker. Of course he would know about that, he's the Queen's Watchdog_. "_I was supposed to collect their life records, but this murderer is a special case.

"What do you mean?"

"He's known with the name Teryx Cron." Undertaker decided to save Ciel the detail with the blood-connection.

"All death gods know him as the shinigami mass murderer. He wipes out whole families. As he tried to do with the last one." Grell couldn't remain silent, but Undertaker struck him with a death glare and he stopped talking.

"Yes. And I met him then."

"Excuse my delay, I expected only one guest, the tea wasn't going to be enough for all three of you." Sebastian smiled to Grell and served the tea.

"Thank you, darling." Grell smiled him back, but Sebastian took his usual position next to Ciel and didn't say a thing.

"Is he the one that kills innocent people in the order of your name? Did he say something about that? What's his motive?"

"I'm not so sure about that. That's why I wanted to ask Sebastian a few questions."

"Ask him whatever you want, we'll help with everything we can to catch that man." Ciel took his tea and sipped from it.

"Sebastian, do you know a demon with the name Lilith?" Undertaker asked him directly.

Sebastian stared at him, screwing his eyes barely seen.

"What about her?

"She was there that night, side by side with Teryx Cron. She was the one who killed brutally four people. Their souls were missing once we had time to check the bodies.

Sebastian smirked.

"Yes. That's her style. She can't be mistaken." His thoughtful expression returned. "Although I don't get it. What is she doing in the company of a shinigami? These murders sound like an order to me. Demons don't do something without purpose. And they usually run away from shinigami." He looked at Grell and then back at Undertaker.

'What do you think? Is it possible for a shinigami to be that demon's master? They acted… like a couple."

"Sounds like a great idea to me…" Grell giggled.

"Why not?" Ciel asked. "The kind of relationship doesn't matter."

Sebastian grew pensive.

"She doesn't think like me. She is capable of betraying him even if she's his servant. There are two opportunities. Either he collects souls for an unknown purpose or she uses him to get these souls for herself. In both cases we don't know who the head of these murders is."

"Undertaker, if you're sure that he's the murderer of these people, despite his taste in shinigami; tell me, why would Teryx Cron kill innocent people in the order of your name? Do you know this man?'

Grell returned his tea on the small table and bit his lip. Undertaker kept looking at Sebastian silently for a minute. Then he turned to Ciel.

"Yes, I know him. All I can say is that he's searching for me in the past... decades and he finally found me. I don't know his exact motive or why he didn't kill me when he could, but I can tell you that he's out of his mind and killing people for fun would be also a probable explanation."

"I see." Ciel also returned his tea on the table. "Thank you for the information."

"Great. I will be leaving then. Thank you for your hospitality. If I have something important to say, you'll be the first to know, Ciel Phantomhive."


	18. Offer

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XVIII.

"I hate you! You are so cruel…" Grell couldn't express how mad he was at The Undertaker as they walked back to the Department. "You didn't let me to even look at Sebby…I will never speak to you again!"

"Thank the Lord!" Undertaker raised his hands gratefully as they travelled back to The Department. "I'll finally have some peace!

* * *

Ravenna looked at the dozen piles of books she has prepared to take with her. Yesterday while she was making her way through the city center accompanied by her close friend Mary, William Spears intercepted their way most insolently. He insisted on talking with her in private. Mary stole a curious glance at her friend and moved a few steps away.

'It's okay." Mary smiled. "I'll be at the nearest shop."

"I don't have much time for this. I am sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to offer you…something."

"Mr. Spears, let me be clear. I don't want to have anything to do with you-"

"It's not about me." He fixed his glasses.

"Then what is it?"

"If you're interested…you can work with us, at the Department. You have an amazing medical knowledge and we badly need someone like you. We have enough places and proper equipment. You'll be able to interact with shinigami all the time and we'll be able to learn a lot from you."

Ravenna was surprised by the offer and remained silent.

"Think about it. You don't have to come, the choice is yours. However if you change your mind, you're welcome to the London Department any time."

"I'll… think about it."

"Happy to hear that. Excuse me now, I have work to do." He said quickly and disappeared in the crowd.

Ravenna entered the shop in which Mary went and found her. She was glad to have her as a friend, because although she was an ordinary person, she was the only one who knew about the existence of the shinigami from her friends, she knew Ravenna's family was shinigami.

And she had absolutely no problem with that. In fact she was very curios when it comes to death gods. Mary Francour was tall, even taller than Ravenna and good-natured girl, daughter of one of the richest men in the city. She was only seventeen, in contrast to Ravenna who was twenty-one.

At least she was saying that she's twenty-one. The truth was that she was much more. She was always joyful, but worried for everything.

"I don't want to interrupt, but this guy…with these glasses and this suit. No offence, but he was absolutely horrifying."

"Yes, yes. Shinigami." She felt Mary's glare on her. "You haven't seen his friends." Ravenna examined the shelves. It was a textile shop. She touched the black silk with her fingers.

"I'm sorry, is he... your friend?" Mary asked her carefully.

"No, God save me. I just… accidentally, uhm, helped one of his friends with something." She said absently as she was touching a blue lace.

Mary laughed quietly.

"I heard that. Why are you laughing?"

"How does one help accidentally a shinigami?"

Ravenna shrugged.

"I can't believe this, there's no such thing as accidentally. You were probably there at the right place and time…" Mary stole a glance at Ravenna.

"Yeah… I guess that's one way to say it." Ravenna looked like she wasn't there at the moment.

"But… this guy was pretty serious. Is everything… ok?" Marry was burning with curiosity, but her manners weren't allowing her to ask personal things.

"Oh, well." Ravenna smiled to her." He offered me a work.

Mary wasn't satisfied with that.

"And?"

"He wants me to go to the London Shinigami Department and practice shinigami medicine there."

"Oh my God, but that's great. You're going, aren't you?"

'I don't know."

"Ravenna, that's an incredible chance. You can't ignore that offer. Ahhh, that'd be so exiting. I can totally imagine you there."

"Mary, there are many obstacles that won't allow me to do this."

"Come on… What obstacles would stop Ravenna Venille?" Mary looked at her provoking. "Try me."

"For a start… there are no women in this Department." Ravenna turned to her with a terrified expression, which made Mary laugh loudly.

"That's not funny. I am going to be alone there, sometimes maybe twenty-four hours a day. The only one I can trust is a red-haired freak who's actually not interested in women. Can you imagine what a terrific experience would be to work there? For goodness sake, they worship death, how can I breathe freely at this place?" Then she added quietly. "Forget it."

"But you're going to learn so many other things for shinigami and…" Mary was begging her. "Isn't that what you wished since a little? Come one, it can't be that bad."

Ravenna met her eyes.

"Do it. Please, do it. Please, please." Mary was entreating her.

Ravenna stood there, looking at her friend at least a couple of minutes, fighting with her fears. But in the end she just gave up and sighed deeply.

"Ok. I'll do it."

"Yes!" Mary hugged her tightly and soon they left the shop with a few details they could sew up to their dresses.

"Ravenna, my mother is organizing a ball for her birthday this Friday. Her idea is actually a masquerade. And you will definitely come, wearing something really beautiful." Mary was exited enough for both of them. "I am going to introduce you to the son of Countess Angelique. He's absolutely gorgeous."

"That's after three days. "Ravenna noticed. "Mary, you know I prefer wearing black. And stop searching for people who might like me."

"You shouldn't wear black; it's such a sad and lonely color. It's-"

"Classical. I'm not going to wear anything else than black. And I don't need anyone's company." Ravenna exclaimed.

"Alright… alright. Just come."

* * *

So now she packed her books and wondered if she hasn't mistaken with this decision. Well, this was indeed a really reckless decision, but she always dreamt of that. And she wasn't going to give up on it, whatever the cost might be.


	19. Masquerade

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XIX.

Ravenna moved all the things she needed for her work to a spacious room with a great view. She could watch the sunsets through the window.

She found a little peace of beauty the people and their cruelty haven't destroyed yet and she enjoyed it as much as she could. Actually she was doing just that, sitting on the chair, contemplating the weak October sun through the big window in front of her, in a beautiful long, black dress with high collar in a gothic style.

Ravenna looked at the clock and startled, afraid not to be late for the ball. She grabbed a small box and her coat and ran out of her room. Fortunately William gave her a room near the exit, so she doesn't get lost.

Ravenna entered the carriage, waiting for her outside and it set of. Usually she would stay away from these kinds of events, full of people, but she had to honor Mary and her mother with her presence. She was invited after all.

When the carriage finally stopped, she got out and lifted her hand. On her black gloves appeared small white snowflakes. She loved snow so much, but her attention was drawn to the hundreds of people who were entering the Francour manor.

Thousand lanterns were lightening the short path between the main road and the entrance. Ravenna walked to the entrance and waited for her turn. All the guests were beautifully dressed and each person had a gorgeous mask.

She noticed Mary in a caramel dress with a golden mask, covering the half of her face, standing on the entrance and welcoming the guests.

"Ravenna!" Mary screamed happily and ran up to her. "I am so glad you came… Where is your mask?

"I'll skip the masquerade, I'm not in the mood, Mary."

"But, what's the point, God… you're never in the mood, Raven." Mary frowned. "I'll call up Mr. Winders for you." She smiled brightly and ran back to the entrance.

"You'll call who?" Ravenna caught up with her and stopped her. "Mary! Don't call anybody. Please, don't make me talk to strangers now." She realized how tactless it was to act like that so she added. "I want to give your mother a present, would you take me to her?"

"But you can't enter without a companion. These are the rules. Wait here." Mary shrugged and entered the manor, getting lost from Ravenna's sight.

Soon Mary returned with a young gentleman with sky-blue eyes and a bright smile.

"Ravenna Venille, this is Edward Winders. Mr. Winders, this is Ravenna Venille."

'Good evening. Pleased to meet you."

He took Ravenna's hand and kissed it.

"Pleased to meet you too, Mr. Winders." She did her best to sound interested.

"Excuse me if it sounds a bit boldly, but you are looking very beautiful.

'Thank you very much, sir." Ravenna tried to look flattered, but she actually was praying for a miracle that would save her the suffering of amusing somebody else.

And she got what she was praying for.

"She looks absolutely stunning. No one could deny that. But when I look at her in these clothes I am sure she's freezing. I wouldn't leave such beauty in that snow… "A familiar male voice interrupted the dialogue."

Ravenna turned around in surprise and saw Undertaker standing in front of her in a frock-coat. His hair was gathered in a single braid. He kept his right hand behind his back.

They looked at each other a few seconds, before he turned to Mary and bowed.

"Adrian Crevan." He said. "Pleased to meet you, Ms Francour."

"Good evening, Mr. Crevan." Mary smiled bright and noticing immediately his light green eyes, stole an alarmed glance to Ravenna. The stitch on his face was terrifying her. She wondered how Ravenna could stay that close to him, while making a little, unconscious step backwards. "This is Sir Edward Winders."

They shook their hands. Undertaker pretended not to see everyone's horrified looks. He didn't really care about it since every normal person was scared of him.

"I believe you've met Ravenna Venille." Mary said slowly and her eyes were bouncing from Undertaker to Ravenna and back to him.

Ravenna was completely bewitched by the view. She couldn't take her eyes off Undertaker and the way the snowflakes were falling around him. She forced herself to blink, remembering that she disliked this man very much.

"Oh, yes. I have met her." He said softly.

"Mr. Crevan, why don't you have a mask on your face? You are aware that's a masquerade, right?" Mary asked with her never dying curiosity, hoping to not sound harsh.

Undertaker turned back to Ravenna and took her hand gently. She noticed his snow white gloves.

"I am not in need of a mask when I got this face." He smiled as he looked straight in her eyes and kissed her hand. Mary and Edward laughed, but Ravenna could feel the strong bitterness in this remark, so she remained silent.

It looked like Undertaker's eyes were trying to get through the unbreakable wall of Ravenna's, but without success. Mary wasn't sure what to do with the awkward silence, except to break it.

"Alright, everybody. Welcome to our Masquerade! Although some people clearly have no masks with themselves." She mumbled the last sentence. "Come inside! There are a few surprises for the guests." Mary exclaimed excited.

"Could you be my companion this night, Ms Francour?" Edward asked politely as he offered Mary his hand.

"With great pleasure, Sir Winders!" Mary took his hand and instantly looked at Ravenna worried, before moving forwards. Ravenna followed them with her eyes. Mary started talking with Edward and entered the manor.

"I am sorry, I know you wanted to have fun and I ruined everything again."

"So, that brings the question again, why are you here?"

"Too complicated answer. Dangerous matters. Let's first go inside."

"I can't get away from you, can I?" She turned to him.

"Do you want to?" He met her eyes, knowing the pain that was causing his presence to her.

"Do I have a choice?"

He thought a bit, before answering.

"Yes, you do."

She exhaled irritated, not being able to accept how great a person's bad luck can be and looked aside, feeling how the anger was raising up in her again.

"I can't believe it…"

"Would you give me the honor to be your companion, Ms. Venille?" Undertaker asked and offered his hand.

She swore to herself to not ever talk to him again back then. She broke that promise and it made her feel even worse than before. So she just reconciled with her situation at the moment and realized she had to give up on thinking.

Somehow the more she was thinking of her life and the things that were happening to her the more she was sinking. Finally she took his hand, leaving him to lead the way through the entrance and in the halls, bathed in lights and early winter joy.

* * *

**I know this is a headcanon, but I decided to use the name, because it suits him. Apart from that I can write whatever I want, this is fanfiction after all. We'll pretend it all to be in the realm of the imagination. **


	20. Truth

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XX.

Mary's mother, Caroline Francour, was glad to receive Ravenna's present – a small pin, inlaid with rubies and Mary was having so much fun throughout the night. Ravenna left Undertaker's presence right after they entered the manor and enjoyed a couple of hours away from it.

She was sitting on a chair in the end of a big white table, watching the dancing and laughing people. She wondered how they can be so happy. And what for? Undertaker was nowhere to be seen for these couple of hours, when he suddenly appeared behind her.

"That wasn't your real name, right?"

"Of course not. But I like it." He sat beside her. Then he handed her a glass with something red.

"Strawberry punch." He was so cheerful that Ravenna immediately suspected him.

"How many glasses did you drink from that?"

He screwed his eyes.

"I don't quite remember. I'm trying to have fun, unlike you."

_Great. Drunk shinigami is all I wanted now._

"Our kind is getting drunk easily. No, no... just kidding. It is only me that gets drunk so easily in the entire London. But I don't care. Cheers." He smiled to her and drained the glass.

"What are you doing?" Ravenna asked him, while thinking of a way to leave the party unnoticed.

"Do you wanna know the real purpose of me being here?" Undertaker questioned her as if he was going to announce a great secret.

"Yes."

"I didn't want to be standing alone in the emptiness of my room which I do for a couple of decades now." He waved with his hand. "I got bored… and then I remembered you. You shouldn't be left alone with your thoughts; they'll be the death of you."

Ravenna just looked at him.

"With the way you're looking me, I got the feeling that you're dreaming about me being six feet under." He whispered to her, still looking forward. "Don't worry. I do it quite often."

"I don't need compassion from you." She sipped from the punch and watched the mini orchestra at the corner of the hall. The music stopped and the musicians prepared for another classical peace. It was announced that the next one is a waltz.

"Will you honor me with one dance, milady?"

"No."

"Just one and I promise I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night." He moved in front of her, with a begging expression.

"You will?" That was a great thing to hear.

"Yes, I will."

"Then… it's ok. I guess… " Before she even finished her sentence, he took her hand and pulled her to the dancing floor, in the middle of the hall. "To be honest I wouldn't let you slip away, even if you didn't want to dance." He placed his hand on her waist and drew her little closer, smiling again. "So practically you didn't have a choice."

"Would you please stop talking? I can't hear the music…" Ravenna was irritated. And the worst part was that the waltz was slow.

He seemed offended for a while, but then he just stared at her in silence, while she was scanning the people around them as if she would find salvation in them.

"So, where is your robe… sir?" She couldn't stand his behavior, sarcastically beginning a conversation.

"Don't you like this outfit? I'll be mistaken for my gender if I carry that robe to all the social gatherings and balls, don't you think?"

She looked aside, wondering why she even started talking.

"What's wrong?" He asked strangely serious and stretched, taking a glass of wine from the waiter who was walking around with a tray.

"Nothing." Her voice was cutting. "Do you realize how drunk you are?"

"Yes. No." He paused, looking confused at her. His left hand was still around her waist. "Maybe. Wait… why are we dancing, again? You despise me, I'm drunk… what a great time to be alive."

"We are not dancing, I dance and you drink alcohol."

His eyes were different, the constant strained to the maximum concentration was missing. They seemed distant, but soft.

"We had something in common, didn't we?" He looked at her intently, like the answer was written on her. "What was it?"

"Undertaker?"

"OH, yes. Yes! My father." He brightened up and started laughing. "My daddy killed your family, right?"

She opened her mouth completely disgusted by what she heard, but couldn't say a thing. Instead she tried to leave the dancing floor, but with no success. His hand didn't let her move. He leaned forwards to her.

"But he started from somewhere, you see. Firstly... he killed his own family." Ravenna could feel his voice, suppressed with anger. He was looking through her. His eyes were seeing something else, something that she couldn't see. "My mother and my brothers, everyone."

Suddenly the pressure of his hand shattered the glass in peaces and Ravenna saw how the pain instantly sharpened his senses, his eyes cleared. He startled, pulling himself backwards. Most of the couples around them were following his every move. He looked at his glove, soiled with blood and then the shattered glass on the ground.

"I… I'm sorry. Excuse me." He made his way through the crowd and left the hall as fast as he could.

A group of people gathered around Ravenna and he heard them whispering. Some of them started asking her questions.

"Miss, are you hurt?"

"Is everything ok, Ms Venille?"

"Did he do something against your will?"

"Who was that man?"

"Ravenna!" Even when she heard Mary's voice, she couldn't move her eyes from the glass peaces on the ground. Mary blocked her view and shook her hands lightly. " Ravenna? What happened?"

"I was so wrong… " Ravenna wasn't sure that she said it out loud, but it seemed she has.

"What? What did you say?"

Ravenna inhaled with difficulty and met her friend's eyes.

"I was so wrong, Mary..." She whispered with all the voice she had left.

"I don't understand what this is about."

"Mary, do you have a tissue?"

Mary was generally confused.

"A tissue? What for? Ravenna, mind if you explain to me what's happening here? An uninvited man who looks like death itself appeared with you by his side and followed you all night and then…"

Ravenna laughed and shook her head.

"Right. That's how you all see him." She went to the nearest table and grabbed the first napkin she saw and headed to the next hall.

"Wait, Ravenna! Are you sure everything's fine? I don't understand… Where are you going?" Mary couldn't explain herself Ravenna's behavior at all.

Ravenna stopped and turned to her with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"I owe an apology to someone."

* * *

**Drunk!Undertaker is absolutely adorable and so much fun to write ;3 Hope you like the way I saw it all happening…**


	21. Afterglow

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXI.

Ravenna wiped off her eyes, while walking through the third hall of the manor, on the second floor and still full of people. But The Undertaker was nowhere to be found. At the end she was forced to ask a few of the guests, if they've seen him passing. The irony was that one little boy came to her at last and pulled her dress lightly.

"Are you lost?" The boy asked with curiosity.

Ravenna smiled and squatted, leveling with him.

"No. But I am looking for someone." She sighed.

"Who are you looking for?"

"A man… with blood on his hand." She laughed on the boy's expression.

"Why is his hand in blood?" He was confused.

Ravenna found it adorable and continued answering his question.

"He cut himself on a glass involuntarily and I want to help him. The problem is that I can't find him."

"I saw him." The boy started laughing. "He looked funny.

"You saw him? Where did he go?" That's why Ravenna adored kids; they were so honest and so bright, never seeing the bad side. And they were never afraid.

"I'll show you. Follow me, fair lady." The boy said and made Ravenna smile again. He was running in front of her, leading her to а glass door. The boy pointed through the door.

"There."

Ravenna shook hands with the boy, which he found extremely funny.

"Thank you for your help, sir. I'll never forget that." Ravenna said serious and the boy ran away still laughing.

Then she hurried to walk through the door and stepped in the light snow that has covered the terrace like a white tablecloth. The only light on the terrace was coming from the hall so it was pretty dark.

The light was animating the snow into an enchanting glitter, like a blanket of million diamonds. She saw Undertaker at the other side of the balcony.

He was confused, holding his head with his left, unwounded hand. He was walking to and fro, obviously not paying attention that his right hand was leaving a series of little blood drops on the fair luminosity on the ground beneath them, when suddenly noticed her and took a step backwards, talking fast.

"I know I can't handle alcohol at all and I still drink it. That's extremely stupid, right? I end up here and... I-I said something. I shouldn't have said that, whatever it was. What did I say?"

She took a few steps closer, a meter away from him. She felt like a flame closing up to gunpowder.

"I hurt someone, didn't I? Yes, that's what I do for living, hurting people. Family business." He laughed briefly, more like a nervous tic and then immediately added serious "No, that's not funny."

Ravenna stepped as close as she could and took his hand, silencing him. She pulled the single glass piece from his palm with the napkin and removed his glove slowly. Then she gathered a little snow from the railing next to them and placed it on his hand.

"Do you always secretly stalk people who cut themselves?" He asked seriously, the coldness had returned his common sense. Way too serious than she expected.

Ravenna raised her head.

"Why is everyone about to cry when I'm near?" He sighed irritated.

"Listen, I…I am so sorry. I told you all these horrible things back then." She felt something warm falling down her cheek and she lowered her face again.

Her candid confession expressed in the little breads that were rolling down her eyes once again. She honestly didn't know how to express her thoughts. He was one of these types of people who confuse you even when you stay near them.

"I didn't mean them…I was so cruel, I'm sorry. Would you…would you find a way to forgive me?"

"Aren't you tired of crying? I am not mad at you. There's no point in apologizing."

She stepped backwards, meeting his eyes.

"Yes, you are. I saw it in your eyes that day and I keep seeing it."

"I am not offended. I know what grief makes of people. You just needed to hate someone." He stated evenly, his expression absolutely emotionless.

"But…." She looked down. "You were acting like nothing ever happened, I couldn't accept that. I hated you for not understanding. You were a cold-hearted bastard in my eyes and I kept forcing myself to hate you."

She sighed.

"And then you come and tell me that… I-" She was so shocked to realize the truth that she could barely speak. "I had no idea."

"Tell you what? – He didn't remember.

"Your family…"

"Wait…I told y- Oh." He avoided her penetrating blue eyes. "That's… That wasn't very appropriate. I…shouldn't have even mentioned it."

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." She paused and felt his eyes like a laser on her in the brief silence.

"Careful with that." His voice was slightly menacing. "Your honesty might hurt you one day."

"I don't care what you're thinking of me, you won't make me turn against you after what I heard."

"It was a mistake." He cut her off, his eyes darkened. He made a step away, turning his back to her. "I'd say forget about it if I wasn't sure you'll engrave it in you memory."

"Why are you so dead frigid?"

"I'll stay away from you. I think its best for you to do the same from now on." His silky voice was cracking with supressed anger.

"I don't understand… What are you winning that way?" Ravenna's voice was louder than she expected and she made a brief pause. _So… why are you here then? _The question popped up in her mind, but she didn't say it out loud.

"I know words can't explain it, so I'll prove to you how sorry I am with time." She added firmly, but he just stood up frozen in his place. "I won't let you down."

"Are we going back inside?" He turned back to her.

She was confused by the tepidity in his voice and met his eyes. His words reached her with the sharpness of a winter wind, like he slammed and locked a door right in her face. She wondered if it would've been best if she didn't talk to him at all.

But it was her fault, her rash accusations were ungrounded and she had to apologize. She apologized, but she was still feeling that weight in her chest.

Words wouldn't help, she thought. And the silence was wiser than all the words now. Ravenna walked in front of him and they both returned to the halls quietly and spent the rest of the night in silence.

* * *

**I don't know for you guys, but I hella like Ravenna. She's a loyal heart and a wise mind. ;3**


	22. Forbidden

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXII.

"What sorcery did you use on that guy? He was quiet before, but now he's walking around in ghastly silence."

"Uhm, I might have said a thing or two."

Grell raised an eyebrow.

"The Undertaker I know does not pout for the next thing."

"I met him on the ball for Caroline Francour's birthday." Ravenna shrugged. "The whole London was there. And I was angry to the world."

She was sitting in her chair, behind her desk of mahogany with countless cupboards. Just when she was reading one of her books with the name "General Shinigami Medicine", Grell rushed in the room, extremely upset that no one wants to talk to him. And by "no one" he meant someone particular.

"What was he doing there!? He swore to me he'd stay away from you… " Grell shouted and then added murmuring: "This bastard… I haven't used my saw-"

"I don't know, Grell." She didn't allow him to finish, his imagination was going wild again. "He was there, then he got drunk and told me…" Ravenna stopped, reminding herself of a promise she made.

"Drunk? That's interesting." Grell giggled. "And what did he tell you?"

She paused a bit.

"He told me I was the reason he's there and… I really don't understand. I thought about it and I still don't have any solution on that unexpected turn of events." She exhaled. Would she ever know his father killed his family too if he didn't get drunk? Or did he say it to her intentionally?_"_

""Women are sometimes more perspicacious than men" my _ass._ You have no idea what men have in their heads and I gotta tell you they have lots of things."

"Yeah… right." Ravenna scowled on the documents in front of her." You'd know."

"Let's not be sexists, darling."

Ravenna send him a meaning look.

"What happened to you, actually? I thought you hate him." Grell stood up and started touching everything he could reach on her desk.

"Nothing. I realized I have to be gentler with people. No one is guilty for my problems and ever-changing moods." She shrugged.

Grell laughed loudly.

"If you think I am believing that, then you don't have any idea of me."

"You are right. I don't." Ravenna sighed and relaxed on her chair. She bit her lip and watched intently the air in front of her. "Grell, what kind of person names himself after a person who buries dead people in the ground on…how old is he?"

"I walk around the whole day and ask The Undertaker for his age. How the _hell_ should I know? He looks twenty-five to me. I'm sure he had lived at least a century, though." Grell pulled out a little mirror out of his coat and looked himself in it. "As for his name…"

"Anyway, isn't here someone who's interested in his real name?"

"Listen, sweetheart. I'm the only one who dares to go near that black soul and I don't want to disturb it with curiosity. What kind of a person has stitches all over his body? A freaking lunatic, that's what I say." Grell snorted.

"Grell, please… I'm serious. Try not to judge him by his looks. What do you see?"

Suddenly the door opened and Undertaker rushed in and by the way he was walking they could tell he's not in a good mood. His masterful body language was reminding them to stay away. There was something about him that Ravenna would call intimidating magnificence.

"Sutcliff, I need you. Come immediately."

"For you every time, sweetheart!" Grell stood up and smiled to him, showing his sharp teeth. "I don't think you need me only for my good looks, right? Why are you so bloody serious?"

"Would you come outside?" He looked at Ravenna and then back at Grell.

"Nope."

The Undertaker stared at him for a few moments.

"Forget it. Stay here. No need of you to interfere." He said calmly, but his soft timbre was turning his words into stings. Then he turned to Ravenna. "Excuse my intrusion. Goodbye." He left the room as he entered it – quietly.

"Grell, why did you-"

"Because I was figuring out his reticence. Damn, he's like an ice-covered ice." He looked at the door. "He used to laugh at one time, you know. God, he was laughing all the time, to everything. It was nice. But then he decided to return to the Department. " Grell sighed and stared at the air. "And I finally got to see his eyes… back then."

'Grell, skip the romantic part, please. So you knew him from before?"

"Well, what do I tell you? He did some strange things, he lived isolated. Like a funeral director. He has worked in the London Department long before me and William got here."

"Strange things?"

"It happened long ago. We were on Campania. You remember the accident with that luxury passenger ship? Undertaker was the one to blame. It's funny how we never noticed he's a shinigami. That day we all saw his eyes."

"Grell." Ravenna said with begging voice.

"He's sexy as hell, what do I do?" Grell lifted his hands, like that fact was an excuse.

"Please continue."

"Right." He looked at her extremely bored." Undertaker was out of his mind then. He broke our law by using people for his interests.

"What?"

"Yes. He explained to us how he could use his powers to turn people back to life. He was so obsessed with that idea. Immortal life for everyone. No more dying. But you see, playing God - that's forbidden."

"Oh dear…" Ravenna frowned. "What happened with that idea of his?"

"His Bizarre Dolls couldn't live the life he dreamt of giving them. They were nothing more than empty bodies with no souls. That's the problem when you play God. You don't have the most important. Undertaker was trying to create life without the divine spark in it."

"And the effect was devastating. We had to burn down everything he had done and stop him of course. That was a bad mistake, because he could kill ten shinigami in a room, before they even notice. Please remind me not to make him angry again."

Ravenna couldn't believe all that.

"That's… sad."

"It's disgusting! How can you use people like that? That's completely unacceptable. Though I admit it, it would've been a great fun… all this blood and-"

"Grell!" She ticked him off. "Why didn't you guys try talking to him?"

"We deal with the problem with wiping it out, dear. Plus, he was rebellious like a forest fire. There's no way you can find a drop of common sense in a destructive force. It wasn't recklessness in his eyes, it was domination over death."

"Do you understand how strong he longed for this? When you give to a genius great power, he surely goes insane. Undertaker forgot every rule and tried to cross the border of what's allowed. Even Death Gods can't mess with the divine laws."

Grell shrugged and made a brief pause. "_Then_ he suddenly appeared here and asked for forgiveness. We knew about his natural talent in reaping and we allowed him to collect souls again. I've never heard him laugh since that moment, nor smile, at least trully, nor talk more than it was necessary. If you have any idea what's gotten into him, feel free to share."

He sat back on the armchair and sighed.

"Well, not everything can be solved by force." Ravenna broke the silence.

"I thought your specialty was medicine not psychology."

Ravenna was scratching the white page in front of her thoughtful.

"I was just curious. I am confused to see this type of shinigami."

"There is only one type shinigami."

"I mean… I grew up in a family that lived among humans. I never knew real shinigami, I never got that close to shinigami. I am a bit confused by all this information. And now I have the chance of observe our unique kind."

"Are you impressed so far?"

"Yes, I have you – you are insane. I got William – he'll gladly destroy the universe as long as there's an order for that. I got Undertaker – he saved my life, I saved his, I hated him, now he hates me, I don't know why. The new ones are a complete disaster with the self-control. The only normal might turn Ronald Knox…" Ravenna sighed.

"The examination of shinigami is so much fun, especially with guys like you. I knew my father wouldn't give up on this if it wasn't something really soul-wringing."

"But?"

"I like it." She confessed horrified and looked at Grell. "I love it here. I feel like I've found the treasure I was looking for all my life."

"That's new. No one likes it here anyway." Grell said. "You're not planning to poison us all, right? Because I've had enough of creative evil geniuses."

"No." Ravenna laughed. "Well, maybe just a little."


	23. Flair

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXIII.

A few weeks passed, it was getting colder and colder as October was leaving slowly, but surely. Ravenna was watching intently the steam rising up from the heated tea-pot on her desk, still trying to collect her scattered thoughts.

While ignoring everyone's presence in the small white room at the London Department, she was fighting an inner battle. She was split between two concepts. Her whole being was inciting her to revenge her family's death. She wanted justice, compensation for the pain she had suffered.

The fact that Teryx Cron enjoyed all of it was making her fly into a rage. But her family wouldn't want her to seek vengeance and she knew that in her heart. She tried to get over that anger in the past weeks, but without succeeding.

Now, sitting in her office, she thought of it again and it really didn't help her to calm exhaled irritated and turned to the big window, at the right side of her desk. The sun was already setting.

She couldn't continue like that. Fortunately someone knocked on the door of her office and she raised her head.

"Come in." Ravenna took off her glasses. She was pleasantly surprised by the sight of a young blonde girl. The latter entered the room, looking incredibly frightened.

'Can I help you? - Ravenna stood up and went closer to her. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I just... " The girl leaned on the door and it closed with a click. "Can I stay here for a while?"

"Well, of course. You look pale. Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Came the quick answer.

Ravenna wondered what's wrong.

"You can sit if you'd like." She said calmly and smiled. "What's the self-invitation in the medical office about?"

The girl bit her lip and pointed behind her back with her thumb.

"Sorry I -I'm new..." The girl started, but didn't seem to know what to add so she just stopped and exhaled loudly.

"Too much testosterone around, ha?" Ravenna folded her arms. "Its levels border on insanity."

"Yeah... pretty much." The girl said with horrified expression on her face.

Ravenna smiled and the girl laughed, looking at her like she was a saving boat on a sinking ship.

"How did you manage to survive this madness!?" She opened her green shinigami eyes wide.

"First I don't show any weakness. They'll immediately put you a tag "helpless woman" if you do. Second I don't feel. Third I don't try to give my personal opinion to any of the questions or problems here. Fourth I don't judge anyone for anything. Fifth I try not to think of anything out of my job."

Ravenna started counting with her fingers, but suddenly gave up. "Actually you know what? Act like a man. Be a man. That should save you all the efforts in surviving."

"I think I'll never be able to reach your level, milady."

"I'm kidding." Ravenna waved with her hand and continued. "You should stay as far as you can from these guys. Just... run and hide. My office is a perfect hiding place. You're welcome anytime. And... Call me Raven, please."

The girl finally calmed down and smiled timid.

"Thank you so much, Raven. I'm Kiara Flair."

"Nice to meet you, miss Flair. Please, sit. Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please."

Ravenna went to her desk and poured tea from the tea-pot in the two white porcelain glasses, while Kiara sat on the black sofa at her right. Raven took the glasses with her and sat right beside the girl.

"So... what were you running from, Kiara? Or should I say "who"?" Ravenna smiled.

"Hysterical red-haired psychopath with a saw and Undertaker."

"You'll get used to the psychopath." Ravenna shot her with a surprised look. "But you seem to know Undertaker?"

Kiara laughed.

"Of course I know him. Every shinigami knows him, he's a legend. Well, at least that's what I hear since a little. You know... shinigami family."

Ravenna tried to ignore all the memories and painful thoughts that were rushing once again in her mind and lowered her eyes on her tea.

"Anyway. What are _you_ doing here all alone with these guys? You don't look... I mean... your eyes aren't..."

"I am a daughter of a shinigami. I am a shinigami." Ravenna said a bit more harshly than she wanted. "Though I don't collect souls like the others."

A brief silence followed and Ravenna decided to change the subject.

"You must have a brother, big brother. Is he here?"

"Ye- wait, how did you know all that?"

"I'm very interested in shinigami. I've always wondered how is that we live forever, but only death-scythes can hurt us or kill us, how are we a couple times stronger than humans, how we heal faster than them. How are we more sensitive than them?"

"How is that we have, well ninety-nine percent of shinigami have these specific green eyes?" Ravenna gave a faint smile. "Also... It's a fact that _every_ first-born child in a shinigami family is a boy. There is no exception. That's how I knew you're not an only child."

"I didn't know that. That's very interesting. So you must also have a big brother, right?"

Ravenna tightened her hand around her glass and gathered all the brightness she had left to meet Kiara's eyes.

"I had. They… were killed." Ravenna wasn't sure why she was so honest. Maybe that she finally met a girl in this place and felt her closer. "One bigger and one smaller than me."

She saw the compassion in Kiara's sad eyes.

"I am so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you." Raven said gratefully and they both remained silent for a second.

"As you see I am into medicine. Although shinigami don't get hurt or sick easily I thought I might be useful here at the London Department." Ravenna shrugged and sipped from her tea.

"You sure are useful. At least to me… Have you cured someone till now?" Kiara asked curiously, looking really interested in Ravenna's work.

"Well..." Ravenna placed her tea back on her desk. "I did. Just once. That's actually how I got here. I don't want to talk about it."

Kiara looked at her confused, but remained silent.

"Everyone here is so scary and lonely and sad!" Kiara exclaimed.

"How is collecting souls of dying humans a happy job?"

"I haven't said that. I just wonder... why aren't we glad for this incredible opportunity? How many beings in the world have the privilege to preserve such precious things like human souls? Everyone here is doing this like an obligation and not like a chance to see something special, every single day."

"You are right." Ravenna agreed. "Maybe if you do this for a thousand years you'll get bored pretending that collecting souls is interesting."

After Kiara's laugh another knocking pierced the silence.

"Yes?"

A blonde boy opened the room and entered slowly. Before Ravenna could say anything, her interlocutor took the word.

"Glace!" Kiara jumped and pulled the boy in the room happily.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion." He said to Ravenna and turned to Kiara with a freezing glare. "I was worried about you and you were nowhere to be found! What are you doing here?"

"Hiding from your colleagues, that's what!" Kiara answered his glare with another one. But a second later she couldn't resist him and laughed, hugging him. Then she faced Ravenna. "Raven, let me present to you Glacis Flair, my sweet big brother."

"Interesting name." She smiled. "I'm Ravenna Venille."

Glacis stared at her for a second, but then he turned back to Kiara.

"I should return to my room. Kiara, you too. Let's go."

"But why so early?"

"Because I won't let you walk all alone in this Department. Not for a single minute. It's dangerous."

"I agree with that." Kiara bit her lip thoughtfully. "Alright then. I was really happy to meet this fine _lady_ here. I though that I might be the only one around."

"As I told you before, you're welcome anytime, Kiara." Ravenna said calmly and went to the little sofa, taking her coat from there.

"Are you leaving too?"

"Should I call for a carriage, Miss Venille?" Glacis asked politely.

"No, no. It's fine. I wanted to walk to my house."

"Alone?"

"Yes." Raven smiled brightly.

They left her office and headed to the exit. Once they reached it, Ravenna left them in the Department and walked outside. It was chilly, because of the sharp wind.

The London sky was always dark, but now it looked grey and snowy. Ravenna tucked her scarf around her neck. She moved down the white steps and when they ended she raised her head and froze.

The Undertaker was standing right in front of her. Pale and still, a living angel of darkness. His eyes were distant again, probably observing another dimension.

Ravenna was surprised, but didn't make a move. And if she had walked with closed eyes, she wouldn't have ever known he was there. As she was answering his look, she thought of something. Ravenna had the habit of inventing a specific picture for everyone in her head.

She loved that. It was like doing a portrait for each person you meet. If she had to describe Grell - the picture would probably be a moonlight crossing a window, falling on a goblet with blood in it, if it was for William - it would surely be a throne made of ice, but when it came to Undertaker, all she had in mind was "sadness".

That was the exact word. Perhaps sunset, with azure, smooth-surfaced sea of sadness. He was making her feel like she had fallen in a timeless chasm, where you forget all the meanings of existence. The fact that he could take her to that condition with a single look frightened her.

"Are you going home on your own?"

She was so mesmerized by the picture her thoughts molded that her answer came later than normal.

"It's not far, I'll be fine." She said slowly.

"That's not appropriate."

"But-"

"No. You're alone."

"I'm glad you noticed."

"You shouldn't walk alone, it's getting dark." He slightly screwed his eyes.

"I can protect myself. Thank you for your concern." Ravenna realized that she not only was breaking all the rules that good manners required but she also was extremely daring in every conversation she had in the last weeks. She really wanted to walk alone, with her thoughts, at the moment.

"I'll walk with you then." He said like it was the only possible, natural way to end this conversation.

For a moment they just watched at each other, each one of them fighting thunderous battle while the wind was accompanying them with its song. Then Ravenna stepped beside him, her shoulder next to his. "Fine. Anyway I have questions to ask."

* * *

**I finally had the time to write the next chapter. *whew***

**I thought of something… I know that in the manga, once The Undertaker shows his face and everybody's like "Oh he's a shinigami!", he says "It's been half a century since someone last called me that." Which means he's quite old. But I(we) don't know exactly how old. It's kinda hard to write for him when I don't know anything about him. So I'll be making up some details, but I'll try to keep his main character as whole as possible. I hope everybody will be fine with that… Love ya, have a nice day ;3**


	24. Send off

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXIV.

"Let's start with the easy ones. What's the reason we keep on meeting while you swore to ignore my presence so…passionately?"

Undertaker was seemingly calm, but his eyes were following nervous every shadow moving around them. The London Department was already behind them and Ravenna decided to start a conversation. She didn't wait long for an answer of her question though.

"Do you know why Teryx Cron is just a myth, a ghost in everyone's minds?"

_I don't have to care about the murderer of my family, right?_ Her mind whispered impulsive, but she said nothing out loud. He continued, knowing that she wont say anything.

"Because no one lives long enough to tell the truth behind him. No one seems to know who he is or how he looks like."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you are alive."

She realized what he was implying and remained silent. It was really true that his father didn't kill her, although she saw him, heard his voice.

"As far as I know…" He narrowed his eyes again, focusing on an unknown point in the distance. "My father's not benevolent. It's quite unusual for him to be that kind."

"So basically I'm alive and I shouldn't have been." She drew a conclusion.

"I haven't said that."

"But you surely mean it. I'm your father's mistake." She looked aside, but felt that he stopped and she stopped too.

"Are you insane? I am trying to protect you here."

"Ok." She agreed emotionless.

"Protect your _life_. Have I _ever_ insinuated that I bear ill will against you? In any way?" Ravenna wondered where he was hiding the sea of emotions exploding every time he was speaking. His voice was always so calm and soft, yet severe.

She knew he wanted to sound calm, but she felt his extreme irritation. It was probably all in her mind, but of one thing she was certain. The conversation turned into a fight again. And she was the reason for that. They just couldn't manage to talk like normal people talk.

"I'm sorry." She stepped a little closer. He recoiled at lightning speed.

"Don't." He shook his head and started walking slowly again. She followed him.

"This is ridiculous. Let's start again. I want us to be friends."

He smiled in disbelief.

"I am serious. You look like you're going to wage war against me. Every time we meet."

He didn't say a thing and they continued walking in a long silence.

She really wanted to crack his indestructible walls and that's why she wasn't going to give up.

"Why is that look?" She asked.

"What look?

"In your eyes. Like there's no point in anything." She made a pause, but he preferred silence."Don't you have anything to fight for?"

"Any other questions?" He looked at her like she was the next passer-by.

That cold politeness again. He was the hardest person to have a conversation with in her whole life. Just as Grell said - _ice-covered ice._

"Yes. Well... Let's imagine Teryx Cron is caught, what happens then?"

"He will be punished."

"Death penalty?"

"Obviously."

She looked forwards, feeling his eyes on her. A minute passed in silence, when Undertaker spoke again.

"Don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Poisoning your mind with this man. I know you want to avenge your family."

"He took all I had, what do you suggest? Sitting in my library and shaking in fear?"

Silence fell again.

"What about you?" Ravenna asked.

"Me?"

"Don't you want to avenge your family?"

"Taking away life is not going to change a thing or turn back someone to life."

She wasn't sure what his answer meant.

"So you don't want to kill him?"

"I don't know whose hand will take away his life. But I won't be at peace until he dies."

"So and I." She looked ahead and after long silence added. "That day…on the bench in the graveyard. I just remembered what you said. I honestly didn't believe anyone had the slightest idea what I felt."

"Every one of us lives through pain differently. There is no way I could know how you felt."

"But you must've felt something. Something close to what I felt." Ravenna offered as gently as she could.

"You're wrong. I don't believe we felt the same way at all." He stated sharply once again.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because there is difference. He is chasing me my whole life. While in your case he just I dont know... walked by you and left." His voice was surprisingly even.

"That's what I'm talking about." She was shocked by the void that was constantly embracing him.'' Why don't you let yourself feel something?

"Because it's devastating." She turned to him sharply, finally hearing an emotion in his voice. For the first time. He continued soft as always.

"No one can bear that. That's why you chose to obsess your mind with revenge. And I chose to obsess my mind with emotionless existing. Just to stay away from the crushing pain."

He just finished his sentence and they reached the outskirts of London. The Venille estate was in front of them. He stopped and turned to her.

Ravenna looked at him with all the compassion she was able to gather. She felt really strange, she has almost forgotten what compassion was. Because lately all she thought was her feelings, her loss and her pain.

Nothing else. Now she felt like waking up from a dream, leaving her own world for the first time since a really long time. She realized there was much more pain in the world around her and beyond her.

"I know. Believe me I know... " She said and met his eyes in one long moment. His eyes were hiding thoughts forever mysterious to her, but still she didn't lose hope, no matter his behavior. Ravenna lifted her hand, offering a handshake and smiled. "Friends?"

He stared at her at least a minute, took a deep breath and exhaled.

"What does that mean?" She narrowed eyes.

"Alright." Undertaker took her hand gently and for her surprise, kissed it. "You should try acting like a lady once."

"Thank you." She smiled, still keeping her eyes on the green, vigilant ones against her. "I should try to remember how."

Undertaker was the first to escape the weird silence that fell again, looking aside from her. He stepped backwards.

"I think... I should go now. Good night, miss."

"Good night... '' Ravenna said while watching him walking away with his black robe barely touching the surface and his hair, coruscating in silver brilliance on the setting sun. "Undertaker."


	25. Legacy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXV.

_What? What in the great heavens am I doing? _

_I was going to stay away from her. _

Undertaker kept worrying that he was breaking his principles and he couldn't do anything about it. Soon as he left Ravenna, he felt extremely confused. His thoughts were still with her. And exactly that frightened him. Everything was linked with her.

He was crossing the London streets as fast as he could, one with the shadows that were spreading throughout the city. Darkness embraced the streets and houses, they grew more quiet and more stealthy with the lack of the sunlight and the warmth that it brings.

It was then in that almost complete darkness of a small street that he stopped and surprised himself with the realization that he had grown fond of Ravenna. That was the feeling that made him feel bad. He wasn't sure why was that constant worrying about her.

It wasn't just that his mind was kind of surrounding her. He felt like he was holding a rare diamond in his hands and the simple task of keeping it safe was somehow indispensable. It was too obsessing, this connection with her.

Obsessing with things was bad. He knew that from his own experience. He knew that whenever he got too close to something it was surely breaking, he couldn't allow this to happen to her.

On the other side he couldn't shake off this bad feeling inside him. The thought of Ravenna hurt was terrifying him, the thought of Ravenna being alive was bothering him very deeply.

His father was a cold-blooded killer, there was absolutely no chance of her to be left alone after she saw and heard him.

_I am missing something. _

_Something very, very important._

_What is so special about her that my father wants to keep?_

A scream pierced the flow of his thoughts. It wasn't hard to find it's source, for shinigami were gifted or maybe cursed with painfully high sensibility.

He was fast, but not fast enough. On the pavement, in a not very wide, dark alley was lying a woman. Her tough breathing was telling him that there wasn't much time left for her. He ran to the end of the alley, but it was dark and quiet.

The only thing that moved was the flickering flame of the black lantern on the main street. He turned around sharply, the killer probably has run away through the rooftops of one of the two buildings in front of him. But whoever did that was incredibly rapid and probably long gone.

The Undertaker returned to the woman. She had huddled up on the wall and coughed blood.

There was a big wound in her chest. That really surprised The Undertaker. He hadn't seen a breathing human with an already extracted soul. He always thought that such thing was impossible. He had tried to create such phenomenon, but he never succeeded.

_Could it be?_

"What's your name?" He kneeled in front of her.

"Kim." She forced herself to smile, but her words scalded him like a burning sting. The next letter. He took her hand and turned the palm. He saw his name carved there.

"How are you still alive?"

"I didn't know death was so beautiful." The woman reached for him with her last strength, almost touching his face.

"Did you see him?" He asked persistently. "The one who did this to you."

"I've always thought Death rejoices... over the ones who are... finally ready to leave this world." Her breath was scanty and her voice was weaker with every word. There was no fear in Kim's eyes, she was curious and secure, despite her condition. "But you are cold... and sad. Unearthly sad."

"Did you see him?! Did he say something? Please, tell me.'' Undertaker demanded.

"Those scars... you carry the pain of the world... within you.'' She continued slowly.

"I need to know who did this to you, dear... Help me save others."

"But pain is good.'' A tear fell down her cheek.

"Wh- What? Stop it. Your killer... " His voice suddenly faded away, his eyes went clearer. He looked at her like he saw her for the first time. Then he continued quietly. ''How is pain good?''

"You are different from him. You know what's important. That's good too."

"You are talking like you know me."

"I don't... " She smiled brightly, although her shivers were turning her expression into a ghastly grimace. "You only look like him. It doesn't mean you have to be like him."

She exhaled one last time and her body slacked in, sinking in an eternal slumber. He continued looking at her for god knows how long. Then he finally closed her eyes.

Undertaker stood up slowly and lightly, his eyes still fixed on the woman. He had sensed Ronald coming, but he was sure his colleague had not heard the conversation between him and the woman. He was a bit late, running to reach and reap a soul that wasn't there.

"Goodness, William is going to kill me, I'm late again."

"Too bad you have no soul to take. It was stolen."

"Kimberly Grant, 42, murdered on Friday, at 19:23 pm." Ronald Knox ran out of the shadows of the alley. He seemed really bored. "Well, I guess your father aga-"

"He's not my father!'' The Undertaker cut Ronald off and shove him on the wall behind. "Don't you ever say this monster is my father..."

Ronald decided to stay silent and still. He wasn't frightened though, Undertaker wouldn't kill him with no reason. But he was somehow more terrifying than ever.

Of all the faces, characters and critical points Ronald had seen the last one was the most scary. Because he was completely capable of destroying the world if he wanted to, he knew hundreds of ways to kill and torture, he knew every weak spot of the body, every strategy that his victim can make up against him.

It wasn't even worth trying to escape him. Yet his last incarnation was withering, because his voice was too soft to answer his rage. And his eyes were too full of emotion to belong to a great shinigami like himself.

"Damn it, Ronald. I..." He released Ronald and took a few steps backward until his back reached the cold wall on the other side of the alley. All that Ronald was seeing was his toxic green eyes and silver hair. "There is something _really_ wrong with me.'

"Yes, that's correct. Everyone should remember the day when you finally realized that." Ronald fixed his glasses cheerfully like nothing happened.

"No." Undertaker whispered as he brushed his hair backwards, his glowing green eyes locked once again in their constant melancholic depth. "No."

He sighed.

"The problem is not that I can't find and take down this bastard. The problem is that I'm not sure if I want to."

"You should really go and get some sleep. And not in a coffin, but in a bed. You should try it. It's nice."

"I am serious."

"I don't believe what you're saying. And I think you don't believe it too."

"I don't want to kill anyone. I don't want to have anything to do with murders, killing and family issues anymore."

"We have to stop Teryx Cron in some way." Ronald shrugged. "It's not necessary for you to kill him. He'll get what he deserves once we catch him. Help us catch him and we won't bother you with anything else."

"And how exactly do you expect me to _catch him_? Tie him up like a dog and lead him into the Department on leash? You can't negotiate with a psycho."

Ronald didn't answer.

"What did William tell you? "They are the same blood, the same insanity runs in their veins, he should be the most capable of stopping him?" Undertaker laughed, but his thoughts were running wild in his head.

_Is my father trying to do the same thing? _

_The same thing I wanted so badly? But... what if he has found...a way? _

_To stop it all. Endless life. No, impossible. Or is it?_

"Well. Too bad. I have no idea what is he planning to do. I still don't know why he's killing people, what does he need souls for. Or why the hell did he team up with a demon."

"What about the girl? Maybe the answers are in her."

"Maybe. Maybe not." Undertaker decided to keep his thoughts in secret for now.

"I guess we'll find out." Ronald lowered his gaze on the woman laying languid on the ground. "Soon enough."

* * *

**I'm sorry that I was late with the update and the new chapter. I really hope you are not mad at me ;3 I just have so much work to do lately, I am sorry (again). I don't know if the story's interesting enough, but I'll keep writing and hopefully find out if it's all worth it. Tell me if you find any mistakes.  
**

**Thanks for reading, have a great day! 3**


	26. Tea

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXVI.

Ravenna woke up in the huge bed of mahogany in her own room. She inhaled the chilly air, without opening her eyes. It smelled like old paper, thanks to the tons of books she held in the small space between the big desk and the classical, solid clock she had next to the big window.

And the lovely cinnamon... the little cup with small sticks cinnamon on her bedside cabinet was scattering a sweet scent in the cold December morning. She caught the sheets and then a sharp pain cut through her head.

She opened her eyes and waited for the pain to stop, but it just increased with every move she was making. She stood up in a sitting position and brushed her hair backwards. The headache was so intense it was clouding her thoughts and all she did was watching a point in the ceiling for a minute.

After a long time, when it was almost unbearable, she suddenly jumped off her bed with a half thoughtful half harassed expression and opened the first shelf in her desk.

The object that she held in her hands would've surely be strange to anyone - a device that looked a bit like a compass, but it possessed three circles with three pointers. She seemed to be pleased with it, because of the barely seen smile she had on her face.

" Time for a tea! " She concluded and bit her lip. " I have a Department to heal."

" I am totally not doing this ever again! " Grell rushed in Undertaker's room extremely angry. " I am not staying there another night."

He folded his hands and waited.

" No, I am _not_ sorry I woke you up. You deserve it."

" Grell... " The Undertaker sat up still sleepy on his bed. His eyes were yet warm and soft. He didn't even notice how red Grell's face turned by one slight body movement like brushing hair backwards, because it was obstructing his eyes. Now that he could see, The Undertaker blinked slowly and finally focused on his colleague.

" Are you alright? " He asked absently, wrapping himself in his dark clothing.

" YES I am. Why wouldn't I be? " Grell murmured and started playing with his hair, still blushed.

" What were you saying?"

" Nothing. How can you stand every damn freezing night there and follow every snowflake for misbehaving against Ravenna? Isn't there a way to convince her to sleep here in the Department... you don't have to be the bodyguard of the millennium."

" You wanted to help... and I told you... Good God! " The Undertaker rest his forehead in right hand.

" Headache? Yes, we all have it today. Ravenna said something about disturbances and magnetic storms, does it matter... She cured most of us though.

" How is she? " The Undertaker looked at him as if he forgot about the pain for a second.

" After a whole night of crying, wrapped up in her sheets? Marvelously."

" Thank you... for watching over her... really. " Undertaker sighed with difficulty. He stood up slowly, leaning on the wall and Grell started laughing.

" Let's see how long you'll be able to take it. I couldn't even stand on my feet. It's quite strange how she visited almost everyone but you."

" Maybe she's keeping the best for the end. " Ronald Knox entered the room cheerful.

" Or maybe she hates him so much that she wants him to suffer the most. " Grell said quietly and Ronald laughed.

Someone knocked on the door, but his colleagues kept talking to each other and laughing like nothing happened. Undertaker held his head, his raising anger was increasing the dull, pulsing pain.

He crossed the room irritated that no one seemed to care about it, nevertheless the other two in the room were acting like children.

" If you came to gloat over- " He opened the door harshly and became silent.

" I wouldn't dare..." Ravenna looked up to him and smiled lightly. She held a cup with warm tea in her hands.

" What's the mesmerized look for? A ghost? " Grell's voice pierced the short silence.

" Or William Spears with a corset? " Ronald asked loudly and they both laughed.

Undertaker turned to them with a dead glare that usually worked. But when that didn't stop them, he really started imagining how to shred them in tiny pieces. He didn't know what were his eyes showing in that moment, but everything suddenly disappeared.

" Here. " Ravenna's silky voice dispersed his dreadful thoughts like a light summer rain over a forest fire. " Your headache should pass soon after you drink it."

He couldn't help but divert his attention to her again and take the cup of tea from her hands.

" Thank you. Come in. " He avoided her eyes and let her in the room, closing the door behind her.

" Oh, the mysterious cure comes! " Grell exclaimed. " Our fairy didn't tell us what's in this tea."

" I'm almost sure it's stardust. Whatever it is, we're so dead without Ravenna. " Ronald drew a general conclusion.

Ravenna secretly made them a sign to be quiet with a begging expression, which had a better effect than Undertaker's anger.

" Is everything ok with you? Any side effects? Shivers? Anything?"

" Nope. We're perfect. " Ronald put his hands in the pockets of his dark green pants and shrugged. " I think we should worry about him. He might be a little dangerous at the moment. You better stay away."

" I'm still... here, you know. " Undertaker sighed.

" Why are you all talking about him like he's a mindless monster? " Ravenna laughed, secretly cursing herself for calling him that way once, not long ago. " I am convinced that if he wanted to hurt anyone in the room, we'd be dead long ago."

Two pairs of eyes fixed on her in a complete silence. She could feel Undertaker's eyes on her back too.

" Yeeah... right. Uhm... I have work to do, William is probably going to kill me again... Plus I have presents to buy. Soo, see you later people. " Ronald bit his lip and started leaving, grabbing Grell's coat and dragging him to the door.

" Bye! " Grell couldn't be more fake as he smiled to Ravenna and sent a murderous glare at Undertaker.

The door closed and Ravenna laughed again.

" These two are killing me. " She turned around only to face Undertaker's relieved expression.

" You are finally laughing."

Ravenna opened her mouth, but closed it again, finding herself at a loss of words.

" You say it like you've found the meaning of life. " Ravenna finally stated, smiling to him suspiciously. She sat on the bed beside him.

" I might've. " He smiled to the cup of tea in his hands, pretending not to notice Ravenna's silent astonishment.

" And I see you smiling for the first time. " Ravenna stroke back.

" Well, I feel safe to smile once I heard you laughing. " He closed his eyes. " Though your laugh still holds pain."

Ravenna didn't know what to say. She wasn't fully aware of his deep empathy to her until now. With every conversation with him she was surprised more and more.

" What was that speech of justice a minute ago? " The Undertaker asked, turning to her and escaping from the awkward silence.

" They have no right to treat you or anyone like that."

" There is no other way of communicating with me. " He chuckled quietly, but Ravenna could easily read his bitterness.

" Well, apparently there is. I am talking to you like a normal person. " She couldn't agree.

" Tell me, are you not frightened of me? " He met her navy blue eyes.

" No. " She shrugged.

" And you don't feel the urge to run away or anything?"

" No, I feel completely safe with you."

" You are insane."

" Maybe I'm just on your level of normality."

" Yeah, you're probably right. I never knew someone as weird as me. Looks like I've finally found you. " He smiled.

Ravenna laughed.

" So! You better get well soon, because we'll be having a Christmas party soon. Plus, we have a birthday to celebrate. Tomorrow."

" Whose birthday?"

" Well... Kiara Flair's. And mine. At the same time. " She bit her lip.

" You don't seem very happy about it. " He continued her thought. She was amazed how easily they could read each other's thoughts.

" I don't like celebrating my birthday. Absolutely useless. What... after a millennium I'll forget how old I am. If I have to celebrate it every year, I'll go mad! " She admit and they both laughed.

" How can I help then? For the birthday."

" Don't go anywhere. There are scores of shinigami who can do all the soul reaping tomorrow. She'd be happy to see you there. Huge fan. " Ravenna smiled to the thought of The Undertaker on Kiara's birthday .

" Ravenna, can I ask something of you?"

" Yes. Anything."

" Would you live here in the Department for a while?"

" But... I am spending the whole day here. I'm practically here all the time."

" And what about the night? It's the most dangerous time for you to be alone. " Undertaker's eyes ignored hers, suddenly realizing the ambiguity of his words. " I'm sorry... this sounds weird. I just don't think you're safe from my father and his wicked plans. And... you're so far away from... here. You're too defenseless. " He stopped.

Ravenna tried not to laugh.

" I understand." She replied slowly. " Your wish can be done. If that would calm you down."

" Thank you so much."

" Ok, then. I should be going. " Ravenna got up and walked to the door. " Oh, and one more thing.

" Yes?"

" Presents are forbidden. I _hate_ presents. No presents for me, are we clear? " Her intonation was grave serious.

" Alright. " He said slowly.

" You're lying and if I see a single present I'll personally murder you. " She promised and slammed the door.


	27. Emptiness

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXVII.

" I don't think I've seen this here before. " Kiara screwed her eyes, scanning the black grand piano on the right side of the lobby, where usually nothing took place.

" Someone must've brought it yesterday. " Ravenna commented absently. " For the party... Can you play the piano?"

" Yes, I can. " Kiara declared festively. " I promise to play tonight. And you? Can you play?"

" I... " Ravenna didn't seem to listen to the conversation at all.

" What are you thinking about, Raven? " Kiara asked extremely exited, with another white star in her hand - a decoration for the spacious lobby where she chose to be the party for her and Ravenna's birthday. Ravenna voluntarily helped Kiara to beautify the cold, lonely marble into a place for exultation.

It was 19th of December and the snow was covering the city quietly. It was a promising start of the special day. Kiara stole a glance to Ravenna, who was decorating the table with candles. " You seem worried about something.

" I... invited a friend of mine... and I'm not sure that was a good idea."

" A friend like a "friend"? " Kiara asked curiously, emphasizing the last word.

" No, no. It's a girl. A human girl.

" What? A human girl here? " The enormous space was making Kiara's voice to slightly echo.

" She won't be any trouble. " Ravenna said like she was convincing herself. " She loves shinigami and she's really shy."

" You mean "scared"? " Kiara's intonation was so harsh that made Ravenna turn to her.

" Is there a problem with that? " Ravenna asked her directly.

" No, not at all. " Kiara answered barely concealing an irritation.

Ravenna felt offended by her behavior, but continued decorating the long white table with the tiny red candles. She really wanted to invite Mary to her own birthday and she did it, praying that it's not one of her many mistakes.

The lobby was perfect. It was loud and joyful, just the way it was supposed to be. That's what Ravenna thought of when entering the shining lobby hours later, with her long-sleeved dress of dark violet chiffon. The outer corset was in black and had a tiny bow on its upper part. It was a simple dress, but it was fitting really nice with her hair's color.

" You look fantastic! " Kiara and her brother behind her were the first to speak to her. Ravenna noticed that Glacis brought out two small black boxes out of his suit. Kiara wouldn't have stopped with the compliments if it wasn't her brother to cough in order to draw the attention.

" Happy birthday to our girls! " He said finally and smiled, completely absorbed by Ravenna and missed to even look at his sister. He gave them the boxes he held and waited for them to open the presents. First was his sister to thank him loudly with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

" I love them, brother. " Kiara was watching joyful at the golden earrings in her hand.

" Won't you open yours, Ravenna? " Glacis asked carefully, looking on her, as she watched the box in her hands without moving.

" Thank you very much, Glacis. I really appreciate that, but... I warned everyone not to give me any presents. " She said seriously, but as calm as possible, hoping that he won't be offended. " I can't accept it.

" What if I give it to you as a Christmas present? Christmas is coming in a week. Please, open it. For me. " He didn't give up.

Ravenna decided that it won't hurt her to open it. It was a necklace of white gold, encrusted with a small sapphire.

" It's so beautiful, Glacis. Thank you! " She smiled to him gratefully, worried for the symbolism of this kind of a gift.

" May I? " He offered to put it on her and after long negotiations she accepted. She raised her hair, meeting Kiara's happy expression.

" Stunning. " Kiara concluded.

" Absolutely gorgeous. " Glacis stepped back in front of Ravenna, this time closer to her, piercing her with his icy-blue eyes.

But instead of flattered Ravenna felt extremely uncomfortable by his close presence. He was absorbing her every move and she was sure that if she wanted him to jump off the roof, he'd do it without questioning.

She didn't want attention, she wanted understanding. Glacis was making court to her for a long time, ever since they met, absolutely blind for her simple wishes. With his empty, probably grounded only on her beauty, attention, for he didn't know anything about her, nothing about her family, about her feelings, things that were making her happy, nothing, she was feeling like an exhibit in a museum, that was valued only because of its outer appearance.

She never told him that his conduct wasn't charming her, it was just the opposite, it was getting unbearable.

" I'll go for a drink. " She stepped backwards and waited for him to understand that she didn't want to be bothered. After a few seconds of watching her, he finally left her presence in silence. Once he wasn't next to her, she went to the table and removed the necklace from her neck, placing it back in the box.

She looked around and saw her friend in the company of a couple shinigami that were surrounding her. Gladly, Ronald showed up and dragged her away from his colleagues. If she wasn't angry, she'd surely laugh on Mary's blushed face. She was grateful to Ronald and his rescue mission.

It was funny that her first thought when anger filled her mind was Undertaker. Her eyes instinctively searched for him, but he wasn't there.

" He's in love with you. " Kiara had come, watching her intently.

" I can tell. " Ravenna sighed.

" Well?"

" Kiara, what do you want from me? " Ravenna turned to her, leaning on the table.

" What are you doing, why do you refuse... everything about him? " Kiara ignored her eyes, frowning upon Ravenna's bare neck.

" Are you accusing me in something?"

" He loves you and you don't seem to care about it."

" I don't seem to care? Look, Kiara. Don't judge anyone for their actions, especially when you don't understand the situation."

" I understand it perfectly!"

" You're not me. You won't ever understand it. " Ravenna whispered.

" I thought I was the child here! " Kiara retorted angrily.

" Kiara, love is a two-sided battle. Loving someone doesn't mean to give the person presents and to flatter him. It means self-sacrifice, it means understanding, forgiveness, trust and faith. Building up a relationship that you fight every single day to keep together with a person, whom you can give away your life.

"Do you understand me? Your brother loves only the idea of me. He thinks I'm a being created out of virtues. I have so many flaws and sins that he would never accept. _If_ he truly wants to know me."

" Why it has to be all about you? He also has problems, he gives you all this attention and you just give it away like he's not worth even looking? Do you think he feels great when he sees the denial in your eyes? Isn't it selfishly of your side to reject his efforts like that and to leave him suffering for a God knows what time because of you?"

" I realize his endurance, Kiara. I do and I'm so sorry. I truly am. " Ravenna swallowed, feeling that tears were threatening to ruin her long held composure. " Please, you have to understand. I'm still trying to learn... how to live without the people I loved and I don't feel... ready for such thing."

" You have to get over it sometime." Came the irritated answer.

" It's not as easy as everyone thinks. " Ravenna whispered, the well-known feeling of something warm fondling her face fought over her intentions of staying strong on her birthday.

" You see? It's all about you again. I get it now. " Kiara took her glass with wine and mingled with the crowd.

" I didn't mean to... " Ravenna said to the air and suddenly felt so empty, like she didn't belong to all these fascinating people and their happiness. She left the box on the table and walked absently to the exit. She didn't care about anything at the moment.

Even Grell stopped her to ask her why does she have tears on her face, but she just ignored him, trying to take a breath.

She tried her best to breathe, once she found herself on the Department's entrance in the nipping coldness of London's snow embrace. She couldn't calm herself, the oxygen didn't seem to be enough for her as she leaned her back on the marble and covered her face with two hands, not being able to stand herself.

Being strong wasn't her best quality, she finally understood. It didn't hurt her that her family was dead so much as the shinigami's disregard of her, standing there alone in the cold, dark night trying to take all the pain on her own.

She accepted that death is an irreversible process long time ago in her mind, but her heart was aching and it could continue like that forever. That was what frightened her the most.

The crumpling sound of someone's steps on the snow disturbed her lament.

* * *

**I thought that RonaldxMary would be nice. ;3**

**P.S. I know everyone's tired of Ravenna's crying and stuff, but I think it's realistic. If I was the one who's lost a whole family at once, I wouldn't even stop crying. She's almost done crying, hold on a little longer. And also under "sins" I don't mean that she killed somebody. xd**

**Thanks for reading and hope you have a good day!**


	28. Sympathy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXVIII.

" Ravenna? " She heard a well-known soft timbre. " What are you doing outside? " Undertaker asked with a worried expression, while she tried to wipe her tears.

" What are _you_ doing outside? " Her voice was hollow, tears were still falling down her face, despite her efforts in erasing them. She dropped her hands, signing a defeat.

" I... don't like crowds. And big events. As you already know. " He looked intense at a point in the air as if he remembered something. " I was nearby, when I heard you... crying.

He brought out a white napkin out of the inner side of his robe and placed it into her hands. She bended her fingers around it silently and dried up her wet face.

" Thanks."

" That's not a present, you know, the napkin."

She smiled to him, understanding his attempt to cheer her up.

" I'm...I'm sorry. I probably look horrible. " She sighed with difficulty.

" People are beautiful when they cry, tears shows that they have something real under all the social masks and fake civilities. " He observed her reactions carefully.

" Why are you always talking like your words are thousand years old? " Her lips curved in a forced smile. " Do you rehearse your words before you talk to me?

" I mean it. " He replied slightly offended.

" You see, that's the problem. I'm a shinigami raised up like a human being. And I can't get used to everyone's emotionless responses and advices. I can't get over the pain of the broken attachment with people I love, like you all do. Death is just the next thing you see on the street, nothing special to you."

" Well, not to all of us. " He smiled. " I'll confess it, death is affecting me really deeply. You shouldn't worry about crying, I've done so much worse."

" I obviously don't belong to your community. Don't convince me otherwise."

" I can't agree with that. Have you forgotten that if it wasn't you I'd be dead?"

" That's..." She started.

" The truth. We need you here. " He stated and glanced at the entrance of the Department. " Aren't you going back inside?"

" Not really. " Ravenna looked down.

" What happened?"

" Nothing. Nobody is guilty for my ridiculous human reactions. " She whispered, fearing that tears would suffocate her. " It's just that... I'm so deeply... sad. I can't escape it. I am tired of playing happy. I am truly exhausted. Can't I just die and be done with it? " Her lips trembled, but she pressed them together, looking aside. She never knew she'd say it out loud and much less in front of someone.

" Don't say that. " He stepped closer to her, taking her cold hands in his. It was a slow movement, but purely intentional, which was the surprising part. " Don't say it."

Ravenna turned to him, touched by the sympathy in his voice.

" You are too kind. " She managed to smile, but now that he was standing closer, secretly a strange feeling rose inside her. A blink of doubt shone in her mind. It was like a little attention red light that reminded her to not let anything distract her and cloud her logic.

What if he wasn't what he was pretending to be? What if he was another one of these ruthless dissemblers that were going to use her for their benefit? She desperately wanted to trust him, but the truth was that she barely knew him.

And what she learned from the world was to never trust anyone. She didn't let him know she was doubting him in any way though. " I can't believe you still haven't run away from this drivel of mine."

" I won't do that. " He assured her with an inscrutably calming intonation. If he was lying, she had never seen a more convincing liar in her life. After a short pause, he chuckled quietly. " In fact you take it better than I did."

She met his eyes. He never talked about his family. Was this one of his tricks or he was honest?

" Really? " Ravenna asked slowly, distracted by the small distance between them. And she couldn't help but compare this feeling to when standing in front of Glacis. The difference wasn't surprising her. Although it was as intrusive as Glacis' , Undertaker's presence has always been so captivating for her.

Glacis' has never been that profound and strangely enchanting. There was something exciting about The Undertaker, he was unpredictable in contrast to Glacis' unvaried flattering. She wasn't sure if that was good or not.

While the others were frightened, she was drawn by Undertaker's mysterious aura. She realized the simple truth that she felt him like a consolation and not like someone that she was scared of. And the common sense was telling her that he was dangerous.

Not just dangerous, but the most dangerous. The feeling of his presence was like being close to an electrified wire that was keeping you away, but still sharpening your attention to the maximum.

At the same time they could simply be silent for a while and it wouldn't be uncomfortable at all. She could feel his compassion through the way he was holding her hands, gently, but still slightly possessive, that wasn't really worrying her, but it wasn't calming her either.

She had never seen him to actually want a physical contact with anyone and the fact that it was him that took her hands meant a lot to her. He was there when her world fell apart, for the second time. And whatever his motives were she knew that wasn't a coincidence.

" Can't we just talk here? I don't want to go back in. " A shiver through her body betrayed her and he smiled to her in a way that was clear enough to tell her that this wasn't going to happen.

" It's really cold. If you want to hear my story, you'll have to go inside. " He offered a deal. " Of course, if you don't think that walking in with me would destroy your reputation."

" I'm going with you or I'm not going at all. " She looked at him daring. " I stopped caring about my reputation in the day I found myself in your room at 4am. Remember that? I also have a short story to tell. About that day."

He laughed.

" Alright then. " He lowered his eyes to their locked one in another hands and tried to let go, but Ravenna didn't let him.

" Please, don't. " She begged him. If she was going to test his words, she had to follow his moves from very close.

" If that would calm you down. " He quoted her own words.

She was going to observe him really carefully, despite her anticipation that he was so reticent that an eternity wouldn't be enough for her to reveal all of his secrets. And that really made her think if she really wanted to know them.

Ravenna didn't let go off his hand as she dragged him to the entrance.


	29. Gift

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXIX.

An awkward silence fell once Ravenna and The Undertaker entered the hall. At least hundred pairs of eyes fixed on them. Ravenna coughed and put a bright smile on her face, although she was emotionally exhausted.

But, it seemed like Undertaker wasn't that prepared for the social game that Ravenna had practiced all her life. His hand slightly tightened around hers.

" Where did all your confidence go? " She whispered to him and smirked triumphantly, absorbing the waves of wonder that were flowing from all the shinigami that were watching them.

" I...uhm... " Undertaker swallowed. His mind silently ached from all the attention.

" So that's your weak spot. I finally found it. " Ravenna chuckled on him, standing there pale and still, the legendary shinigami, afraid of a little crowd. She wanted to tease him a bit. " It really doesn't suit you.

" You are right. It doesn't. " He remained serious and pulled her forwards, searching for someone. Ravenna followed him, kind of proud, he was fighting his inconvenience. Although he probably wasn't aware of it, she was glad to be the one that he was holding tight.

Everybody stepped away, allowing them to cross the lobby. There was a whisper, reaching their ears, but they didn't react to it. Undertaker finally stopped before Kiara.

" Kiara, could you play for us, on the piano? Something slow, please. " He asked her politely.

She looked at him so mesmerized that he called her name once more.

" Goodness! Is the piano from you? " She exclaimed so loudly that everyone grew quieter than usual.

" Yes, it's my present for you. Happy birthday! " He smiled to her.

" Oh my God! Oh my God! " Kiara covered her mouth in excitement, her face was extremely red. " Thank you very much! I love you. I love you so much. I mean... You're great!"

Everybody in the lobby laughed on Kiara's babbling. She went to the piano and began a slow waltz.

" I promise, I won't drink alcohol and ruin your night. It's your birthday after all. " Undertaker led Ravenna to the empty space next to the grand piano. All the shinigami that were watching them for a couple of minutes seemed to calm down as many of them started dancing along.

Not long after that Ravenna heard the loud coughing of Grell. He approached them, to put it mildly, slightly cross. She knew the reason of his intrusion and really wondered why did he care so much for her.

" IS HE THE REASON WHY YOU WERE CRYING? " Grell said out loud and a sigh left Ravenna's lips. Grell never believed that Undertaker wasn't that fatally senseless, tactless or scary as everyone thought he was.

The latter, on the other side, didn't seem to be surprised by Grell's behavior. He let go off Ravenna.

" He is the reason I'm _not_ crying. Would you excuse us and save us from your presence this once? " Ravenna's intonation was pure and sharp, like a diamond. Although she was grave serious, Undertaker laughed.

" You, shut up. " Ravenna looked at him. " You're the one that allows everyone to treat you like that."

" You scoundrel, you managed to damage this fine lady, didn't you? " Grell lisped, not even a bit moved by Ravenna's cold tone.

" It must be my... " The Undertaker smoothened his silver hair backwards. " irresistible charm."

Grell didn't even blink, staying still and angry. For a second Ravenna wondered how exactly he was opposing Undertaker's breathtaking beauty, she was sure that her face blushed a bit. She had always wondered why humans perceive shinigami in a strangely reversed way.

Shinigami were a symbol of death and sorrow, they were creatures that were bringing fear in the few living people that had seen them. If an ordinary human was observing the scene, he really would be absolutely terrified.

Grell was extremely scary with his bloody clothes and menacing, sparkling look, his scarlet hair sharpening even more his green eyes, burning with defiant fire.

His eyes, Ravenna chuckled in her thoughts, in which his emotions are always so easily read. The disapproval was pouring from his puffed up pose.

On the other side was The Undertaker. His appearance was built on opposites. He was provoking two different types of feelings when standing beside him. He had confusingly faultless senses and the highest possible sensibility as Ravenna already understood.

His flawless, angelic features were complementing with a pale, lurid scar. And it wasn't the only one. His looks were bringing out so many questions. Was the high collar of his robe and the slightly longer that usual sleeves intentional, in order to hide the other marks on his body that were involuntary imposing and drawing the attention?

And mostly, scaring everyone around. Ravenna didn't know how did he got them, but as a medical thinking mind she shuddered by the thought of the amount of pain that was needed to firstly get them on your skin and secondly sew them up.

She was happy to realize that maybe that was the reason he didn't scare her from the very beginning. It wasn't his mysterious intentions or his ominous demeanour that she thought of when she saw him for the first time, but the broken perfection of his countenance and as she was starting to understand, his spirit.

Nothing and no one could read his moods. His voice was so soft and calm, countless years were whispering their memories and reflecting them in his eyes, capturing the eternity " the probable reason of why they were sunk in a constant deep, unearthly sadness.

But his lively character, another opposite of his tranquil way of speaking, was scattering that impression and was bringing him the portrait of a person who knows the way of your thinking just when he looks at you, like a poker player that you are completely sure of having a royal flush in his hands and you are already defeated before you even start playing.

Yet Ravenna found them both extremely beautiful. She could compare them with Greek gods if she wasn't sure that the latter were pale before the shinigami, standing in her presence.

" This won't work on me anymore, you know. " Grell said decisively.

" You sure? " Undertaker slid his ring"finger down his collar, tearing up the first stud on his robe. " No?

Ravenna followed Grell's reaction with great amusement. She forced herself not to laugh. He swallowed, but shook his head.

" Well, well. What a self"control..." The Undertaker admit and sighed. " What about... " Then, he did something that Ravenna didn't really expect. He removed the grey"black mantle that he was carrying over his robe and threw it on her light violet dress.

He folded the matter until it wasn't obstructing her free movements, although she just stood without moving. The only thing that she was doing was looking him. It was true that the air was too cold for her to be only with her dress.

It was also true that his mantle was warm, it had a strangely confusing scent, a mixture of ashes and vanilla. It was so... him. He finished, but didn't move away from her, finally able to concentrate on her eyes.

" Black and violet are gorgeous together. " Grell coughed and said slightly ambiguous.

Ravenna and The Undertaker turned to him simultaneously.

" Thank you! " Grell continued, using their stillness. " That was what I wanted to see. Have a nice dancing. Goodbye!

He turned around and left them.

They both silently continued dancing, this time Ravenna was watching him and he was somewhere deep in his thoughts, not paying attention to anything. They danced like that for a minute when suddenly Ravenna met Glacis' eyes, he was scanning her from head to toe with an empty gaze that was kind of frightening and she turned her head instantly on the other side.

" Is he bothering you? " Her move didn't go unnoticed.

" He thinks he's in love with me. " Ravenna sighed with difficulty. " And he has no idea of me."

" Are you in love with him? " Undertaker continued on the same tone. Ravenna looked up to him.

" No. But I don't know how to tell it to him. I don't want to hurt him."

" You're already hurting him. You're dancing with me. And you're wearing my mantle."

" I know, I know. " She said guilty.

" You can ignore him completely, focusing on the fact that I am hundred times better. " Undertaker's eyes were watching something intently behind Ravenna.

She laughed.

" That's cruel. Stop it. You were going to tell me..."

" Yes. So and you. Ladies first. " He smiled to her and she sent him a disappointed look.

" Ok. I'm warning you, it's weird."

" Nothing can surprise me. " He assured her.

* * *

**Thank you for reading (and waiting for me to update for like an eternity everytime)!**

**Chapter 30 will be deep and sad like the ocean on a setting sun, consider yourself warned. ;3**


	30. Stories

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXX.

" It was really weird, you know. " Ravenna's eyes were following her friend Mary, that was constantly blushed, while talking to Ronald. They were dancing on the far side of the lobby, disturbed by no one.

Ronald was listening to her with all his attention, clearly enchanted by his partner. Ravenna turned back to The Undertaker.

" That night... when you almost died. I dreamt of running from something. I ended up in a place with dense, grey fog. It was quiet. " She stopped for a second, seeing his surprised look. She continued slowly." I was running forwards when I heard your voice. You were calling... for help."

" I was. " He pierced her with his eyes. " I saw you. In the grey fog."

" Wow. " Ravenna ignored him. " That's... interesting."

" I've never heard of shinigami dreaming the same dream at the same time before."

" Neither have I. It must be a powerful connection, to bind up two shinigami consciousnesses like that. " She was amazed by just the thought of it.

" So that's the reason you were in my room at 4am? " He smiled.

" Pretty much. " She agreed, biting her lip and making him laugh. " It's your turn."

" Yes. " He sighed. " Well. Long ago, when I was little..."

" How long ago? " Ravenna was trying not to laugh.

" Not telling that. " He shook his head.

" Sorry, I'll keep quiet. " He clearly wasn't going to tell her how old he is and she gave up.

" My family was an ordinary shinigami family. We were three children" I was the first-born, I had twins, two brothers. Ashland and Time."

" Beautiful names. " Ravenna noticed.

" Yes. Shinigami always name their children with strange names. " Undertaker smiled. Ravenna wondered what's his name, but remained silent.

" My mother was an extremely beautiful and calm woman. And my father was furiously obsessed with death. He loved his job more than his family actually. I remember the last days, he didn't talk at all. He sometimes was murmuring something like "_Green, green, green everywhere._"

"I still don't know what he meant by that, but I knew something wasn't right. So. One night, he just got back from his Department extremely angry. He screamed that he couldn't stand it anymore "_I am sick of you, all of you_" were his exact words. My mother tried to speak to him, but he was out of his mind."

"Then... he turned off the lights. I was sneaking from the kitchen's door, until that moment. It was too dark without lights, I couldn't see anything. And then I heard mother's voice, it was hysterical, I had never heard her so frightened."

"She asked his husband what is he doing. I remember her begging to be killed after that, for no other reason than to replace her children. She tried to make a deal with him, fighting his madness with her usual evasiveness. She never screamed, until her death. I... heard the specific sound of a skin cutting."

He remained silent for a second.

" Should I... stop? It's not something that you would want to hear now."

_"_ Please, continue. " She whispered.

" My... father shouted that he couldn't watch us suffer anymore and he wanted to "help us get out of the misery". He kept repeating that even when I met him that day, when I met you. I... couldn't save my brothers."

She was sure that if she wasn't that close to him, she'd never recognize that painfully familiar wrench and guilt, wrapped up in loneliness and suffocating helplessness. A shattered sigh came out of him, but he recovered quickly.

"So. I managed to escape, he promised me that he'll find me and I can't escape him." He laughed bitterly and his eyes expressed his ultimate disgust. "At least that turned out true."

Ravenna saw the wrath that was breaking through that calm shell of his.

" I don't think you should feel guilty about it."

" Dear, that's not the end of the story. " His tone was cutting.

Ravenna remained silent, thinking of a way to calm the fire, burning in him.

" I was hiding in different places, through different ways. Hell, I'm such a great actor, I can be whatever you want me to be. " He couldn't hide his irritation. " I couldn't stand how good could I... hide what I feel with covering my eyes and laughing on everything. You'll die of laughter if you keep pretending everything's fine in your life. You are in that faze."

" I am tired of playing happy and only two months had past. " Ravenna commented, voiceless. Her eyes went blurry.

" Well, I did that a little bit longer. Until I... got insane. Death was haunting me too long and when I finally gave up on fighting it, I realized I want it. So badly."

Ravenna suddenly felt her pain so insignificant in a contrast to his.

" I craved to die, death was all I wanted."

" Are these... " Ravenna was looking at his hand, the stitch wrapping his fourth finger.

He smiled faintly.

" So keen. Yes, these are my work of art. Eventually, not belonging to any Department, I couldn't find a death-scythe to actually end my life."

" And thank God. " Ravenna's voice trembled.

" These times passed and I grew angrier and angrier, because I despised what death was causing to people. I desperately wanted to stop all this pain. On that time I was already collecting souls here, in the London Department."

"Yeah, I know. I already had a death"scythe, but things changed, there were another thoughts poisoning my mind then. Years after that William and the rest of the shinigami came. I started investigating and researching, I... used dead bodies, trying to continue their lives in hundreds of ways."

"I tried to prolong life records after their ending. It was all hopeless. That's ...unforgivable and I realized it too late. You must think of me as a lunatic. Everybody else did. They threw me out of the Department and I don't blame them. " He made a pause. " I was so lost in this madness that it became psychotic."

He sighed.

" One day I woke up in a coffin, my hands were all in someone else's blood. And then I realized two things. First, my obsession with death was so similar to my father's, that made me stop it, completely. I wanted to be like anyone else, but my father. And second, I wasn't God and I had no power that was going to bring eternal life, despite all my efforts."

Ravenna was speechless. She remembered the Bizarre Dolls Grell was talking about. This time she didn't regret the tears that were silently falling down her cheeks.

" Now, you have the idea of whose life you saved. You understand why I wanted to die. But you saved me and things got complicated again. Anyway you are involved in the insanity of my family. " He swallowed and continued, whispering.

"I'm so sorry you had to lose everything you love because of it. I have no right to live, to talk or breathe in your presence. Yet you... you were broken. And I knew what you feel. I knew this is not something you should keep for yourself and cry over it every night, engraving it on your heart and stain your mind with it. What an irony though. Me, trying to help you ended up with you helping me. " He smiled, concluding his bitter remorse. "I'm helpless, am I not?"

" You are. " Ravenna wanted to smile, but she couldn't. "You are so lost without me."

Ravenna appreciated his honesty. It was the best birthday present for her. She was deeply moved, being the one that he just shared the story of his life. It was making her feel truly important.

But the most important was that he was telling the truth. The bare truth, actually pretty close to her and her life. And that meant that he was the only one that knows how she feels. She was incredibly grateful that she knew him at this very moment.

She sighed and leaned slowly on him. His breathing went slightly shallower.

" Are you alright? " She couldn't see his expression, but his voice sounded unusually even for the situation.

" Thank you. For sharing that. " She was emotional for both of them though and that somehow didn't worry her, because she was happy. She was sad, but happy at the same time. "I am not the one to judge you for your actions in the past. I can only be grateful for meeting you. I didn't believe that someone could ever understand me. I'm not all alone now."

" No, thank you. You have no idea what is it to keep that in secret for so many years. You are the first one to ever know anything about me. I feel so much better."

" I'm glad. " Ravenna smiled and used her sleeve to dry up her tears. " Sorry. Can't stop them anyway."

" You know, crying is not a crime. " He reminded her. "You shouldn't worry about it at all."

* * *

The waltz ended and they all applauded Kiara for her incredible playing. After that most of the shinigami gathered together, in order to share the dinner. Although Undertaker's life wasn't something that she was going to forget easily, Ravenna found herself sitting on the table, finally able to talk with Mary and others about trivial things and not worrying herself with dark thoughts and painful memories.

A glass ringing suspended the chaos of voices in the room.

" I want to make a toast. " Ravenna saw Glacis, standing with a glass of wine and felt her stomach shrinking with uneasiness.

" I want to congratulate our girls for being born and for giving us the opportunity to know them. First to my dearest Kiara, I love you, you'll always be my perfect little sister. And second, to Ravenna, our treasure, enlightening this cold place with her divinity. " He turned to her.

" It may sound a bit personal for a toast, but I truly want to be a part of your heaven."

" I also want to make a toast. " The Undertaker stood up, literally seconds after Glacis sat back on his chair. Ravenna shared a look with Mary next to her. It was clearly a struggle for Undertaker to talk in front of so many people and if Ravenna didn't know how hard it must be for him, she would've burst in laughing.

"If it doesn't bore you to death of course... there is a Christmas closing sale of coffins at my shop, you're welcome."

Laughing echoed throughout the lobby.

"As for the reason why we're gathered here... " He turned to Kiara. " I wish you best of luck, Kiara, be patient and grateful for everything that you are and have around you. Because I made the mistake of not doing that, on your age. " He smiled to her. " I am not a role model, dear. I am the example of what you shouldn't be."

Kiara nodded and smiled back to him. His eyes met Ravenna's and he sighed as if her smile was that calmness of finally reaching home after a long way of difficulties. She was like a flame that was hypnotizing him.

Grell coughed at the other side of the table and drew him out of his reverie.

" Sorry. I... forgot my words for a second."

" It must be Ravenna's divine powers. " Ronald whispered, but everyone heard it anyway and laughed again. On the other side, she lowered her eyes to the glass in her hands thoughtfully.

" Yes. " He smiled. " I have a proof that Ravenna is an actual angel amongst us. She bravely fought her loss, without even asking for help." Ravenna looked up again.

"She... showed herself out of nowhere, chose to save my life, although I didn't deserve it at all. And then decided to show mercy and live with our madness, help us, the mentally deranged freaks. " There was a grave silence, although he expected at least disapproval.

" True... " Ravenna raised an eyebrow, because this time the voice was William's. Agreeing voices followed him.

"With all my respect, Raven. " Undertaker continued seriously. " Where have you been all my life?"

Everyone cheered happily and Ravenna blushed. He called her that way for the first time. She looked around and laughed, feeling so happy, like she was celebrating with her own family once again.

She glanced at Undertaker, he hadn't stopped looking at her, and lip read "happy birthday", whereat she raised her glass with a silent "thank you".

* * *

**I honestly pray that's not what happened to Undertaker, but it would be that for him in my story. I wonder what do you think of it...**

**P.S. Poor Glacis, he's trying so hard.**


	31. Attached

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXI.

Ravenna put on her dark blue dress and tied the tiny strap of her hat. The sound of the wind outside reminded her that it was December. She wrapped her violet scarf around her neck and looked herself in the mirror. Deciding that her appearance was good enough, she grabbed the wicker basket from her bed and left her room.

She made her way through the corridors and finally found herself in front of the door to the lobby. But stepping in, she froze.

Ravenna held her breath, not wanting to disturb the resounding sadness of tones, flowing together with mathematically calculated perfection. Undertaker's playing was so beautiful that she didn't want him to ever stop.

She closed the door as quiet as she could and approached him slowly and silently, admiring his trance-like state. She might've moved closer than she wanted, because he wrested out of his reverie and suddenly returned to Ravenna's dimension.

" Opus. 28 №4. Prelude in E-minor. " She left her basket on the marble floor and sat beside The Undertaker.

" Yes."

" I love Chopin so much. " She smiled and her eyes passed over the white and black keys and stopped on the emerald orbs, already fixed on her.

" So do I. His music is so calming. " The Undertaker noticed her basket. " You're going out?"

" Oh, yes. I was planning a visit to my uncle and my aunt from a long time. " Ravenna shrugged. " They seem very worried for my condition."

" Do they know where you're living lately? " He asked carefully.

Ravenna chuckled and stood up, grabbing her basket.

" Yes, that's why they are making a fuss about it. I told them that I feel safe here, but they clearly don't trust a piece of paper. So... I'll be going now."

She made a few steps to the exit.

" In fact...do you want to" She turned around only to shudder by the close presence of Undertaker.

" Come? Yes. Most certainly. " He took the basket from her hands, using the wonder written on her face. " Give me that. It's heavy for you."

" Y-yeah. Right. Ok. " Ravenna was praying that the flames raising inside her weren't as blazing as she felt them beneath her skin. She'd never felt such purely feminine, strong emotions that were clouding her thoughts. Realizing that his beauty was breathtaking, she tried to restore her dignity. " Let's go then."

Her tone was tart, but he didn't move. His eyes bothered her. She had seen that look " the way paupers were looking at the fresh bread through the glass of a bakery. There was strong tension in him, she could feel it. His lack of words was always increasing it still more.

" What's wrong? " Ravenna asked gently.

" Nothing. Nothing's wrong. " He slowly left the basket on the floor. " Just thought that your uncle would never let me in his house. You know, you're the only one that is feeling completely fine standing this close to me. I won't oppose him of course, but that means that you have to go without me, which I can't... allow."

Ravenna already knew this behavior. The faster he was talking, the deeper was the problem. Although she doubted the problem was her uncle. She knew when people were hiding something from her.

" Of course you'll come. And I will drag you in the house if I must. " She took his hand and looked at the door as if her mind was already traveling, away from the lobby. " Come on, it will be fun."

" God, you're so beautiful. " He suddenly sighed, making her turn back to him slowly.

" Do you mind telling me what's wrong? I can't watch you like that. " She hated evading the problem as much as the fake exchange of words. " Please."

" I... " He stepped towards her, his hand embracing her waist. Kissing her unleashed all the words he didn't say to her, begging her not to repulse his lips - the only way to explain fully the struggle in his mind. And her silent acceptance brought him unexplainable joy.

She wrapped her hands around his neck, her thoughts suddenly cleared. At least for one thing she was sure now. She needed him " her world was in his hands and everything depended on him. She was confused, because he was. Now that he showed he cared, she cared.

Mirroring him without knowing, his joy became hers and nothing was wrong in that brief moment.

He drew his lips from hers slowly and his eyes showed an emotion, close to the one belonging to an accused criminal before hearing his sentence.

" Do you understand now?"

" What is so wrong about that?"

" What is so wrong? " He snapped. " There is nothing right about it."

" But why? You can't afford to be attached? " She looked up to him.

" I tried to stop it and I couldn't. " He looked at her like it was her fault.

" I don't see the problem."

" Stop it! " He replied, his eyes were sparkling with anger. " You can't survive beside me! No one does."

" Well, I am attached to you. " She played her last trump-card. " What if I don't want to ever let go off your hand? What do you have to say about that?"

He tore himself from her arms in astonishment.

" No...no. Don't do this to me. " He stepped backwards, smiling to her. " That's not true and you know it."

He started circling around her.

" Lies. Stop lying to me. " His low voice had intimidating tinge.

" It is true. You'll have to accept it. " She said calmly, quite worried. Normally the range of shinigami's brain was so wide that it could vary from dead coldness and lack of emotions to... she couldn't even imagine what.

William, for example was the dead-coldness type and on the other side Grell - he is highly hysterical, so high that his emotions are too much to handle, his mind automatically refuses to act manly, he can't hide his feeling at all.

Shinigami brain is more complicated even than human's brain. Here comes the other problem. Shinigami also have exceptions and unexplainable cases. And one of them was standing in front of her. Oversensitive. Anything could happen to her.

She was fully aware that a little spark could ignite his anger. He could kill her, depending on what was the distortion in his structure of mind. He could lapse into rage, or grief, or anything else. She did not know anything about oversensitive shinigami, there was not much to know, because they were too rare.

One in thousands of years was born like that. Undertaker was a mystery and a wonder.

" Stop carving me with your words. " He continued aggrieved. " I can't say things as easily as you do."

" I don't think I will ever understand your way of thinking. But I need you with me. All I ask you to do now is to be with me. Will you join me? " She offered her hand, hoping that her words will soothe the atmosphere.

He stood there in grave silence, watching her like she was forbidden, a sacred piece he didn't know how to keep safe, because it was him that he had to keep away from it. But existing without her was unbearable even to think.

" I can't stay away from you. And that will cost you much. You should know that. " He whispered.

" I don't care. " She insisted, walking to him. " As long as you're with me."

" You can't appease me with that. " He shook his head.

Ravenna smiled and stood on tiptoe, kissing his forehead.

" How about that? " She chuckled on his terrified expression, doubting that someone ever had the courage to do that.

He sighed.

" Much better."

Raven took her basket and rushed to open the door to the outside.

" Coming?"

" I'll be right behind you. " He assured her, not in the least calmed.

* * *

**Aaand here I am after making you wait for an eternity. Again. I hope you'll forgive me. Somehow.**

**Thanks for reading, let me know what you think.**

**As always, have a nice day. Or night. Wherever on the planet you are.**


	32. Enchanting

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXII.

The weather was quite chilly and although light, the north wind was lashing mercilessly. The streets of London were all covered in snow, the reason why all the carriages were moving slowly and carefully.

Ravenna and The Undertaker had taken a carriage, which gave them the opportunity to speak freely and comment on the weather like all the other ordinary people were doing. Just because Ravenna found it extremely hard to continue their last conversation.

His short responses and the distant look of his eyes were telling her that his thoughts were somewhere else. So she just stopped talking, breaking the connection between them and they both sunk in their own minds, not disturbing each other.

The carriage finally stopped on a crossroads, right away from the city. There was only one white field and a bare sign of a road, dividing from the main path, leading to the city. The road in front of them was meandering into a small wood.

" We'll continue on foot. " Ravenna got out of the carriage and paid to the coachman.

" Do your relatives live far from here? " Undertaker gazed upon the small path through the white field and the wood not far from them.

" No, not quite. The house is hidden in the wood, that's why you can't see it. " Ravenna smiled. " I've always loved visiting my uncle and aunt. The place where they live is enchanting. Especially in the winter. So. " She took a breath and added determined: Let's walk."

The scenery was somehow beautiful with it's loneliness and silence. Nothing was disturbing the peaceful snowfall. Even the wind had grown quieter, admiring the pure, divine perfection that was spreading in front of their eyes.

Ravenna's spirit was surely unbreakable, but walking in the snow with a long dress tired her quicker than she thought. Undertaker noticed her state and walked to her, lifting her off the ground.

" This is ridiculous. " Ravenna laughed loudly. " Put me back down."

" We'll never reach your relatives in your tempo. " He stated evenly, clearly not bothered by her weight.

" Are you making fun of me? " Her intonation raised.

" Yes."

Ravenna smiled.

" You'll have to admit that you can't make progress with these... " He looked at her winter shoes.

" Yeah, and your high boots are saving the day. " She bit her lip with a defeatist look, making him smile.

Ravenna looked at him, observing his face in silence. She wanted to... experiment with something. Just to see the reaction.

" Will you stop being so romantic, I don't know how to act. " She stated, still looking at him.

" Romantic? " She suddenly found herself lying on the snow, feeling the coldness on her back. But it wasn't the coldness that made her hold her breath, it was Undertaker's fast and gracious way of moving.

Every gesture was so perfect that it was scary to even watch him. Bending over her, his hands had pinned her wrists and his knees were holding her dress down to the earth, offering her no escape. She didn't even blench though.

His breath was the only warm thing she felt. His silver hair was touching her reddened from the cold cheeks. She stared into him thoughtfully and that seemed to confuse him. The melancholic depths of his eyes were betraying the intimidating facade.

She wasn't sure if it was just her, but she was always strangely affected by the people she's with. Something like strong sense for the others' inner state. When someone close to her was angry or sad, she could tell and she wouldn't even need to ask the person about it.

She was completely sure, but not only that. It was almost always affecting her mood too.

When she thought about it, she could never tell exactly what she felt about The Undertaker. It was a compilation of things, but somehow all of them were provoking repulsion in the others.

It was like someone showing your deepest, hidden secrets to the whole world - it was unpleasant, sore. People hate facing the truth in the eyes and Undertaker's eyes were bearing just that same truth everyone was running from.

And peeking into his eyes now was such an extraordinary feeling, she felt immense sadness, in the fullest meaning of the word. It was incredibly lonely in there, like a dark room you lit up after not entering it for years. "_He's pretty dark inside_" echoed Grell's voice in her mind.

She had experienced it before, this feeling, but with... humans. But it was different with them, it was kind of cloudy, really muted. With shinigami things were always so... painfully clear and somehow sharp, excessive.

She saw through him and it almost hurt her. Her soul ached by the touch of his, devastated, burned, left only with its desolate base. Strangely it didn't repulse her, all she felt was desire to help, to free, to heal.

Despite his efforts, Ravenna could only read tenderness in his behavior. She didn't say anything, but he looked at her like she had said all her thoughts out loud through these seconds.

" Finally. " He said quietly. " I've waited for that look.

" Please, don't speak like that. " Ravenna whispered, realizing that her expression might've been something close to an almost crying person.

" You're never scared. I saw hatred, curiosity, compassion, understanding, even fondness. I saw everything but fear from you. Why are you not scared?"

" I don't know. " She replied slowly and chuckled. " I'm pretty confused when it comes to you as a whole. Maybe my aunt will tell me, she is such a store-house on the shinigami subject."

" Is she? I also have questions to ask her then. " He helped her to get up.

" The last time I had question to ask her I couldn't leave for three days. " Ravenna laughed.

* * *

After at least ten minutes walking they entered the wood. The evergreen trees carried a cloak of white and here and there a squirrel was scattering the snow in the branches, hurrying on its way. After one more turn, they found themselves in front of a house with a veranda.

It wasn't big, but it wasn't quite small either. The door was exquisite and decorated with a beautiful Christmas wreath. There was a single lantern from black iron, it was wrapping a tiny candle with its flame, bringing a mysterious aura to the whole place.

However a high wooden fence was surrounding the house and a separated place, which Undertaker assumed was a small garden. It was all covered in snow now.

The small round windows on the second floor and the smoke coming out of the chimney was finishing the post card"like scenery.

" I swear I feel like I've fallen in a fairy tale since I met you. " Undertaker stopped and admired for a second the view. It was too perfect and he wasn't sure he wanted to disturb it. As if everything was made of magic and he was going to ruin the magic with his presence.

" Come. " Ravenna was standing on the entrance, smiling to his reaction.

She turned around and knocked on the door. After a few seconds it opened and before Ravenna could say something, her uncle spoke.

" No."

" No? " She was confused. Once again... she could almost hear the sorrow that scratched her heart. Her uncle looked so much like her father.

" No, you don't have my blessing."

She bit her lip, she knew it'd be hard to get Undertaker into that house and her uncle wasn't going to stop her.

" Uncle, I'm not here to ask you for " She stopped, cut off by Undertaker's suppressed laugh. But meeting her eyes, he instantly became serious again.

" Uncle, could you move away from the door? Please? " Ravenna stepped to him.

" You can enter, but this thing stays outside. " He stated evenly.

Ravenna opened her mouth, but feeling as if somebody had slapped her, she didn't say a thing. She hoped that her eyes were showing the amount of disappointment she was feeling at the moment.

" It's alright. I can leave. " Undertaker said, seemingly not quite affected by her uncle's remark.

Ravenna kept gazing at her uncle.

" Really? " Her voice was slightly trembling. " Thank you... Both of you."

She pushed away her uncle and entered the house.

" Ravenna... " Called her uncle, half-turned. Undertaker watched after her in silence, afraid that saying something would ruin the situation entirely.

Ravenna's uncle fixed his light green eyes on him with anger.

" Give me one reason to let you in."

" I don't have one. I am only here, because she said she wants me to be with her."

" She's upset."

" Which is why I have to ask her for forgiveness. " Was Undertaker's silent response. " Sir."

The violet haired man watched him in silence for a few seconds. Undertaker could easily read his anger, his disapproval, even the slight fear in his eyes and that was absolutely normal, he thought.

" Gael Shone, nice to meet you. I will not forgive you if you hurt Ravenna in any way. " He offered his hand with a cold expression. " I have a death-scythe and I'm not afraid to use it."

" Thank you, sir. " Undertaker shook Gael's hand and they both entered the house.

The door behind him closed with a click and he felt the warmth of the air in the house. The warmth of a home.


	33. Home

**A/N: Hello! Yeah, I know. Three months. I had problems, lots of tears and no time so excuse my delay. Fiction is my salvation when it comes to real life. So here I am again. I keep my promise. I will end the story. Enjoy the next chapter.**

**To S-Lioness: Concerning Chapter 9 all I can tell you is that the murders are happening both in the human and the shinigami realm. There is a reason for that. We'll get there. Not yet.**

**Concerning the 'soul mates'… hmm not really. I was going to mention why the mental connection happened in the next chapter.**

**And concerning Grell, I believe he developed a big-brother-attachment to her. She is after all (almost) the only woman in the Department. He finally found someone to talk to. And that someone isn't avoiding him. However he is planning to make her dress something red. ;3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXIII.

The foyer, more like a corridor, was small and well-arranged. At first sight the wood was predominant – stairs to a second floor were almost the whole space. On the right wall were hanged up many small and large pictures and portraits; a small cupboard with a mirror was taking place under them.

Undertaker's eyes stopped on a family portrait in the middle of the wall and he walked closer to it. The woman had dark brown hair and deep, sapphire eyes, the man next to her had sharp, but regular features and violet hair. Their expressions were serious and that was imparting the kind of nobility that only the aristocrats had.

" She loved him very much. – Gael had silently moved behind his guest. " Her father meant the world to her.

That bloody serial-killer buried her along with her family. I could feel her pain through the letters she was sending to me. That's why I just won't let anything else hurt her, she's upset enough. – He made a pause and shifted his eyes to the Undertaker.

" You must mean something to her; she reacted as if I offended her, not you."

" I'm not really sure if this is good or bad." The Undertaker turned to the host.

Gael opened his hand in expectation of something. The Undertaker knew what he was waiting for right away, but stood still.

" I know you're armed, don't try to convince me you're not, because I am ready to kill you any second. My skills aren't worse than yours. Now give the weapon to me."

" Even here no one is completely safe. It's not really clever to leave me unarmed."

" My house – my rules." Gael didn't give up.

The Undertaker tried to see any peaceful solution that involved him not parting with his weapon, but couldn't. So he reconciled with the situation and pulled out the black-steeled dagger he carried on the back side of his right boot. He took the dagger from the department since he couldn't take his own death-scythe.

He somehow felt exposed without anything to defend himself with. He was never at peace and he was aware that is and always was a problem since he was armed even in the department. It didn't feel good to hand Gael his only weapon, but he reminded himself that he was there for Ravenna and Ravenna only.

" Thank you." Gael said, while placing the dagger on the cupboard next to him. "Well… I guess you can enter now. I can't wait to ask Ravenna what she meant by "I feel safe living here. I even like it." I receive quite interesting letters from her lately. Filled with strange sentences like these.

Undertaker met Gael's eyes, slightly worried by the latter's caustic tone and replied calmly:

" I would love to hear her answer."

They entered the living room. It was comparatively big, but still cozy. The thing that was drawing the attention was the huge fireplace lightening the room along with the small and by the look of it rather old chandelier.

Humble sofa and two armchairs were surrounding a small-table. An old piano was complementing the atmosphere on the other side of the room, in front of the big white-framed window.

" Milly, could you bring us some tea?" Gael asked his wife, a slightly rotund and usually joyful woman, who was sitting on the sofa next to her niece. They looked like they haven't said a single word to each other – Ravenna stared at the floor in silence and on the other hand her aunt was staring her in confusion.

Once the other two entered the room, a smile lit up Millennia's features and she stood up.

" Of course, my dear."

She struck her husband with an accusatory look, but discerning his foul mood, she hastened to take Ravenna's basket and leave the room without demanding immediate answers of her many questions.

Gael went to the fireplace and stirred up the fire.

The Undertaker slowly approached the sofa and sat silently next to Ravenna. Holding her hands in one another, she was barely moving.

" Ravenna?'' He begged her quietly, drawing Gael's attention like a magnet, making him observe the scene. "Are you still mad at me?"

She turned her head aside, rejecting him. But he did not give up and continued:

" I'm sorry."

Ravenna turned to him, for his great surprise, with a smile. He could clearly see how angry she was, but that wasn't preventing her to express her amusement as strong as her anger.

" Please, stop. You're incredibly bad at this." She sighed, curling herself on the sofa and leaning on him.

" Okay." He whispered in her hair with a smile.

" Uncle, aren't you going to sit?" Ravenna suddenly asked with a clear voice as if nothing ever happened. She had noticed his silent observation.

" Uhm…" Gael stuttered. "Please excuse me for a second. I have to go and help my wife with the tea.

He declared his words most politely and left the living room with quick steps.

" Don't say anything." Ravenna snapped right after her uncle closed the door.

" I think I frightened them very much." Undertaker shared his thoughts aloud, ignoring Ravenna's order. "Pretty sure your uncle is looking for his death-scythe now.

Ravenna faced him.

" That's not true. Everything will be fine. You'll see."

He looked at her, slightly pulling himself backwards. But she just used the space to come closer and observe his, as she was seeing it, comical inconvenience.

" Things are… " The closer she was the more he was realizing how badly he needed her. Fear rose in him; fear that he had felt very long time ago. The fear of losing. What was worse – to let himself love her and destroy her that way or to forbid his selfish desire for her and destroy himself? " Far from fine."

Becoming aware of the tension in him, she stopped her game and returned to her usual manner.

" Try not to worry, ok?"

" Right. " He agreed with her.

Ravenna understood that it wasn't the right moment for such intimacy now so she just leaned back on him and thought of the strange things that happened to her in the past months.

" By the way… do you remember that masquerade we went? With the strawberry punch?"

" Unfortunately, yes. Why?"

" I never said it." She laughed. " Thank you for saving me from the annoying Sir Winders that seemingly was going to make me slap him sooner or later."

" You're welcome." Undertaker smiled by the thought of Ravenna slapping someone.

* * *

" What the hell is going on here?!" Gael shouted, bursting in the kitchen.

Millennia turned to him quite worried.

" What's wrong? Is Ravenna alright?" She asked slowly. " The only thing I heard from her was a single "hello" and nothing more.

" How can you be so calm? Can't you see…? " Gael pointed at the door with an expression of helplessness.

" What?" Millennia asked, not even the least affected by her husband's wrath.

" Oh, I don't know, maybe the terrifying creature next to her that she seems to… admire."

Millennia poured the tea from tea-pot into the small porcelain cups and laughed loudly.

" Good God…" She almost sang. "Thank you… for creating women."

Gael folded his hands with annoyance.

" Another one of your nonsense statements.' Gael narrowed eyes. "What is it now? What does that mean…wife?"

" It means… " Millennia smirked and put some sugar in the four cups – that unlike most of the men, we are capable – not all of us know it but I'm an exception since I dedicated my life to shinigami " of loving someone with our hearts, not with our eyes… husband."

" If it was that way I already was going to be away from here and you were going to be all alone." Gael thought.

" We both know that you're not leaving only because your eternal love – the library – is too precious to be left." Millennia smiled to him warmly and raised the tray with the cups.

Gael didn't answer. After a few seconds of silence he added:

" You're wrong" He went to her and took the tray out of her hands. " I'm not leaving, because I'm one of the few, loving with their hearts."

" I know." Millennia chuckled. "Women always know when it's from the heart."

" I'm just… worried. She could write me about it. A single line would've been enough."

Millennia sighed.

" I'm sure she has a reason for not writing you about him. From the way she entered, I can tell that your first meeting didn't go quite well."

" I will act as harsh as I want to. It's my right to be cautious." Gael insisted. "But I think she's still offended."

" That's why you'll have to be very, very nice with both of them. Equally."

" I can't do that. " Gael shook his head and left the kitchen, almost feeling Millennia's eyes on his back.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! And thank you to the ones that wrote a review! You guys are making me very, very happy.**

**Love you and till next time.**


	34. Ordeal

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXIV.

" You are still sure you can find her? " Ciel asked with a shade of doubt in his voice.

He was sitting on the armchair next to the fireplace that was burning with soft light " in fact the only light in the otherwise sunk in absolute darkness living room. Ciel sipped from the red wine in his hand, the glass illuminated the flames.

" Yes. " Confirmed Sebastian, standing next to his master with an unnatural stillness.

" I'd be glad to know where she and that bastard are hiding. Get me some information and don't bother talking to me if you haven't got any."

" Yes, My Lord."

* * *

" Alright. " Millenia started, finally sitting back after serving the tea in the living room. She placed some sugar in her cup. " Tell us about your family.

Gael, next to her, was smoking a pipe of dark briar with a distant look in his eyes.

" We don't have to talk about this. " Ravenna spoke, glancing at Undertaker.

He met her eyes.

" It's fine. My whole family is dead. I am alone. " He stared down at his tea.

" Well, not anymore. " Millenia smiled to Ravenna.

" Sorry to hear that. " Gael leaned back on his armchair thoughtfully.

" How did you two meet? " Millenia continued.

" Uhm..." Ravenna raised her head slowly.

" She... saved my life. " Undertaker helped her. " And I'm forever grateful to her."

Ravenna's cheeks slightly reddened.

" Just don't be too grateful. " Gael murmured and Undertaker fixed his eyes on him.

" Is there a problem with me being grateful to her?"

" Not at all. " Gael snapped.

" Is it because of my appearance? " Undertaker asked, seemingly calm. " Or my behavior seems threatening to you? What is it?"

" What isn't? " Gael asked mockingly. " Listen to me, boy. I am obliged to protect Ravenna from any kinds of savages and freaks."

Undertaker narrowed his eyes as if Gael's words caused him physical pain. Then he stood up and headed to the door.

" Oh, dear. " Ravenna bit her lip and caught up with The Undertaker, before he leaves the room. She pulled his hand in order to stop him.

" What do you want from me? " He turned to her. " It is logical that I must not be here."

" Stay with me. Please. " She whispered. " Prove him you're not what he thinks."

" Ravenna. " Gael commanded, ordering her to give up on him.

She didn't move, both her hands holding his.

" But he's right. " He said loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. " You don't need someone like me."

" He knows nothing about you. " She ranted on the same tone.

" And I don't want to. " Gael went on. " If he'll be another disease to your life, darling."

Ravenna closed her eyes.

" I'd rather die a thousand times in the most painful ways than hurt her. " Undertaker opposed him quietly after a few seconds of silence. Ravenna opened her eyes, stunned by the words she heard. She hadn't really thought of the way he was seeing her. She only knew how much she cared about him.

You can judge me however you want, but you can't change how I feel."

Gael stared at him in silence as if he was appraising him.

" I trust you. " Finally came his answer and Ravenna sighed with relief.

" I know you don't want me in your home, but I can't leave Ravenna here. You must understand that I can't part with her."

" I respect that."

" You know what? " Millenia interrupted them, saying cheerfully to her husband. " Why don't you show him our library? I'm sure he'll be most interested in the things we have there."

" I'll be glad to show him. As long as he doesn't touch anything. " Gael stood up.

Ravenna gave Undertaker a sorry look.

" Well, at least you passed the test. " She whispered to him.

" Not really. " He replied, glancing at Gael.

" Go. " She let go off his hand and smiled to him. " And please keep up with the not-kill-each-other conversation.

" That was my plan. " Undertaker admired Ravenna's smile.

" Follow me. " Gael opened the other door, next to the fireplace and Undertaker did so.

" God. " Ravenna furrowed and after turning back to Millenia, she realized that the latter had been watching her for a long time.

Ravenna went to the table.

" I don't know what exactly to tell you, auntie. I'll... return the cups... to the kitchen."

Millenia took the cups from her niece's hands.

" You. Sit back down. " She laughed. " I'm coming right away. I must ask you some questions."

" I- Wh-" Ravenna started, but her aunt was already out of the room. " Right."

Soon Millenia returned and sat next to her.

" Auntie... Please."

" Is he always like that? " Millenia asked curiously.

Ravenna stared at her, wondering if there was actually a way to escape such conversation. But she knew Millenia would be happy.

" No. He's never like that. He's quiet and calm, nothing like you saw minutes ago. " She held her forehead in her hand. " I think I made a mistake bringing him here...really. I just wanted to"

She stopped, when saw her aunt smiling.

" I think I got things clear now. And I'm happy he's with you. The sorrow that was devastating you... the last time I saw you. It's gone. And I can see why."

" Why uncle has to be so..."

" Harsh? You know he loves you and he wants to protect you."

" What kind of love is that? His behavior could hurt anyone. That wasn't the most pleasant welcome."

" I just don't understand one thing... " Millenia narrowed eyes. " I've seen all kinds of shinigami in my life and this friend of yours is nothing like them. There is something unusual about him.

Ravenna smiled to her aunt.

" Keep going. I'd love to see your reaction when you reveal the truth."

" The truth? " Milly furrowed. " What do you mean?"

" Nothing. " Raven laughed. " Keep analyzing."

" I don't know. I... am missing something."

Ravenna had always loved when her aunt was doing that. As an expert Millenia knew the types of shinigami very well. She knew about them in details, thanks to her work as a shinigami years ago. She had the opportunity to examine her kind from close then, writing books of information.

And whenever her little niece was with her, she would tell her all about the interesting anomalies and special capabilities of shinigami. That's what actually made Ravenna so enthusiastic about medicine and shinigami as a whole.

" This reticence of his is typical for shinigami. But that... tenderness. Never seen that before. Shinigami are never... never emotional. On that level. His behavior is... unique."

" You're almost there. " Ravenna remarked.

Millenia stared at the floor intensely, which made Ravenna laugh again.

" What is it? What is it? Wh" Oh my God. " She stressed the last words.

" You have a suggestion, auntie?"

Millenia stood up with a hand on her mouth. She was completely staggered.

" Oh my God."

Ravenna looked at her inquiring.

" I don't believe it. " Millenia exclaimed. " But-"

She gazed upon the wooden door, pairing them from the other room.

" I can't believe I have such treasure in my own house."

Ravenna loved that expression of her aunt, full of wonder.

" I knew you'd be happy..."

" Where did you find... " Millenia was out of words. " This... pure gold."

" More like he found me. " Ravenna thought.

" Have you... did he tell you something"

" Auntie. " Raven stopped her. " We usually don't have time to speak about these kind of things. And I barely know anything about oversensitives."

" Because it is born one in a thousands of years, Ravenna. Do you understand? " Millenia exclaimed. " Goodness, this is a dream come true. I'll go talk with him personally."

" Now?"

" Yes, now. And you're coming with me in the library."

" But I don't think it's appropriate to-"

" Now. " Millenia insisted and went to the door.

Ravenna sighed.

" Alright, then. He said he wanted to ask you something too anyways."

" Really? That's great. Let's go. " Millenia replied happily.

" Yes, yes. " Ravenna agreed and hastened to follow her aunt.

* * *

Sebastian put back his watch in the pocket of his vest and looked to the other side of the street. It was dark, only two street lanterns were casting white light onto the pavement. Usually for December, the weather was cold enough for the streets to freeze over, though the air wasn't chilly.

Sebastian had fixed his eyes on a small restaurant across the street. He noticed that a black carriage stopped on his side of the street. Minutes after that a man and a woman came out of the restaurant.

The man was taller than his companion and seemingly happy, he wasn't taking his eyes off the woman next to him. She, on the other side, had a long, pink dress with a slash on the right side.

Her perfectly shaped body was easily discernable through the thin coat she had on and her long blonde hair was falling freely. The couple crossed the street.

" Don't bother, dear. " The woman chuckled with her ringing voice. When the man opened the door of the carriage for her, she insisted on getting in the carriage on herself. " I just hate when everybody does that. Don't ever do that again."

There was something in her voice that would make an ordinary person shiver with fear. A strong domination that could not be questioned combined with seduction. Seduction - a pure power - that was winning over everyone who dared to oppose it. And it worked flawlessly.

The woman surrounded the carriage and before she could open the door Sebastian walked to her and caressed her shoulder, distancing her after that. Her eyes glowed in bright magenta with his touch and she startled, turning around to see Sebastian's dark figure turning to a dark alley.

She narrowed her eyes and opened the door of the carriage.

" Honey, I think I forgot something at the restaurant. I think I should better go and check."

" Do you want me to go? You don't have to"

" It's fine. " She cut him off and smiled. " Stay here. I wont be long."

She turned graciously and walked to the alley. The heels of her boots echoed in the empty street. And by the time she turned, Sebastian grabbed her and pushed her to the cold wall next to them. He got her hands in a tight hold so she couldn't move, leaving her glowing pair of cat eyes to stare at him curiously. Nevertheless she seemed rather amused.

" Hello, Lilith. " He spoke in a low-voice.

" Long time no see, love. How do they call you now? "Sexy"? Or "Mr. Suit"? " She chuckled on her own invention.

" It's Sebastian. " He slightly loosened his grip.

" Quite fitting for you... Sebastian."

" What are you doing in my hunting ground?"

" Ohh, are you threatening me? " She laughed and countered his question. " Hmm, you must have a master?"

" I have, yes. With a soul that you can only imagine of having.

" Poor Sebastian... " Lilith slowly took down the sleeve of her dress along with her shoulder-strap. " You are hungry. Painful hunger. I can see it clearly."

" The soul's worth the patience, thank you for your concern. " Sebastian's eyes ran through her bare shoulder.

" You're still sexy as hell. " She licked her lips, inclining her head.

" Oh, I'm sexier than hell. " Sebastian smirked. " But I must say that you too have taken a rather... distractive form."

" Since you really... enjoyed the last one, I thought you might like this one too. " She closed down the distance between them, but he pushed her back with his forefinger on her chest.

" No, thank you. You have a strange conception for amusement."

" Says one of the most sadistic demons in the world. " Replied Lilith. " What exactly is what you don't like in my methods of amusement?"

" For instance the silver knife on my back. " Sebastian pondered. " You tried to kill me. How inappropriate for a lady."

" You liked that. " Lilith narrowed eyes, remembering.

" You can't just stab me whenever you want."

" Yes, I can. If we end up on a bed again."

Sebastian sighed.

" Who is that man with you? " He changed the subject.

" Oh, the cute boy... " She cheered.

" He's human."

" Yes, he is. " Lilith bit her lip.

" Your master?"

" Oh, no. No, no, no. He is my order. " She chuckled. " My master is far more powerful."

" Lilly? " They heard the man's voice.

Lilith met Sebastian's eyes and put her dress in order. She quickly took Sebastian's hand and dragged him out of the alley.

" I'm here, darling. " She drew the man's attention and he approached them.

" Are we going? What happened to you, I was worried."

" Yes, my dear. I just met an old friend of mine on the street. Sebastian, that's Mr. Williams."

" Eamon Williams, pleased to meet you. " He shook Sebastian's hand. " How do you know each other?"

" Like she said. We're old friends. " Sebastian ceased his curiosity with a cold tone.

" Oh, I understand. " Eamon forced himself to smile, glancing at Lilith. " Shall we go now?"

" Of course, of course. " Lilith smiled." You go and wait me back in the carriage, darling."

Eamon looked at Sebastian and back at her, before making his way to the cab.

" So... why are you here, love? " Lilith asked.

" To ask where do I have the highest chance of being stabbed. Do you happen to know such places?"

" London is a big and dangerous town, sir. You can get stabbed everywhere."

Lilith pulled his tie, making him move inches away from her.

" You can't find me, baby. Not if I don't want to."

" I have all the time in the world. I will find you. And when I do, you will regret not telling me. " He assured her not in the least bothered.

" Ah... you're going to punish me. Can't wait. " She made a pause, meeting his eyes with a furious, wild expression, flames were burning in her eyes. Her tone transformed into it's natural, piercing state. " Don't be ridiculous. You know me. I can be powerful. And surely victorious when I decide to. You'll find me when you become a christian."

Lilith repelled him and stared at him as if she was declaring a war. Then she turned, getting her long blonde hair out of her eyes. Although far from him, Sebastian could clearly hear her low, penetrative laughter.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Sorry that I didn't mention what I promised, but sure I will in the next chapter.**

**Hope you liked it. You can tell me if I have mistakes or anything, I'd love to correct myself.**

**As always - love you and have a nice day.**


	35. Immortality

**This chapter is longer than usual and that's what actually took me more of the usual time. Anyway, hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXV.

" Hello, hello everyone! " Millenia entered the library happily.

It was a rather spacious room with two big windows to the north. The walls from both left and right sides were turned into shelves with two armchairs for both sides. The feeling of emptiness in the centre of the room was avoided by the cleverly placed desk with a chair in front of the windows.

Gael and Undertaker were on the far left side and were speaking something quietly, until Millenia interrupted them.

" Now, now..." Millenia's eyes were sparkling with excitement as she headed directly to Undertaker.

She started circling around him in wonder. Ravenna had placed her hand on her mouth, which wasn't really helping her not to laugh at the scene.

When Undertaker's eyes met hers, she shrugged.

" Sorry. My fault."

" My, my what a treasure... " Millenia continued her observation.

" Uhm, what are you doing, dear? " Gael followed her moves with narrowed eyes.

" Nothing, nothing... just admiring."

" Is that so?"

" Yes. I have a unique shinigami in my house. Is that a problem?"

Gael raised an eyebrow.

" What is so unique about him?"

" Shinigami usually call them "oversensitive", but the original adjective is the Latin "eximius" which stands for "exceptional, extraordinary". Far closer in both meaning and description, I may say. These shinigami are a biit different. For a starter... thunderstorms."

" Thunderstorms? " Ravenna asked.

" Yes, you can't sleep on thunderstorms, right?"

Undertaker gazed upon Millenia thoughtfully and slightly shook his head.

" I can't."

" You hearing is just better than ours and while ordinary shinigami like us feel slightly uncomfortable during thunderstorms, they're painful to you."

" Sort of... yes. " He smiled to her. " But it's not that bad when you get used to it."

" That really is interesting. " Ravenna folded arms. " What else?"

" You instinctively talk quietly, because the high decibels hurt you."

" I haven't really thought about that... " Undertaker pondered.

" And also, most intriguing, your emotions are quite... stronger than usual. Not that you're showing more than usual, but... You know, I actually don't know what that means, I've read about that anomaly and I'm not sure what it is like."

" It's quite a problem. " Undertaker lowered his eyes and sighed. " I've tried not to carry people's pain and sorrow, to forget it. Probably that's what the other death gods have. They naturally pass through the fear in the eyes of a dying child and carry on, without it haunting their thoughts every day and their dreams every night. I can't do that. I've never done it and I doubt that I ever will."

He finished and raised his head, feeling everyone's eyes on him.

" So being like you is pretty much a curse from what I hear. " Gael added.

" Oh, well... . " Millenia frowned. " I'm afraid that you might be right. Although there's something interesting that I just remembered."

She looked upon Undertaker again.

" Have you been with someone... before Raven. I mean, have you been emotionally attached with someone...

" Auntie. " Ravenna stopped her with an even tone. " What are you doing?"

Undertaker stared at Millenia in silence.

" Sorry. I'm really sorry. " Millenia's expression suddenly changed as if Undertaker's eyes had threatened her in some way. " Don't answer that. It's not that important. I was just curious."

The Undertaker shifted his eyes from Millenia and fixed them on Ravenna, who, on the other side, wasn't really sure what happened in front of her eyes just now.

" There are, however, some things here that are more interesting than me."

" What do you mean? " Ravenna inquired.

He walked to her and raised her chin thoughtfully.

" Why are your eyes blue, Ravenna?"

" Because... My mother's origin comes from a northern side of Sweden, however strange it may sound. " Ravenna answered him. " Her family is like that. I've seen it many times. The women are all blue eyed. It's strange, because that eye color is very rare in shinigami."

"It only passes through generations through the daughters. My brothers had green eyes like my dad. I carry my mother's genetic code and I ended up with blue eyes. At least that's what I know.

" Blue eyed shinigami..." Millenia started and both Ravenna and The Undertaker faced her. " are something very special. They have unusually sharp sense for the others."

" What? " Ravenna exhaled in surprise.

Millenia paused for a second and then continued, looking at Undertaker.

" I even have an example. There was this one time when she was little and came to me in tears and told me that her little brother's sick. Nobody could've noticed that he'd caught a cold, because he looked completely fine."

"But he started coughing on the other day. She's not only sensing conditions, but emotions and moods too. In fact she's affected by them. I know, because her mother was the same. Exceptionally empathetic, with strong connection with the others around her.

" I see. That could explain... the dream. " Undertaker glanced at Ravenna.

" Dream? " Millenia inquired.

" Although... she didn't know me at all back then, we found ourselves in the same dream. Not really clear as a construction, but still... we both knew of each other's presence."

" Did you? " Millenia exclaimed joyful. " That's incredible. There were actually a couple of times when Lychna did that. But it was with people she was fond of."

" Really? " Ravenna asked silently with a disappointment written on her face. " My own mother? Even she hadn't told me that I can actually do that."

" Yes. " Millenia replied firmly.

Ravenna watched her at a loss of words.

" So, that is everything that's special about her? " Undertaker intruded the upcoming controversy.

" Well..." Millenia started, but was interrupted by her husband.

" That's all we know."

Millenia glanced at her husband for a second.

" Yes, that's all. " She showed a corroborant smile.

" Alright. " Undertaker agreed, deep within him a flame of doubt burning, but he remained silent.

Ravenna sat on one of the armchairs slowly, her eyes distant.

" But why?"

" Why what? " Millenia turned to her.

" Why haven't you ever told me that I can literally mirror others' emotions and... create such strong connections? " Ravenna demanded. " Keeping it in secret for years? Decades?"

" We didn't want to scare you, dear. " Gael spoke to her. " You were living like a human. Most of your life was normal and happy without the madness of shinigami."

" And... we thought that it's best for you to... save you the details. " Millenia continued.

Ravenna stared at her uncle for while. She was completely astonished, but seemed to somehow accept their words.

" Like that's a proper reason to hide from me such abilities... " Sighed she irritated. " I knew that suffering so much for every little event wasn't in the order of things."

Undertaker remained silent as his thoughts were furious with all this new information. He had it in his mind from a long time. This question. Why was the blue color of Ravenna's eyes? Obviously there was something special about them after all.

The interesting part was that Gael and Millenia didn't seem really trustful and they were surely hiding something. The was more than what they revealed. Perhaps Ravenna could help him with that. But a conversation with her in private was kind of hard at the moment.

His eyes ran through the shelves filled with books, some of which were maybe older than him. A single one drew his attention. He got the feeling that he had seen that one somewhere. It was familiar.

He took it absently and opened it slowly, drawn by this feeling. It looked like... poetry. The verses sounded ancient, most of them were cheerful, some of them sad. He turned over the pages to the end and there was something written on the cover.

A hand-written verse... fading, small letters. Black ink. It was clearly written fast, because the words were barely discernable. "The blood of-"

Gael grabbed the book from his hands.

" Didn't I tell you not to touch anything? " He turned the book back in the library.

Undertaker's curiosity enflamed as he looked at the book and the to Gael.

" Was that..."

" Don't. " Gael warned him, his voice drawing the attention of the other two in the room.

" An incantation? " Undertaker whispered, slightly narrowing his eyes.

" No, it wasn't."

" Yes, it was. What did it say? I couldn't see the end."

" You don't need an end. " Gael fumed at him.

He looked at his wife angered and she shook her head with a worried expression. Ravenna stood up, closing up to her uncle.

" Uncle, what are you still hiding from us?"

" This just can't be true. " Gael murmured and struck Undertaker with a dead glare. " From all the books you had to take that one. Without my permission."

He slowly rest his forehead in his head as if he was tired and sighed.

" You're right. It was an incantation. A really, really old one. In fact one of the oldest in the history of shinigami. " He made a pause. " It is, considered by many, to be the key to immortality. Although we can never be certain. Simply because the ones that want to try if it really carries that power must step over many of the prohibitions in the shinigami realm."

Ravenna glanced at Undertaker whose eyes were nailed to the ground, filled with an unknown for her emotion. A shiver ran through her body, a strange feeling rose inside her as she looked into his eyes.

There was something intimidating in the way he was watching, as if she stared into just a small piece of a madness beyond her understanding. His eyes contained something that scared her. She realized that she hadn't seen everything.

He was much more than what she knew. Thinking that she knows him better than the others seemed ridiculous and even laughable. She didn't like that. She didn't like it at all, that look of his, that she couldn't read.

Ravenna wanted to stop Gael from talking, knowing what kind of memories his words were calling to Undertaker, but nothing seemed to escape her lips.

" Stealing away human souls? " Undertaker asked, his eyes still on the ground.

Gael turned his gaze on him.

" Yes. But... not only that."

Undertaker raised his head in surprise, his eyes were on fire.

" Not only? What else?"

Ravenna was aware that her uncle's answer was the thing that he'd searched all his life. Her stomach was shrunk with uneasiness. She didn't quite know why. It could be... The answer to immortality... it could trigger something dangerous in him. She somehow felt bad by the thought of that.

" Stealing away shinigami souls. " Gael stated.

Undertaker covered his mouth with the back of his hand thoughtfully.

" Are you alright? " Asked Ravenna quietly, feeling unable to speak louder.

Her tone made him raise his eyes to meet hers.

" Yes... yes. I'm fine. " She felt the urge to be close to him for a moment. But the distance between them, although they sat in the same room, seemed too long. Ravenna wanted to say so many things, but he tore his eyes from her, turning to her uncle again. It felt like he had cut the only connection she had with him.

" The pith of ten that meet the End

combine into a sacred place.

Only fragments of immortal sand

will keep them bound and wide awake." Gael quoted.

" Ten humans. " Undertaker started slowly.

" Yes. Combining the records of ten humans into one. The fragments of immortal sand are-"

" Shinigami souls."

" That's right. Adding a shinigami soul probably brings immortal life to the new formed life.

" Yeah. Probably... " Added Undertaker carried away.

" Auntie? " Ravenna decided that she wouldn't take any more information this day. " Would you, please... give us a moment?"

Millenia looked at her, then at her husband.

" Of course, my dear. Not a problem. " She stood up and a smile lit up her features. " I'm going to set out the table, because we're going to have a dinner."

" We weren't going to stay for long. " Undertaker suddenly intervened.

" You're not going anywhere, dear." She commanded him with a domineering intonation.

Gael crossed the room and led his wife quietly out of the room.

Ravenna observed silently the man in front of her for a while, while he was furrowing at the wooden door, still not being able to accept the defeat in his brief conversation with Millenia in which she didn't give him time to even try to oppose her.

He had folded his arms, probably unconsciously, in a defensive position. Soon his eyes changed back into their natural, weary state.

" You're pale. " She remarked, approaching him slowly with her hands clasped behind her. " Stop thinking about it."

" I could've..." He looked at her, his eyes lit up again. " Reach it. Immortality. I've been so close, Ravenna."

She didn't like that condition, it was too different from what she knew. Perhaps that was his happiness, she thought, she had never seen him happy and that could be it.

" You realize that-"

" Oh God! " He suddenly snapped, eyes widening in shock.

" Undertaker?"

" Indeed! Ten letters. Ten humans. He kills humans with the letters of my name, coinciding with the first letters of theirs."

" Oh. How can you... know that? " Ravenna folded hands in surprise. " Many people are dying in London every day..."

" He carves my name in Latin on the victims' hands. There's no way anyone could mistake it. By now I know of eight killed. " He exhaled loudly. " I can't believe it. He wants to create immortality. That's why he is killing shinigami on the first place."

" What if he had already killed the last two? " She asked him full of worry.

" Then things have gotten really bad. We really need to go back to the Department. William should have information about it."

Strong wind blew from the outside, the windows rattled restlessly as if the winter reminded of herself. It seemed that it had begun snowing heavily and by the look of it, it wasn't going to stop soon.

" It's completely dark and I'm not sure it's a good idea for us to go out now. " Ravenna's words came out as a natural response after glancing at the weather outside.

" It's impossible to walk in that storm, I agree. " He said absently.

" Undertaker? " Ravenna stepped forward, slightly raising her head to meet the confused pair of green eyes in front of her that she hadn't realized how much she adored.

" Yes? " His attention fully hers now.

" Are you truly going to stop him?" She asked carefully, trying to use his confusion to get an honest answer. " You told me many things about your life, but you never explained to me why did you put so much effort in creating immortality... for humans."

" Don't worry. I got over that long time ago. " He replied calmly. "Humans are just not meant to be immortal. God's will. Can't change it. Any other abominations shouldn't exist."

She almost felt it. That cold denial. He refused to tell her and there was no doubt that he had no intentions of telling her about it at all.

" It was someone you love, I see. A human. " Her eyes became softer. " A woman, perhaps?"

He stepped backwards, his expression changed drastically. She suddenly frightened that she had said too much and stretched her hand to him, trying to reach him, but his behavior towards her seemed to be completely locked away. Only the cold shell remained.

" Please..." Ravenna begged him, feeling like something had pierced her cruelly, leaving her with the realization that it has all slipped from her hands. She had no power over him anymore.

At least that kind of power she felt whenever she was in his presence, that strange power, like the world is yours and to the person you're with, like you two are invincible and happy, so happy. It was gone now, taken away from her and she was so frightened, because it she might have lost it forever.

" If these are Teryx's plans, he won't be aiming you and you're not in danger anymore. " Undertaker turned to the window and stared at his own reflection, created due to the darkness outside. " Which means that you can stay here and I can go to the Department on my own."

Ravenna wanted to say something, but was interrupted by the knocking on the door.

" Yes? " She asked hollow.

" Dinner's ready! " Millenia's cheerful voice reached them.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Have a nice day and if you want let me know what you think.**


	36. Colours

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXVI.

Millenia attempted to keep the mood cheerful, trying to remain that way until the rest of the night. She was the only one though, unable to make her guests talk more than a word or two. Ravenna and Undertaker, although sitting across one another, ignored each other in a way that seemed to be caught by the two hosts. Ravenna was in something like a silent agony, glancing at Undertaker quickly, as she was expecting something to happen, but then her eyes were falling back to her dish, which she almost hadn't touched. On the other side Undertaker was acting like a ghost, giving short answers with the only reason of using the proper manners and the proper exchange of words he had to accomplish in order to cover his hosts' expectations. Everyone could clearly see, though, he was somewhere deep in his thoughts. Neither Gael nor Millenia asked what happened through the time Ravenna was with Undertaker in the library. At the end remained only the remarks of Gael how delicious the food is and Millenia's happy responses.

She decided that the most reasonable thing to do was to not interfere in her niece's relationship with Undertaker and right after the dinner she offered to show them their rooms, assuming that they are both extremely tired after the long day. And they truly were, accepting her offer most welcoming. Soon everyone was secluded in their own rooms and with the quick passing of the hours only two room left still with lights that weren't out.

Ravenna wasn't going to be at peace until she at least tries to apologize for her straightforwardness with Undertaker during their last conversation. She had to try and she knew it. After a couple hours of thinking, she finally decided to confront him and she went to his room, fortunately close to hers. She knocked and seconds after it he opened her as if he'd been waiting for her to come.

Ravenna entered his room slowly and waited for him to close the door and turn back to his sitting position on the bed. The half of the it was covered with opened books, she noticed. Undertaker took his silver-framed glasses and put them back on, continuing to read.

" I'm sorry I disturb you at this late hour. " Ravenna started.

" It's fine. " He kept looking at his book. " I'm still not sleeping as you see."

She approached the bed and sat on the other side's end.

" What are you doing?"

" Nothing. " He absently started closing the books in front of him, moving them away from the sheets and a silence fell between them for a while. He kept tidying up and soon he had cleared the bed.

" I see. " Ravenna got on the bed and sat in front of him, thinking of what an interesting effect the glasses had on his face.

" Why do you look at me like that? " He asked, feeling her eyes on him, while placing the last book on the bedside cabinet.

" Just... Haven't seen you with glasses. " Her eyes dropped down to the sheets, she wrapped herself tightly, feeling the cold reaching her body.

" Thank you for reminding me. " He startled and removed them, putting them aside." I almost forgot to take them off."

There was no emotion in his voice. Not a single drop of emotion. Ever since the dinner. Ravenna was afraid to talk with him now. The atmosphere was so oppressing that she preferred to remain silent, but... she knew that wasn't possible.

" I wanted to say... I'm sorry. I wont ask... questions anymore. I'm done with the questions."

She sighed, feeling more guilty than ever. The worst part was that he was just sitting there without making the slightest move and his silence was so insistent that it was making her nervous, even angry. It wasn't fair that she was showing all of her emotions and he just watched her with coldness that was psychically carving her. She couldn't stand it.

" What is it exactly that you fear? " Ravenna asked him directly. " I can't... help you if you aren't going to speak with me."

" You can't help me. " He denied her with an even intontation.

" I can try."

" What for? " His lips curved in a bare smile. " I'm not what you seek, Raven. You should have the colorful life someone else could give you. I can offer you only black. If you're smart enough, you'll let go of these ridiculous... ideas you have of me."

" You don't know me at all then. I'm a realist. " She assured him firmly. " And I made my decision long ago. And I've estimated the situation. I'm not letting go of you."

" You deserve more, Ravenna. " He shook his head. " You should think about it."

" I don't want anything else. You can't change that... Why do you have to be like that? " She couldn't help, but raise her intonation angrily.

" Because it's better for both of us."

" Both of us? Is it because of your father? You fear that I might get in his way by being with you?"

" This is just one of the thousand of reasons why you shouldn't be with me."

" But... we already know your father's not interested in me. What concerns you so much?"

" I bring only death and pain. I'm not telling you this as an excuse. I'm telling you this, because I know it's true. I'm better off alone."

" Let me decide that. " Ravenna drew herself closer to him.

" I'm not lying to you. " Undertaker continued slower, following her movements with his eyes. He could swear that the pair of dark blue eyes, heavy with sorrow, delving into him, although inches away, was going to be branded in his mind. Forever. But he knew she'd understand. He had no other choice. " Just... find happiness. And bury me."

" Bury you? " She breathed out, furrowing to him. She couldn't understand... she couldn't believe it. He knew what he was doing to her and he kept insisting on it. Her heart was aching by just the thought of thousands and thousands of years without him in her life. It didn't matter how was he going to be there, it mattered that she needed his presence in order to live. He was the one who saved her from tearing down after what she endured.

" What happened with... " Her voice cracked, the lump in her throat was making it hard for her to speak. She forced her voice, though it came out as a whisper. " Then why did you kiss me back then?"

" Don't use that against me. " He turned his head aside.

" Did it mean anything to you? " She searched his eyes desperately.

" Don't. " He warned her, ignoring her eyes. " Don't come any closer."

" So what happens... " She drew herself as close as she could. " If I don't want to live anymore. If I decide to end my life. "

" You wont. " He stopped her.

" What if I do? What if I don't wake up tomorrow?

His eyes met hers again, with strong disagreement burning in him.

" Stop saying that. " He commanded her in low-voice. " Promise me that you'll live, whatever happens."

" I can't do that." She slightly inclined her head.

" Why?"

" Isn't it obvious? " She inhaled, but her breath shattered, trying to hold her sadness, now gushing from her insides. " Because I love you. If your life ends, mine ends too."

His irises widened in shock.

" No... " He exhaled sharply, once her words reached him. She'd never seen his eyes, expressing so much fear and then... anger. " God, no."

He recoiled from her, moving away from the bed.

" Don't ever say that again! " He snapped with ferociousness that penetrated through Ravenna as if he'd hit her physically." I don't want to hear any of that ever again."

A tear ran down Ravenna's cheek. She heard how he went to the door and opened it harshly.

" I'm leaving tomorrow. Early in the morning. Tell Gael and Millenia that I'm grateful for their hospitality. " He declared evenly. " I think it'd be wise for you to go and rest in your room."

Ravenna used her wrapper to dry up her face and stood up.

" I've never wanted a colorful life. " She slowly walked to Undertaker smiling widely.

She stood on her toes and her lips touched his forehead. He closed his eyes, she wasn't sure if it was because he was denying her or because he wanted to remember that touch, before leaving. Because she was certain that he would do anything to keep them apart. He would do anything to destroy her affections. And his own, if they even existed. She couldn't tell anymore. Because that painfully looked like a goodbye.

" For black has always been my favourite colour."

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Hope you like it.**


	37. Void

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXVII.

Ravenna woke up and passed her hand over her eyes. She glanced through the window, while still under the warm blankets. The storm was lulled, there was no wind. Only the quiet beauty of yesterday's driven snow had remained, covering the wood in a calming, white colour. It was rather dark. Judging by the lack of sunshine, she guessed it was still very early.

Ravenna felt her chest heavy again.

He was probably long gone. And he wouldn't want to meet her anymore.

She didn't want to get up. What was she going to do now? She didn't know... how to exclude him from her mind. She felt like her center was carved and stolen from someone and now she had nothing to fill it with.

Was he alright?

What are his plans...what is he going to do concerning Teryx Cron?

His father could have easily created an immortal human by now.

Undertaker could need her... even if he's refusing that since they met.

Perhaps he didn't need her at all, she thought for a second... but was there a being on this planet, whether it's human or shinigami, that wasn't in need of love? A life without having someone to love you and someone for you to love is awful.

Her heart sunk within her by the thought of Undertaker, hundreds of years... alone in this world. She desperately wanted to show him that he didn't need to be alone anymore.

Ravenna stood up to a sitting position and hugged the fluffy quilt. Perhaps the fear he felt was unconscious. Considering that a person, whom he probably loved and admired, his own father had tried to kill him, while succeeding to kill his family. She tried to imagine herself on his place.

It completely terrified her. Of course he'd be afraid. He was probably instinctively thinking that he'd hurt the person he loves. Although he hadn't said that he loved her. He surely cared for her. And what of it... It was important that he had broken that constant reticence for a while.

Ravenna sighed and leaned back, her eyes on the ceiling. She knew that all that he needed was time. And she wasn't going to stop loving him, no matter what his real self was going to turn out. She didn't care at all.

The more she was thinking the sadder she was getting and... If only she could fix things somehow.

Suddenly Ravenna heard a quiet sound of sliding in the silence. It came from... the door.

She hastened to get out of her bed and saw a little note, under the door.

But other thoughts were running in her head. She reached for the handle, but stopped, feeling that... he was there.

On the other side.

She wasn't sure that she'd take his denying eyes one more time.

She wasn't going to give up fighting through his defenses. Never. But she was afraid of the opposition. Knowing herself well enough, she had the feeling that it could break her down. And that's why she stopped.

Ravenna took a breath and... then released it, closing eyes, leaning her forehead on the cold, wooden door.

* * *

Undertaker removed his palm from the door and his eyes slowly fell on the ground. He never thought that parting with someone could be that hard for him. Ever since he remembered, losing something wasn't that much of an affliction for him.

Just because it happened to him so often that he got used to it. At least he thought that way. He thought that he knew the cost of losing something or someone. He had felt it so many times, that emptiness. That emptiness that was following you like a shadow, a lingering illness.

Yet, this was different. Ravenna was... special.

He'd never wanted to stay with someone so badly. He never imagined that such perfect creature could exist. And that was the exact reason he had to get away. He had to run from her. If that was the way she'd be completely safe, there was no place for doubt.

He had lived by himself until now, he was going to survive without Ravenna. That was the right thing to do.

Although he was hurting her, he could see it in her eyes last night. He was causing all that pain, it was his fault. That pain in her eyes. That same pain that kept him awake throughout the whole night, ripping him in peaces. He stopped himself from going to her room to ask for forgiveness so many times. He didn't count them. His thoughts never left Ravenna. Not for a second.

That wasn't usual for him. In every other situation he'd neglect every possible reason to stay. Then he'd leave it all in the past. Things were supposed to fade in time. Not that it worked for him that way for he remembered every second of his life clearly, but there was something true about that.

Usually he'd try to forget. But his whole being was refusing that. He was going to be honest with himself this time.

He did not want to forget. He wanted Ravenna now, he wanted her safe and happy. But not just that. He wanted her to be his and his only.

He wanted her selfishly much. He wanted all of her. Her laughter, her hatred, anger... and passion. Her courage, her wittiness. Her sad eyes, delicate, pale skin, her lips... Everything.

But he knew that he'd never have everything. That wasn't possible. Even if it was, he wouldn't deserve it.

Undertaker raised his head and stepped away from the door. He went to take his dagger back and left the house as fast and silent as he could.

Ravenna heard his steps though. She picked up the note from the ground and read it.

"Stay here until we're done with Teryx Cron.

You'll know when it's safe enough for you to go back to the city.

I'm sorry."

Ravenna turned around and slid herself slowly to the ground, wrapping hands around her feet.

She prayed that he'd be alright.

* * *

Half an hour later Undertaker was walking the streets of London, here and there passers-by were slowly making their way through the cleaned up, but frozen pavement. People...

They were wrapped tightly in their clothes, trying to protect themselves from the cold. He quickened his pace, angry to his thoughts, bringing him back to Ravenna. At least the cold didn't bother him. A strange feeling had taken place inside him now.

He couldn't name it, but it felt like spreading fire and it wasn't in his power to suppress it.

Once in the Department, he headed straight to William's office.

" Yes, that's right. Two souls. " He heard William's voice, before entering his office.

Undertaker didn't expect to find Glacis standing in front of William with some kind of document in his hands. It seemed like there was a problem so he just waited in silence next to the door. William noticed him, but kept his attention on Glacis.

" Contact me again tomorrow. We'll see about that..."

" As you wish, sir. " Glacis turned around and startled to Undertaker's presence. " Oh. Do you always show up like that?"

" Do you have something new, William? " Undertaker completely ignored Glacis, surrounding him.

William opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped by Glacis.

" A complete lack of manners... Is that what Ravenna likes in you?"

William met Undertaker's eyes, highly concerned of what he'd seen there, but didn't say a thing. Instead he sat on his chair and started writing something. Undertaker turned to Glacis with a smile.

" I'm not in the mood to argue with you. Would you please get away from the room as soon as you can?"

" If I knew Ravenna's into that kind of people, I could've just use her for my own benefit... " Glacis furrowed thoughtfully. " Just like you do."

" Stop bringing her as an excuse to that vile behavior of yours. " He stepped to him, his voice was quieter. " You have nothing against me, Glacis. You are a nonentity. I'll crush you like an insect. I'll carve your heart out and dismember you in tiny peaces, each buried in different places if you only dare to get near Ravenna without her permission. " He stopped for a second. "You disgust me."

Glacis listened to his threatening in silence, but in the end a bare smile shaped his flawless features.

" Alright... If Ravenna's still interested in you in the end. I may be a nonentity, but you're a wreck. She wouldn't need a wreck beside her, don't you agree? " Glacis stepped backwards and opened the door, nodding him mockingly, before disappearing.

William raised his eyes to Undertaker who didn't seem to move, he couldn't even hear his breathing.

" I don't like you that way. " William fixed his glasses and looked back down to his papers, not daring to meet Undertakers' eyes. He was supposed to be his director and he managed to keep everybody else at a distance, getting the proper respect.

Undertaker was the only exception for he never demanded respect or... anything from him. Not that William really minded that, they were some kind of friends, but... There was something else that didn't let him to treat him like someone lower.

Undertaker's knowledge and power was beyond his. He just couldn't act like he acted with the others. Undertakers' level was way beyond his and William somehow didn't know how to speak with him. As an equal, as a base or as a superior.

" I don't care if you like me or not. " Undertaker cut him off angrily and turned back to him. " Are there more victims?"

" There are good news and bad news."

" Good news?"

" Eamon Williams has gone missing. There's a chance of him being still alive. The problem is that we can't find him and his name is beginning with "E" so it should be Teryx Cron's work."

" I have a strong suggestion of what Teryx Cron's plans might be. " Undertaker furrowed. " Believe me, you wont like it."

* * *

**THANKS for reading! Until next time ;3**


	38. Interrogation

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXVIII.

" I see. " William caressed his forehead thoughtfully. " I should've known... that serial killer had surely planned it all very long ago. But something had stopped him, something hadn't been right, because he's known for killing shinigami for decades. Why would he to do such thing now?

He made a pause, taking his glasses off. Then used a small, grey-coloured tissue to clean the lenses with slow, circular motions.

Undertaker was staring with an empty, distant gaze through the window in a stillness, resembling a marble statue.

" The human souls are... extremely hard to preserve. " William continued. " I can't imagine what it will be like. He'll kill a human and then will probably add others' records to the already interrupted one. And then... what? Add a shinigami record? Records? How many shinigami had he killed?

William stopped asking his questions, feeling like they were too many.

" What do you think? " He put his glasses back on.

" That we're absolutely powerless. " Undertaker slightly narrowed his eyes. " What's the point of talking and trying to understand what exactly is he going to do when we haven't got the slightest idea where he is?"

" I assume he's not aware that a whole Department's after him."

Undertaker sighed.

" You're wasting your time and the time of the others. You wont find him that easily. I really don't think he's bothered by your... laughable search. London isn't small. And also... " He turned to William. " What makes you think he's in the city? Or near it?"

William furrowed.

" We can't talk about a pattern. The victims are of different age, sex. They even live in different parts of London. The information we can extract from all this is absolutely none."

" This is quite strange. Why is that last one not dead? Are you completely sure that this human's body isn't somewhere left, hidden?"

" Undertaker, I don't think someone could hide a human body from a whole Department shinigami searching for it in a single city."

" Do you happen to know where Eamon Williams was last seen then?"

" No, but... we know of the existing of his only relative. He has a smaller sister and they seemingly live together. " William met his eyes.

" She might've seen something unusual around him. Before the disappearing. I better go and find her as soon as I can."

" I can give you an address. " William dipped his feather in the ink and started writing. " The family is rather wealthy. The two living members live in a big house in Knight's Hill, across an old chapel. You'll see it."

Undertaker was silent for a while.

" Damned fiend, he is... " He suddenly fumed in low voice. " My own father. He's not chasing me after all. But he'll have to take me down first... if he wants to reach his immortality. I wont let him do his experiments anymore."

William stood up and walked to him, handing the address.

" Glad that we have something to track now. " Undertaker took the note sharply.

" Yes. " William said slowly and stared at his colleague with his sharp green eyes.

" What is it? " Undertaker inquired, meeting them.

" You're strangely... aggressive lately. Is there a reason for that? Except the fact that your father is... still around."

Undertaker shifted his eyes back to the window and after a long silence he spoke again.

" William, have you ever loved a human?"

William was at a loss of words, the question confused him.

" Do you know what it is to lose something you'd die for? " Undertaker turned back to him and continued." I wish you to never know.

He headed to the door.

" Things are different now, Undertaker. " William stopped him. " Ravenna is not a human."

Undertaker didn't answer, leaving William in his office.

William was right, he thought as he walked through the corridors down to the Department's exit. Ravenna wasn't human. She was immortal, just like him. But that wasn't changing the fact that she was constantly in danger around him. He should keep the distance between them.

It could be great if she just forgets him and continues to live her life happily, without any psychos and murderers. Without people like him who'd only bring her to tears. She needed people like Glacis. He could make her happy, buying her presents, his constant attention on her.

He could love and protect her, unlike him. All he did was destroying her. This thought only made him angrier. It made him hate himself so much...

" Undertaker? " He raised his head to meet the one who disturbed his thoughts. He was in the spacious lobby now, meters away from the exit, when he heard the female voice. " Are you alright?"

It was Kiara, walking up cheerfully to him, holding a long, fawn coat in her arms. She was dressed in green trousers. Her white shirt was tucked in it and a small green bowtie was adorning her neck. The long blonde hair was braided revealing her bold, green eyes.

" Yes."

Kiara's smile faded, replaced by a worried expression. She knew he wasn't.

" Can I help you with something? " She asked him carefully.

" I'm afraid you can't. " Undertaker replied briefly again.

Kiara swallowed and took a breath.

" You're in a haste, I see. I'll leave you, then. " She yielded, understanding that she wasn't the person with whom he'd want to talk to at the moment.

" Yes, I have work to do. And it's urgent. Please, excuse me. " He walked away, heading to the exit.

" Are you sure I can't help you with something? " She asked for a last time, smiling to her own obstinacy.

Undertaker suddenly froze.

" Actually... You can. " He turned slowly to her. " If you agree, of course."

" Are you kidding me? " She chuckled. " It'd be an honor to help you."

" Happy to hear that. " He said with his calm voice, not giving any sign that he's happy. " Let's go then, I'll explain to you what we're going to do on our way."

Kiara put on her coat and buttoned it in order to protect herself from the cold. Undertaker opened the door for her and they went out together.

They chose the shortest way to Knight's Hill, through South Norwood, Anerbey, around the Crystal Palace Park and just above West Dulwich. While making their way to the residential district, Undertaker didn't say a thing.

Although he observed Kiara carefully. He noticed that her childish behavior was gone and she was kind of different. Somehow more... serious. She was extremely focused. The glasses made her look mature and her gait was evincing her determination.

" So... where are we going? " After a quarter hour walking in silence she couldn't stop her curiosity.

" To interrogate a woman. I need information. And I'm almost sure she has something that can help."

" A woman? You mean a human? " Kiara was confused. " I really can't imagine-"

She stopped.

" Oh. I got it. You need me for that."

" Yes. " Undertaker turned to her. " My looks would most likely cause her a heart attack. Or worse. You look more... normal."

Kiara raised an eyebrow.

" There's a thing I don't understand. I'll ask this woman whatever you want, but how are you supposed to hear her answers if you wont enter the house?"

" I'm... gifted with very sharp senses. I will hear her, don't worry. " He made a pause. " That woman is the sister of a man with the name Eamon Williams. He's gone missing for two days now and I need to know if she had noticed anything strange while he was still with her."

" You're lucky that I have my death book with me and I'll be able to introduce myself as an investigator. " She pulled a small diary-like notebook out of her coat." It was going to be really suspicious to enter her house and start asking her this kind of questions without any explanation.

" I was going to give you mine, but you're prepared. " He glanced at her. " I believe you're doing your job extremely well. I'll tell William to promote you. You can even teach the new ones."

Kiara bit her lip, her eyes dropped on the floor.

" Mr. Spears... already called me a few times in his office. The first times was to... censure me for not wearing my glasses all the time."

Undertaker smirked.

" A few times? And that's the only reason?"

" The last time he insinuated that I'm doing very well. " Kiara's cheeks suddenly reddened. " And...

" What? " Undertaker asked, inciting her to continue.

" He said that he approves the clothes I wear while working, commenting that dresses would only slow me down and would surely be obstructive to my kind of work. Then he gave me that bowtie. " She pointed the green one, wrapping the collar of her white shirt. Her voice was sinking lower and lower. " Said that it would fit me and I could wear it if I like it.

" William? " Undertaker marveled. " Making presents? He definitely likes you."

Kiara gathered the courage to meet Undertaker's eyes.

" What? No. I don't think... " She was still blushed. " He wouldn't..."

" I know him very well, Kiara. " Undertaker smiled to her. " That's not how he usually acts."

" You think?"

" He's strict, dignified and extremely devoted to the things that are important to him. I'd suggest you to be careful with your superior. You should let only him to do things out of the rules though. " Undertaker warned her. " He wont like it if you start doing the same towards him."

Kiara wrinkled at him.

" I'm not allowed to give him a tie as a present, but he's allowed to give me a bowtie as a present, is that what you mean?"

Undertaker smirked.

" Yes, exactly."

Soon they reached the district and after few streets Undertaker stopped on a crossroad with three ways. On the place between two of them was rising an old chapel with a small, enclosed with a low fence, probably a garden, but now covered in snow.

Across it a big house was casting shadow on the quiet street. It was clearly a noble belonging, judging by the size and the appearance. The base of the house was in old English style, but it seemed like the exterior had it's modern features - the vaulted windows and the saturated ivory colour.

" I think that we arrived. " Undertaker looked up to the house. " You can continue. I'll be outside."

" Alright, I'm going. " Kiara went to the luxurious door, holding her death book in hand and knocked, looking around. Undertaker was nowhere to be seen. She shook her head. He was impossible.

After a minute the door opened and a thin, frail young woman was standing in front of her eyes with an inquiring expression.

" Do I expect you, miss? " She asked with a lifeless intonation.

" No, madam. I'm Kiara Flair. I'm working on the investigation concerning your brother Eamon Williams. Can I ask you a few questions?"

The woman stared at her for a while, judging her appearance. Then she stepped aside.

" You can go in. It's better for us to speak inside. Although I'm afraid I don't have much to tell you. I've said the same to the police and the other investigators. It didn't help them much to find my brother."

" Anything would be helpful. " Kiara assured her.

" My name is Alyssa. " The woman introduced herself and invited Kiara to sit on the sofa in her living room.

" Are you close with your brother, miss Williams? " Kiara started as they both sat and silence fell again.

" I am, indeed. We love each other very much."

" Have you noticed something unusual the last days before he disappeared?"

" Unusual? " Alyssa met Kiara's eyes.

" Yes, something that made you worry or you didn't think is normal around your brother."

Alyssa's eyes dropped on the pleats of her dress.

" There was something that I thought it was... not quite normal."

" Can you share it with me? " Kiara asked slowly.

Alyssa raised her head again.

" There was this woman. He talked about a woman he met all day and all night. She had filled up all his thoughts. I asked him about her a few days after he met her. He told me that they met by a pure accident one day, she'd told him that she's lost and he had helped her to find a certain street. Eamon was absolutely fascinated by her."

" Did he tell you how this woman looks like?"

" Oh, yes. "Long and soft hair like liquid gold and angelic features" was what he was saying. "and her eyes are like old, fine wine". He praised her like goddess. I assumed that she's really a beauty and he's in love with her."

Kiara narrowed eyes. The description didn't sound suspicious. She wondered if it meant something to Undertaker.

" I actually never saw her. Eamon told me that she's refusing his invitations. I don't know... he was so happy since he met her. Then two days ago he went to meet her again and... he didn't come back. " Alyssa's weary eyes fixed on Kiara. " I don't know what to think anymore. I expect the worst."

" I can't give you hope, miss Williams. But I guarantee you that we'll make everything possible to find your brother. " Kiara calmed her with a firm intonation.

" That's all I know. " Alyssa said quietly.

" Was there something else that you've noticed?"

" No... It's just that. My brother has always been so calm and collected and since he met that woman, he changed so much. I couldn't recognize him."

Kiara saw that the woman was really tired and she didn't want to bother her with more questions, because they were upsetting her.

" Alright. Thank you very much for the information, miss Williams. It was very helpful. " She stood up and walked slowly to the exit, Alyssa followed her. " We'll inform you right away if we know something."

" I'm sure. " Alyssa replied.

" Oh, one more thing. " Kiara turned to her. " Has your brother by chance mentioned a name?"

" Yes. Of course. It was all he kept repeating." Alyssa opened the front door. " I believe it was "miss Aubburn". Lilith Aubburn was her full name."

" Thank you. " Kiara nodded and left the house, hearing the door behind her close.

" So it's Lilith. " She heard Undertaker's voice behind her and turned to him.

" Do you know her?"

" Not quite... But I think I can find her."

" Where do we go now? " Kiara inquired.

" Back to the Department. I must inform William about this and... take my death scythe."

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Love ya ;3**

**What do you think of WilliamxKiara?**


	39. Memories

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XXXIX.

" Ravenna? " Millenia asked, breaking the long silence.

Her niece raised her eyes from the plate sharply as if awaken from a deep dream. Then she took a breath and continued spreading butter on a small peace of bread, well aware that it wasn't going to disperse the suspicions of her aunt that she wasn't alright.

But how could they be dispersed with the obvious absence of a fourth shinigami in the room? Pretending everything was just fine wasn't going to deceive neither her aunt nor her uncle for they knew her from a little. Her moods were absolutely sheer for them.

The three of them were having breakfast for half an hour now and Millenia couldn't hide her worry.

" You haven't eaten a thing since you sat there."

Ravenna raised her eyes firstly to meet Gael's and then Millenia's.

" S-Sorry."

" Did he-"

Gael started, narrowing his eyes intimidating.

" No, uncle. He didn't. " Ravenna stopped him, clearly understanding what he was implying. Not sure if embarrassed from Gael's suggestion or the images her mind made up after it she bend her head back down to her plate.

" Is there a reason he's not here, perhaps we did something... " Millenia wondered.

" It's not your fault. The truth is it's... mine. " Ravenna confessed.

" I don't really understand, were those all empty words that he said to me last night, about not being able to leave you? " Gael asked. " If he thinks so highly of you why would he leave you now?"

Ravenna suspended everything she was doing.

Things were really complicated. She would definitely save her relatives that Undertaker's father has given a loose to his imagination and carrying an obedient demon with himself was on his way to accomplish his greatest dream, namely the so forbidden immortality. And he was doing that in the most brutal way. And he had to be stopped.

Undertaker was probably the only one who could stop him. And he left to do just that.

Ravenna felt sadness making its way through her. Away from the fact that they both returned to their initial stage " at least Undertaker let her know that he was going to treat her as he was treating everyone else.

Politely. Distantly. Like a stranger.

Everyone was a stranger for him. Once again she was one in his mind. Because she ruined his trust with her stupid, ridiculous curiosity. What did it matter? All that useless past they both dragged behind them. It wasn't supposed to destroy what they built. But it did. And she was to blame.

He could still trust her now if she hadn't been so harsh. Her sadness transformed into anger. She was so angry with herself. How could she let this happen? If only words didn't escape her mouth so quickly... Because of that straightforwardness of hers, she messed it up again.

" He thought that staying here would only endanger me and obstruct my well being. " Ravenna stood up sharply. " Hope you're happy with that, uncle... Excuse me."

She left the room.

Talking about Undertaker at the moment was going to be an absolute torture. She lost her appetite in the struggle not to let him take over in her mind.

Though it was pointless... It was more likely for her to kill someone than to stop thinking about him.

* * *

Her thoughts led her to the library. She slowly closed the door behind her with a sigh.

As a child, spending the whole day in the library would make her so happy. It was the most interesting part of the house for her. There was something magical in this old, dusty scent. It tempted her to explore other worlds, it tempted her to travel and discover, without even leaving the room.

Of course, having hundreds of years to read books was a privilege only if your life isn't interesting. Her own world was interesting enough, she thought. Especially when she started visiting her aunt often and her interest in shinigami grew bigger and bigger. It was all lovely, until two months and a half.

The death of her relatives stopped the time for her and nothing seemed to get her attention anymore. Perhaps everything she was doing was reminding her of them, that's why. Her family was her life. And it went away along with it.

But since she met Undertaker, her interest turned furiously back. He was unique and that excited her. It was confusing in the beginning, she instinctively thought about him as a threat, but things changed.

She realized that they both took the risk of being honest with each other and they shared their pain without being sure what the consequences would be. Anyway, observing him started bringing her unexplainable joy. Then only observing him kind of wasn't enough.

Quite unexpected and... happily for her he kissed her. Just when she thought that her behavior was suspicious, he decided to do that. And she had to be honest with herself, he was capable of taking her breath away and he probably wasn't even aware of it.

He was too busy assessing his actions with common sense. She could clearly see why he looked so tormented all the time.

Ravenna went to the nearest shelf, because a photo in particular drew her attention. She took it and found herself a comfortable place where she could look at it at peace.

Sitting on the armchair, she examined the photo carefully. It was a photo of her father with his brother and their wifes. They looked so cheerful that Ravenna's lips curved in a bare smile. She still couldn't understand. What was that punishment?

Why parting with someone hurt like everything's burning under your skin, like you're constantly on fire, but you have nothing to subdue it.

Ravenna never thought she'd envy the humans so much. They lived less than a century. Less than a century... And all of their pain and sadness was gone. That was such a blessing. Of course, she knew the shinigami were, in fact, cursed.

People who committed suicide are punished to collect the souls of dying humans. Forever. That word was the key to shinigami's curse. Forever was a lot of time for someone who's witnessing dead again and again... again.

She remembered a couple of times when, away from her mother's view, her father used to tell her stories of his previous life. She knew her mother would disapprove any conversations about their past life. "The past is in the past, dear. You shouldn't worry about it." Her mother always said to her with a smile.

Her father told her about his soul-collecting. She understood his detestation of all this. He wanted to change that, he wanted to change his life, because that was not something he would want his children to do.

His unusual decision to live among the humans turned into a great idea, because he found what he was looking for and namely peace.

As Ravenna grew old, that life appealed to her, unlike her brothers who seemed to not be so glad of their father's decision. Still her dad gave them a choice. In order to collect souls they had to live separately.

Firstly Ravenna thought that was cruel, but then... it was fair. Every shinigami was supposed to collect souls. That was the law. Her father had no right to stop them, just because he had decided to swim against the current.

And her brothers decided to follow the law. They joined the London Department, but never talked about what they do every day in front of their parents. Often they didn't come back for the night, sleeping in the Department.

Ravenna missed them in days like this, when it was quiet and boring without them around. But once they came back home, the three of them locked themselves in one room and she would listen all about their adventures, their strange colleagues, their superior and everything that could be made into a story.

He was not the only one, choosing to live like that though, he'd told her that in the nine hundred years of his life he had seen shinigami leaving their departments. It was a hard decision, Ravenna could tell by the way he sometimes was sighing heavily. She could feel his uncertainty, but he always ended up calm, convinced that it's all worth it.

She particularly loved when she asked him if he's feeling somehow lonely when he's away from his Department and everyone he knew. His answer was making her so happy that she always laughed at it.

" Lonely? I have you. And your mother, of course." Then he was taking her in his arms, never complaining about the way she would make him stay and hug her longer than usual people hug. She never understood why people hugged so briefly, taking a person in your arms should last at least a couple of minutes. Especially when you love that person.

She would always find the fact that shinigami too made families extremely strange, no matter their primary task of collecting souls. It seemed like having someone to love was distracting her father from falling into bad moods or worse, despair.

And for someone that could feel others' emotions as if her own, Ravenna was well aware that her mother was something like a balance for him. She didn't know shinigami's psychology as well as her aunt, but she knew that both her parents held onto each other as if there wasn't anything else in this world that could make them feel better.

That was either some kind of paranoia or love. She couldn't really tell then, how can someone be so crushed both physically and psychically when being away from someone. Well, the moment came when she personally felt it.

That inexplicable anger was threatening to tear her apart. She imagined that feeling almost as a thief that had come to her house and had stolen her most valuable things... she just wasn't sure who she's angry to, him for doing that or herself for not being careful enough.

Wanting or not, she craved for a person in particular. It wasn't the same... her whole existence seemed empty without him. For all she knew that could very well be a paranoia. For all the years of her life she never felt like that. But, surprisingly even for her, it wasn't scaring her.

She would give _everything_ to be in his presence, even if that means screaming and shouting. She loved that too.

Ravenna sighed.

She stretched to place the photo back on the shelf and relaxed back on the armchair.

Suddenly Millenia entered the library, with a tray, carrying small french buns and tea.

" Auntie... " Ravenna furrowed at her, her voice came out unusually tired. " What is all that?"

" I thought you might be hungry. You didn't eat a thing at breakfast. " Millenia smiled to her and sat beside her.

" I'm not hungry. " Ravenna warned.

" Please. Take one and I'll be happy."

Ravenna met her begging expression and decided to not oppose her. Just because she knew Millenia wasn't going to stop until she dominates.

" Alright. " Raven took one small bun and took a little bite of it, looking down.

" What's wrong?"

" I feel awful. " Ravenna replied slowly.

At least a minute Millenia observed her, before speaking again.

" Have I ever told you how me and Gael met? " She suddenly asked.

Ravenna raised her head.

" I was new in the Department, when they send him to me. My beautiful and at the same time fearsome mentor. He terrified me so much. His character involved and still does constant foul mood and getting angry for every single thing.

Yet I could stand and watch his firm, steady gaze and his majestic profile for days. He was so mad at me, catching me staring at him in not the most appropriate way for a student like me. And he was always so not pleased with my clumsiness. " Millenia chuckled.

" I've always been podgy, you know. But the day when I had to take my final mission came, I had to collect a soul... " She paused. " It was of a young girl. It wasn't the fact that I had to witness someone dying, that wasn't bothering me that much.

" Her cinematic records went berserk and I didn't quite know how it happened, but it was going to slash Gael in two. He was too close. I often asked myself where did I find such dexterity, but it seems the thought of him dying really scared me. Really, really scared me. I cut off the record right before it hurts him."

Millenia laughed.

" I remember him clearly, staring at me without moving for at least five minutes. My face must've been bloody red when he finally approached me, still astonished and notified me that I'm officially a reaper now. From that day on he always called me by my first name."

"I never looked much like most of shinigami girls, with their gracious figures and incredible abilities in soul-reaping, trying to catch his attention with everything they could possibly think of. Yet he never once called any of them by their first names. He trusted no one but me and I never doubted his loyalty towards me."

Ravenna smiled to her.

" Yes. We were really a strange couple. " Millenia started laughing again. " Not only once I thought that I'm no match for him. He was too perfect to be by my side. I was the ugly, untalented girl and he was the A-class warrior every female dreamt of then. Quite the view, we were."

" He must've known what he was looking for, because your intelligence cannot be compared with the next shinigami, auntie."

" No, the truth is that love is blind and it seems my appearance wasn't that important to him. " Millenia thought out loud.

" You're lucky to have him, then. " Ravenna said and her gaze fell on the floor. She wished her relationship was that simple.

" If there is actually love between you two, believe me, _nothing_ will stop it. " Suddenly Millenia stated seriously. " I can't help you, but I can tell you that love is a conquering power. No one has ever resisted it by now.

" I know, auntie. " Ravenna exhaled. " It's just... not that easy."

" I never said it's going to be easy. Just don't give up. " Millenia shrugged.

Ravenna stood up.

" Thank you for everything."

" Where are you going? " Millenia inquired.

" I acted harshly with my uncle this morning. I think I should go and apologize to him..."

" I wont stop you then. " Millenia rejoiced. " I should go and clean the upper floor then. I haven't cleaned it since... yesterday."

Ravenna couldn't help but laugh at her aunt's undying humor.

* * *

**I'm SO sorry for making you wait for so long. At least the chapter is a little bit longer. I'd be glad to see if anyone's still around to read that funny little thing of mine.**

**Anyway, thank you veery much for reading! Hope you have a great day. Love ya.**


	40. Taken

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XL.

A breath of nipping coldness caressed Ravenna's skin as she stepped outside the house. The storm had completely abated, but the lack of sunlight was making the air freezing.

Ravenna saw her uncle next to the white fence, shoveling the snow away in order to clear the path to the house.

"What are you doing?" Gael asked with an even intonation. "Why aren't you inside, it's cold out here?"

"I'm helping you, that's what." Ravenna started clearing the snow away, continuing the line her uncle had already made. " You shouldn't do everything by yourself."

" It's not much of a problem." Gael's tone soothed by the sight of Ravenna helping him. They hadn't been doing things together for so long.

" Listen, uncle." Ravenna raised her head, pausing her work. "I'm sorry... for earlier."

Gael stopped too, meeting her eyes.

" I'm the one who should apologize, Raven." He sighed. "I believe I was too harsh."

" It's just... a long story. Me and him." Ravenna looked down for a second, searching for the right words. "I expected you and Millenia not to understand, but to accept. I knew it'd be hard for you. But I am... attached to him in a strange way. I can't explain it and I'm not sure it can be explained."

" If he is your choice, then so be it." Gael stated, continuing with his work.

"Uncle, why are you so angry with my decision?" Ravenna didn't give up.

" Because I want someone who glorifies you." He raised his voice a bit, not daring to meet her eyes. " I want to be sure you'll be loved. Forever. And you have to accept that your choices might not always be the right ones."

" I don't care." Ravenna countered him evenly. "I'd rather love someone with all my heart for a month and be the wrong one than to have a worshipper that I despise for a lifetime."

" Are you sure he's worth everything you give him, does he understand what you feel? Because I can tell from your words that you truly care about him. I'm not sure I saw the same from him."

"Yes, I am sure." Ravenna demanded.

" Alright. Alright." Gael exhaled, tired of his attempts to change his niece's mind, which, on the other side, seemed quite comical for her.

" Uncle... I'm sure that whoever I have chosen you'd still be like that." Ravenna chuckled.

" Yeah, I would totally accept anyone but your choice." Gael agreed.

Suddenly an unknown chuckle joined theirs. Ravenna's breath ceased.

"Too bad I missed the beginning of this nice conversation."

A wave of unpleasant icy chills ran through her body as she closed eyes, praying she had misheard this voice, somewhere behind her. It could be just the wind. Or... She didn't know. She had to think of something. She was even ready to admit that she had gone mad.

Unfortunately, she heard it clearly. And she wasn't mad.

"The girl is mine, Lilith. Do what you want with the other one." Teryx Cron commanded.

When she finally raised her head, opening eyes and turned around to face the newcomers, her heart started pounding faster. Why were they here? Wasn't Teryx supposed to be busy with creating immortal life? He had been killing his and the human kind for all this time, hadn't he?

Ravenna's thoughts were changing rapidly. His presence didn't make sense. Was she the one he needed... the truth was that she was too afraid to ask herself what for. But the incantation, it fit perfectly with his actions.

Why her and why now?

She glanced at her uncle, her eyes blurring, before she could even understand why.

Gael. She wasn't ready to lose him. Not him, she begged thoughtfully. She would do anything, even voluntarily giving herself... How ridiculous, they were there for her. But what could she do? There was nothing to be done in order to protect him. Him dying... was like seeing her own father die in front of her... again.

Ravenna saw how he held the shovel tightly in his hands. It was not enough at all... for him to defend himself with it. Lilith was armed with two, similar looking, long daggers and Teryx carried his already known for her death-scythe in a scabbard.

Lilith's beastly eyes shone in bright magenta as she approached Gael lightly as a pantheress and as fast as a lightning.

"Please!" Ravenna shout in despair. "Please, don't! Aren't you here for me? Take me and leave him alone!"

She faced Teryx Cron, realizing how ridiculous that request was.

"I don't make deals, dear." He smiled to her, a smile with a striking resemblance to Undertaker's.

If only he could be here... But he wasn't and that was it.

"Don't you have a drop of dignity in that black heart of yours?" Ravenna spoke in low-voice.

"Black heart?" He stepped to her, exhaling in disbelief. His eyes were on fire. "My success will make billions of people happy."

"Shinigami should take care of humans' souls. Not use them in various distort ways."

"No more dying... " Teryx continued absently, his wistful intonation was making her sick.

"This is not how the world's supposed to be!" She fumed at him.

He grunted out in amusement.

"Very well, princess. Now it's my turn to say how this rotting world is supposed to be."

His gaze fixed on Lilith and another smile lit up his features.

"Oh no... Uncle!" Ravenna's whisper transferred into a scream as she found herself instinctively running towards him.

But not fast enough, Lilith evaded both two of Gael's blows and swept behind his back, piercing him with one of her daggers.

Gael groaned in pain as Lilith pulled it out sharply, just in time to turn to Ravenna and slap her with such strength that she fell on the snow along with her uncle.

"Lilith... Be careful with my diamond." Teryx's voice broke the brief silence. "Go and see if there's someone else in there."

Ravenna felt dizzy from the hit. The well known for her metallic taste of blood had filled her mouth. She touched her cheek. Her hand was all in clammy, warm liquid. Her thoughts ignored the dull pain that spread from her jaw through her whole head.

Millenia...Ravenna swallowed. Whatever happens, she had to stay unnoticed. She closed eyes, praying her aunt wont show herself.

She stood to a sitting position and noticing her uncle laying in convulsions, she forced herself to get closer.

"No... please, uncle." She crawled to him, checking his pulse. It was slowing down. "Don't leave me. Don't leave me."

He was still breathing, but unconscious. Suddenly two arms pulled her back, but she felt her limbs so stark that she didn't resist.

" Oh, dear." Ravenna's skin pricked as she heard Teryx's words in her ear, filled with feigned gentleness. He had wrapped his hands around her, keeping her on her feet. " Such beauty... don't you think?"

Ravenna found it hard to breathe, she wasn't sure if it's because his grip was too strong or the sight of her uncle dying in front of her. Without being able to help him.

Her eyes followed every breath Gael was taking, afraid that it'd be his last, living the horror of these seconds as if they were her last ones, not his.

"There's no one in the house." Lilith warbled, sheathing her dagger, seemingly bored.

So Millenia had hid herself. Ravenna glanced at the house. If only Gael could endure the pain for a while... He could be saved.

"Hmm..." Teryx made Ravenna face him. She looked down as he peered into her with silent insistence. She feared that her eyes would give away the little hope she had left. "Alright then."

"Lilith." He called her, stretching his hand.

Lilith gave him a roller of some strange kind of white cord that he bind around her hands fast.

" You understand I have to do this, dear." He explained to her compassionately as if he was her father and she - his daughter. Which she found repulsive. " Since you seem to be as impulsive as you are stupid, I can't take the risk."

" Lead the way, then." Ravenna finally faced him. She couldn't help but notice the similar features. The green eyes, sharpened in a specific way by his light silver hair. The nose, the lips. Undertaker was so much like him... but no. There was something different after all.

She didn't know exactly what, actually. Perhaps she needed Undertaker to make the exact difference. But now, as she thought about it, it was best for Undertaker to not be there. To not know for all this.

Because he was going to feel guilty for what happened. She knew that he'll blame himself all that. But she didn't know him well enough to be sure if he was going to live through... her death.

Yes, she accepted that she was probably going to die. But Undertaker? Was he going to accept it?

" It'd be a pleasure." Teryx stepped away with a smile and pulled the cord sharply, forcing her to follow him. " I was just starting to get impatient."

* * *

Undertaker examined his death-scythe carefully. So greatly molded that it was like a living creature. If it could speak... Well thank God it couldn't, because he wasn't sure he would ever want to hear all of its stories.

These memories of his, they were all filled with things he wanted to run from. It seems, whatever you do, your past always follows you. It finds you, no matter how well you've hidden yourself. All your mistakes hide in the shadows of the night, waiting for you to only to remember. Remembering is all they need in order to grip you and tear you apart.

The door opened, but it wasn't the shinigami who he waited to show up.

"There's... no point in waiting for William, you know." Ronald informed him. "He's off to gather souls, so... yeah."

"Alright then." Undertaker stood up. "I'm leaving."

"Is there anything you want me to tell him?"

"Tell him that I'm going to the Phantomhive manor."

"That's all?"

"Yes."

"Got it." Ronald nodded and left.

It was snowing as he went outside. He looked up. Dark skies were hanging upon the city in intimidating silence. The streets were empty on this afternoon, the festive Sunday had gathered the people in their homes.

It was 25th of December, that day has always been a bright one for the human kind. It was humanity's hope for a better world. It was a reminder that there was something good in every single person and he only had to open the doors of his heart for it.

Hope... It was the purest and the most humane thing, Undertaker thought as he made his way to the Phantomhive estate.

He couldn't afford to hope. Hope could destroy you. That was the bare truth.

As he found himself in front of the door, these thoughts left him. It opened before he could even get close to it. He knew a certain demon senses had caught his presence long ago so he didn't react.

"Undertaker" Sebastian narrowed his eyes barely perceptible.

He stepped backwards allowing the guest to enter and then silently led him to his master, currently in his office.

" What an unexpected visit." Ciel raised his head from the documents in front of him, previously busy reading them. He scanned Undertaker from head to toe. " Please, have a seat."

" Thank you, but I'm fine with standing here."

Ciel stared at him silently for a few second.

" You are in a hurry?"

" Kind of." Undertaker replied.

" Tell me, then, what you're here for?"

" Sebastian, do you have a way to track other demons?" Undertaker didn't waste more time, directly turning to the butler on his left.

" I already sent Sebastian to find where Lilith is hiding." Ciel answered instead. "Last night."

" I met her." Sebastian continued, winning Undertaker's suspicious gaze upon him. " I didn't get much of a verbal information from her concerning where she and Teryx Cron are hiding. But... I did sense a strange tinge of holiness on her. Which I can interpret in only one way. She has been on a holy ground."

Undertaker narrowed eyes thoughtfully.

" Holy ground... perhaps a chapel or a church?"

" Ironically..." Sebastian smiled. "She told to me that I'll find her when I become a christian."

" That's what we know. Since there are hundreds of chapels and churches in this city and beyond it, I still haven't thought of a way to find Lilith and her master, without wasting time." Ciel stated.

" That wont be necessary." Undertaker assured them. " We'll have to look only for the abandoned ones. And they aren't that much."

"St. Mark's Church?" Ciel leaned back on his chair. " It's pretty much out of the city. I believe it was started a hundred years ago and no one ever finished it."

" Yes. I think that's a place where no one ever goes too." Sebastian added.

" Very well." Undertaker turned to Ciel. " Thank you for the cooperation. I'll leave now."

" Are you sure you're not in need of assistance anymore?" Ciel asked him, the note of duplicity in his voice gave a hint to Undertaker. He knew what Ciel intended to do.

" I am." Undertaker exchanged looks with Sebastian. He despised him. Help from this vile and treacherous creature was going to be a humiliation.

Undertaker left before Ciel could say something. He closed the front door and turned, sunk into thoughts of what he might stand up against, going into that church. And not a thing from all his mind made up wasn't good.

Just as he was going down the stairs, he suddenly stopped by the unexpected presence of Grell and William, running towards him. They looked extremely worried. Second after he noticed them they were in front of him, stopping at the base of the stairs.

They looked up on him in heavy silence, Grell's face was marble white, his eyes were filled with fear. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand. William was pale too, but seemingly hadn't lost his composure as Grell obviously had.

"What is it?" Undertaker shifted his eyes from William to Grell in wonder. "Grell?"

Grell handed him the piece of paper and stepped backwards slowly.

" Millenia Shone..." Grell's voice trembled.

Undertaker's eyes went through the lines once.

_I'm begging you._

_Help her._

Twice.

Words... words. He couldn't... understand.

_They have taken her. _

One more time.

_They have taken her._

_Taken..._

_Her..._

What?

What was that?

How ridiculous... and funny.

He raised his head, his lips curved in a wide smile.

" Is this some kind of a joke?" He narrowed eyes.

Grell opened his mouth to say something, but William stopped him.

"It is not a joke... Undertaker." William said slowly, forcing his voice to sound calm." It seems Lilith and... Teryx Cron had... they had known where Ravenna's relatives live."

William paused, waiting for a reaction from Undertaker, but he looked like a statue, up there, he had frozen on his place. Not a single nerve moved in him, no sign of him breathing at this moment, the only movement was the slight wind, lightly blowing his silver hair.

It seems Grell was just as confused as William. Usually he would say something, but there was something very wicked in Undertaker's pose, his smile was still there, his eyes were somehow empty, now thankfully, fixed on William.

The chills that ran through his spine reminded him that it'd be best to remain silent. On the other side William was not sure how to perceive Undertaker's behavior, continuing to speak.

"Or... " He started again carefully. "They have followed you two when you were... on your way to-

"Shhhhh" Undertaker cut him off . "Gosh... boring. Boring, William!"

William furrowed at his colleague, he felt his stomach shrinking, this intonation... He had prayed not to hear it again.

Undertaker stretched his hand. A well-known for William and Grell death-scythe materialized in Undertakers hand. He leaned it, with some strange mixture of proud and satisfaction, on his shoulder and stepped downward the stairs.

" I have to visit the Queen, I really should." He caressed his chin thoughtfully, heading to William.

" The Queen?" William didn't move from his place.

" Yes, yes. The one and only." He gestured as if it was obvious. " I have an idea for a new law. She'd totally love it, you know."

Undertaker stopped in front of William and placed his free hand on his shoulder.

" The new law will forbid all the boring people like you to talk." He told him with all his seriousness before bursting in laughter. " Can you imagine that?!"

But instead of laughing William and Grell exchanged glances, although in different ways of expressing, both filled with anxiety. Undertaker's laughter rang loudly as they stood still for a minute.

As he kept laughing, Undertaker stepped away from William, walking away from the shinigami around him, not paying attention to their torpidity.

"Ohhh, dear. You're killing me, William." His voice was still trembling as he walked away.

"Bye!" He shout not turning to them, disappearing from their sight.

A few minutes after the two shinigami finally turned back to their senses.

" Oh... my God." Grell bit his lip. "What have we done? This is catastrophic."

William fixed his glasses.

" Perhaps it is all for good. Now we have a real chance to stop the massive murderer once and for all."

" Goodness, William!" Grell exclaimed, wondering on his superior's complete lack of feelings. " I'm not sure what to expect, but I really hope Ravenna will be safe and sound."

" If she's still alive." William sighed.

" If she isn't then I'm out of this Department, you know." Grell informed William matter-of-factly.

" Why?" William raised an eyebrow, Grell was always saying such stupid things when being emotional.

" Because if Ravenna's dead, Undertaker will kill us all. I mean... he'll destroy everything and everyone." He turned to William dramatically. "I'm leaving the city, dear."

* * *

**Here I am again! ****Thank you for reading!**

**This time with a bit longer chapter. Finally! You see, I turned back THE Undertaker. I can now explain that my idea consisted making Undertaker normal at the beginning and his insanity - a strange mixure of ... I don't really know, perhaps a light form of schizophrenia**** and of a bipolar affective disorder (I know I sound weird, but you can look up what it is) , triggered by something traumatic for him. Since (spoiler!) in the manga everyone saw that he's capable of being 'normal' (not really, but still more normal than the behavior he had at the very beginning). And... yeah. I thought that was a nice idea, hope you like it! Let me know what you think if you want to.**

**To NinMetro: Thank you for reviewing, firstly. And secondly: Yes, yes! I really was planning to do that, but I _have _to end Death comes to all first. **


	41. Heaven

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLI.

Ravenna tried to ignore the pain. The white cord around her wrist was incised into her flesh, it cut deeper and deeper every time Teryx pulled it sharply, forcing her to move faster. Feeling like an animal that was going to be slaughtered, she had fallen into a strange state of mind. It was almost like her spirit was somewhere else.

Her thoughts had been silenced, they had left her. The only thing reminding her that she was there, a body and a soul, was that importunate pain in her wrists and her cheek.

She didn't know where her ravisher was taking her. Obviously they were surrounding the city, trying to avoid any meeting with people... or shinigami. Away from any clear path, moving through the snow was no easy task for her, especially when she was with a dress and had a rope around her hands.

It wasn't easy to stop a memory of particular person, either, carrying her over that same snow. Pulling herself down wasn't what she wanted at the moment. But that was what everyone did in their last minutes, right? Remembering the best.

After an indefinite time staying on a safe distance from London, Ravenna saw a far, dark silhouette of a building. On a bleak hill, the lashing wind was lifting up the light snow into small whirlwinds that were building up as fast as disappearing.

It was a sharp, merciless and dry wind wielding that place, not so near to the city, but not far away either. An abandoned church was towering above, on the top of the hill.

As Ravenna was walking, led by Teryx and Lilith, she raised her head. Even through narrowed eyes, the church looked quite repellent. A silent, haunting loneliness had enveloped the old building.

The half finished visible side of the roof was arched, unnaturally soaring upward and stopping into nothing, as if a wicked joke of the humans that had built it. Two sharp pinnacles was all that was left of the nave roof, the rest of it was missing.

The front section was the finished one - a gate of iron, tarnished from the years lack of maintenance.

There was a trace of withered creeping plants, wrapping the blank and unwelcoming walls. It was desolate and ominous. Probably that was the reason no one was ever visiting it.

Soon they managed to get through the banked up road and finally stood in front of the church. The edifice was bigger than she expected. It was an imposing view, to stand before it aroused an unusual feeling in her chest. It was wickedness beyond her senses enveloping the spirit around this place.

Although beautiful, it was somehow tragic, Ravenna thought, to see this temple of righteousness broken down and inhabited with darkness.

Teryx threw wide open the gate, his lips curved in a bare smile.

"Finally..." He sighed, excitement flowing into his orotund voice.

Ravenna was dragged inside sharply. She trembled at the loud slamming of the iron, echoing through the space.

The nave of the church was a vast, empty space and what was ruined from the previously existing vault had been blocking the way to the other, far side. There was plenty of remains on the ground. But now everything was pushed aside, to the aisles and Ravenna was led through the pathway. It seems Lilith and Teryx had cleared the place

Ravenna's steps echoed into the hall with crunching sound - the missing roof allowed the snow to fall all over the place.

There was a piece of stone mass at the far side of the church. It was the brightest spot, there was nothing above to cover it from the snowstorm. The snow, covering the stone had turned it into a bed with snowflakes instead of sheets. It could look beautiful if the circumstances weren't so desperate.

Ravenna was pushed forwards. Left in silent wonder, she still had no clue what she was needed for.

She realized that there was a man tied up to a column. His white shirt was soaked in blood and his figure slouched down, nothing indicated life in him. Wet auburn hair was covering his face and she couldn't recognize it... she had never seen this man before.

She wondered if he's dead. His whole body was still as if he was frozen there. And he wasn't breathing. Ravenna narrowed eyes in confusion. Who was this man?

Perhaps one of the victims? But if so... where were the others?

Teryx shove her onto the flat stone and disappeared from her sight for a moment. She felt Lilith tying her hands somewhere over her head. Then her feet.

It was so unpleasantly cold. It felt like icy arms had wrapped her body into a freezing embrace. Her body pricked with the touch. She clenched her fists. How long was she going to stand this before freezing to death?

"Not much of the screaming type, aren't you?" Lilith leered.

Ravenna had no strength to answer her. In fact she never seemed to act instinctively to any situation she had lived through. Every time something out of normal happened, her mind locked itself away like that. She felt like a side observer of the events. She just followed them in silence. Just like now.

She wasn't able to think or... do anything. The only time she lost her mind was when she saw her parents... dead. That sight... it wasn't going to leave her thoughts for the rest of her life. Though it could end this day.

Ravenna bit her lip as if that would help to overcome her emotions and pain, gushing from inside her.

She was afraid. She realized she was afraid. Very much.

Ravenna's eyes went up, to the grey sky above her.

If there was actually God up there... what was the plan he had for her? Was her life going to end here, tied up on a stone, a sacrificial altar?

No one could answer her. It was pointless... what good was going to bring her knowing the exact moment of her death? Nothing. It was better that way.

One of her great weaknesses has always been her curiosity. It brought her so many problems that she stopped counting them long ago. She despised her curiosity more than anything.

But that was the way she was and she doubted that she could change. In any way. Ironically, curiosity was what brought her Undertaker and her own death sentence at the same time.

However there was a bright side to all of this. She could meet her family again.

Oh, that was such a joyful thought. She longed to see her brothers again. To tell them of all the strange things that happened to her and how she joined the London Department. Her mother - she'd gladly share with her that she had fallen in love.

And she had fallen in love forever. And finally... her father. She'd hug him. For at least five minutes. Without saying anything. There won't be any need of speaking, because he always... knew.

Dying could bring the happiness she wanted. But... Undertaker.

How lonely was going to be in that so appealing for her other side without him? Her eyes were still watching the sky. The silent, silver sky. An eternity was going to tear them apart. Ravenna exhaled with sadness.

It wasn't fair... Eternally away from him was not something she could bear. She didn't dare imagine what he was going to do if she was dead. Her attachment was so strong that thoughts of never meeting him again threatened to destroy her, before physically dying.

Teryx unsheathed his sword and with a single movement tore her upper dress apart. Ravenna gasped, feeling a sharp pain in her leg. She knew the blade had scratched her, but not badly. And she knew Teryx wouldn't keep her alive for so long just to kill her quickly.

"I am making sure you wont die of boredom laying there, darling." He laughed and pulled her dress away, leaving her only with her gauzy robe, held by her corset. "Besides it will keep your blood warm... Just like I want it."

The freezing concrete along with the cruel wind, still blowing mercilessly was making her limbs numb, she could barely feel them anymore. There was unpleasant pinching in her leg, was she bleeding? She couldn't move at all.

The trembling of her body was something that she couldn't control anymore. Her body was slowly cooling down along with her hope for a quick death.

Her eyes followed Teryx Cron as he wiped her blood off his rapier with a slow movement.

"At last..." He rejoiced at the sight of it on his hand.

Teryx went to the pillar where the man was tightly bind to and kneeled before him.

" Taste it." Chills run down Ravenna's spine with these words. Her blood? Why?

The body of the man suddenly shifted, his chest lifted up with the air he inhaled. A low growl escaped him. Ravenna frowned with confusion. So he was alive after all?

" Yes." Teryx rejoiced. "Live!"

The man raised his head, his eyes were extremely red. A wild gaze fixed upon Teryx Cron. There was nothing well-intentioned about this expression. Ravenna trembled as he stood up sharply and reached out in uncontrollable fit, making Teryx step backwards. But then fell again on his knees as if that took all the strength he had.

" Good boy." He smirked at his creation. "I'll give you more... and then you'll live. You'll live forever."

He looked more like a beast. He could not speak and... that empty look in his eyes. Ravenna wasn't sure if that could be called a human. But at least she was certain about one thing now. Her blood was the key to immortality. It seems blue-eyed shinigami had that power in their blood. Another fact that Millenia and Gael hid from her.

She closed eyes by the sight of Teryx coming back to her.

She felt really tired. Her body wasn't listening to her anymore. Trying to control it was of no avail. Her thoughts were her own punishment.

A heavy sorrow enveloped her along with crushing guilt. Guilt... because if it wasn't for her, Undertaker would've stayed with her and none of this was going to happen if it wasn't her rash tongue and unconsidered behavior. And sorrow... because she didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Her last memory of him was how they argued.

For all the time she spent with him she did not felt his fear, she didn't let it invade her mind simply because she was so sure that there was no danger for her. She might have been wrong for that, but not for once she thought that Undertaker was a bad decision. Just like her uncle told her. How could he be, when her heart was telling her the exact opposite?

Suddenly a deafening crash quaked the whole church. Ravenna opened sharply her eyes. What was that?

"Lilith!" Teryx called her. "What's going on?"

"I'm not sure." She abandoned her occupation, her attention fully drawn to the entrance. "It seems someone has found our modest cover."

Teryx's blade had nearly pierced her skin once again, but his eyes were fixed, with barely noticeable confusion, on the far side of the church. Ravenna slowly turned her head in order to see what was happening.

There wasn't much to see for everything was in a big cloud of dust now. A constrained coughing reached their ears. And if Teryx and Lilith were frozen in their places, Ravenna... she could feel her heart shrinking.

As the fog of dust finally revealed a completely demolished entrance and a fallen gate, they heard a rather vivid, even cheerful voice.

"Goodness... Sorry for that. Didn't know the hinges... were so rusty." Undertaker examined critically the hole in the wall with genuine worry, still coughing. " On the other side... it'll get some fresh air."

He turned on his heels, a cheshire grin on his face.

Teryx narrowed eyes and made a slow step away from Ravenna. He scanned his son from head to toe, the dagger and the death-scythe in his hands, that pose... It wasn't the same as the one he saw a while ago. That expression was not what he expected.

A wide smile lit Teryx's features. This time they were equal.

Lilith bit her lip, glancing now at Teryx, now at Undertaker. An order was all she needed to hear.

" What a nice party you're all having here! And you haven't invited me." Undertaker remarked accusingly.

Ravenna felt like she was a pawn in the hands of a cruel fate. She was ready to face death minutes ago. She gladly accepted it. But now... she wasn't sure anymore. Her heart ached by the sight of the well-known figure before her already tired eyes.

That... wasn't her Undertaker. That was walking madness. Unstoppable madness. A glimpse of which she saw at her uncle's library. What was scaring her most was that he was standing there as if he had nothing to lose. It was hurting her to think that this... might be the truth.

"I'm never invited." He added quieter.

* * *

**Hello! Please forgive me for leaving you without a chapter for so long. I had sooo many exams, stupid thing that people want me to do, plus I got pretty sick. The good side of being sick is that you have time to update! Hope you like that one. There's an action upcoming and something a bit surprising that you might like.**

**I want to thank you SOOO MUCH for reading. I love you very very much! I also want to thank TfallingangelT for joining my readers and leaving a heartwarming review!(Though I didn't update immediately, I'm still here.)**

**Thanks to CandyKissMe for reading and being excited about this story. I am noot really sure what to tell you, dear, because what I've written by now is kinda T-M rated. But it's not the conclusive version. I have to tell you straight that I'm bad at writing lemons and I don't like them much, but I hope what I like to write will win your approval.**

**And last but not least THANK YOU to everyone else following, favoriting and reading. You're the best.**  
**Love,**  
**Annie**


	42. Despair

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLII.

"So... you survived my poison. And found me!" Teryx smiled charmingly. "I thought you don't have the guts to face me."

"It'd be very inappropriate for a son not to visit his father on such a bright holiday." Undertaker shrugged, emphasizing a heavy accent on each word. "I don't want you to think I'm undutiful"

He rest his scythe slowly on the concrete and stepped forwards, rectilinear, measured. The shrill, grating sound of the fine edge of his death-scythe, scraping the floor, clearly didn't seem to bother him.

Lilith stood behind Teryx.

"Shall I?" She whispered in his ear playfully.

"Wait." He answered her dryly, scanning the figure at the centre of the church, whose main occupation was walking in a straight line.

"I'll just pretend I'm not hearing what you're whisperin' there. Keep it up." Undertaker declared matter-of-factly and frowned, continuing his thorough walking.

Ravenna closed eyes in despair, the pain in her chest was dominating over the one enveloping and benumbing her body. She believed that her love could make a change, but instead a disaster is everything it brought. A failure.

_I can't stay away from you. And that will cost you much. _Undertaker's words echoed in her mind. She remembered that so lightly as if he kissed her just now.

_You should know that. _

Oh, yes. She knew that. She knew it ever since he begged her to stay with him, against his unspoken rules to not letting anyone near. Against his rational, inner convictions that he's better off alone. Broken or not, he struggled on his own.

_I bring only death and pain._

These words were branded, sewed in his skin and that's why he believed them. But she knew they weren't true.

_Yes, that's what I do for living. Hurting people._

Constantly, constantly repeating that lie.

_I'm not in need of a mask when I have this face._

Irony was his strongest defense. It has always been too bitter for her to laugh.

_Then why didn't you let me die?_ He thought his life was a meaningless existence, she didn't notice it then, too focused on her own grief.

_Why? _He did not understand her wish to help, kindness was something unknown to him.

Ravenna knew he was capable of much more and he proved it to her.

_I'd rather die a thousand times in the most painful ways than hurt her._

_"Don't go." _ Were his first words to her and... that brought tears to her eyes. Because she was going to betray him.

She was dying.

"Did the council decide already?" Undertaker stopped and raised his head, eyes wide in expectation. "Do the legal proceedings in this city always take an eternity*?"

"Lilith" Teryx commanded.

"Yes, dear." As soon as she heard her name, Lilith dashed against her enemy. She ran and crossed the two daggers in her hands in order to swish off Undertaker's head, but he moved aside with laughter.

"My, my . How lovely..." He walked past her, smiling at his father, who was clearly sure how this battle was going to end judging by his dark gaze. "What a furious pet you have."

"Fight me, coward." Lilith yelled at him, her anger was rising with every second.

She glared at him as he carelessly leaned on one of the supporting columns, the death-scythe in his hand disappeared, he even stowed his dagger. "How dare you turn your back on me?"

Lilith darted once again off to him, not believing his composure. Not taking her seriously was his biggest mistake. She saw a great chance to take him down.

Undertaker turned sharply as she reached his range and used her directed force to switch their places, dodging her. He wrested one of her daggers out of her hand, throwing it away. Before she could resist, he grabbed the other blade, completely unarming her. She saw how he released the other dagger too.

Before explaining herself why, he clutched her neck, a single push and her back hit the column. Her nails tore his sleeve in her wild struggle to free herself from his grip, but helpless. His expression was as cold as the stone under her feet, it was extinct and emotionless. She couldn't see any indication that he was feeling pain.

"Disgusting abomination, did you think... " He whispered, holding her close. "That you'll be able to get near me so easily?"

"Come and join me, my son" Suddenly Teryx's calm voice echoed.

"You will burn." Lilith growled at Undertaker lowly, winning herself a curious expression from him.

"Oh, will I?" He raised her up and plunged her using his own dagger through her and into the friable stone.

Lilith screamed in pain, her eyes enflamed. Her screams mixed unnaturally with his giggle.

"What a shame, darling, what a shame"

Blood streamed down her nose and mouth. The agony was readable in her eyes. His dagger was silver, all bloody silver. Lilith felt the fire in her whole body, slowly burning her insides. She couldn't move, hanging in mid-air, the blade was nailed to the column behind her. Turning in her true form could be a solution if it wasn't that silver in her chest.

"Not cold anymore, hehe. Stay there for a while, darling. You're makin' a fine decoration up there. I just wanted to be undisturbed, but it seems..." Undertaker laughed and turned mechanically to his father. "That just won't happen."

"Now! Where were we?" He wondered out loud. "Yes. Immortality. Green... green, green everywhere." Undertaker imitated his father's tone and grinned.

Teryx watched him in silence.

"You think I've forgotten? Surprise! I don't forget." Undertaker folded hands approaching the man, tied on the column, continuing absently.

"It took me years. To get it." He made a circular movement near his temple, not taking eyes off the man. "You know."

"A blue-eyed was what you needed. And you found it. In fact you found all you searched for, well done. What do we have here?"

"Immortality." Teryx answered him.

"Oh." Undertaker furrowed. "Does he have a surname?"

"Do you have any idea how long I searched for the right combination?" Teryx inquired, still not making a single move.

"What is this, some kind of gambling? Combination? The right combination?" Undertaker sniggered. "Anyways, what was all that nonsense with the letters of my name?"

"A challenge. I know that you've tried to create what I did. Too bad, son, I'm the winner this time."

"You call that dead body right here a success?" Undertaker jeered, raising his intonation dramatically. "Oh, dear, what a wag." He burst into laughter.

"I'm sure you've tried some of the variations. There are many false ways. How many souls did you take away in your struggle to reach immortality?" Teryx asked him. " I know nothing worked."

Undertaker turned to meet his eyes.

"How many did you steal?" Teryx's voice rang loudly, a simultaneous accusation and enjoyment. He knew what power had these words upon Undertaker, that's why he was smiling. "I'm not the failure, you are."

"The pith of ten that meet the End..." Undertaker started quietly, no trace of joy on his face. He looked tired now.

"Wrong. " Teryx smirked. "The pith of nine who Death can take and the purest soul of an immortal."

"With them you'll stop the time... and make the night into an endless morrow" Undertaker finished, narrowing eyes. "How odd, that didn't work for me."

"So, you've heard that one." Teryx stepped to Ravenna. "There's just one little problem. The one who's transcribing from the original in Latin has intentionally changed one word, thinking that it will hide the truth. It's not the soul needed for immortality, it's the blood."

He neared his blade to Ravenna's bare neck.

" I will drain her." Teryx shared quietly, sheer sadness in his words. "Such beauty... it's a pity that it will go to waste."

"One little problem?" Undertaker followed his moves with his eyes.

Teryx touched the base of her neck with his rapier and pressed lightly. Blood tickled down her white skin, as she trembled in pain, barely opening eyes.

She inhaled with difficulty.

Teryx stepped backwards in a split second, before Undertaker's death-scythe sliced the air in front of him. Then again. And again. Teryx had to move as fast as he could in order to dodge these blows.

"Woah, woah. Wait a second, what's that all of a sudden? I wasn't finished." Teryx exclaimed in surprise, right away when he had the seconds to take a breath.

Instead of an answer, he received Undertaker's silent approach. His tired eyes didn't show any emotion, as if he moved without a thought. Or without a desire to think.

"Ooh, you... are fond of her?" Teryx smiled again, surprised by his discovery. "How touching, didn't she call you a heartless bastard back then?"

Undertaker raised his scythe for another blow, but Teryx parried it and drew the steel across the scythe's edge, a scratching and unpleasant noise echoed in the vast space.

"Seriously... You, fond of someone." Teryx exclaimed, genuinely amused and pushed himself away. "If that's not the funniest thing I've ever heard!"

"Do you actually believe you can be fond of someone? You are just... like me. We are not capable of loving. You told me that the last time and you were so right, my boy."

"You... " Undertaker countered him, grabbing one of Lilith's daggers from the ground and delivered Teryx an unexpected for him low blow through his knees, making him lose balance. Undertaker used that moment to knock him down with the helve of his scythe. Teryx fell down and Undertaker stepped on his hand, pressing it harshly.

"Where is the mercy you had when we met the last time?" Teryx asked in exhaustion.

"I lost it along the way." Undertaker pinned Lilith's dagger into his shoulder, making him shout in pain, releasing his rapier.

"I could take away the curse off all shinigami. Every single one of us would be free of it." Teryx told him in his struggle to fight back, although Undertaker had stepped on his shoulder, gazing upon him with not much of an interest. "Humans would never die, so and we. The world is going to be a perfect place!"

"Oh, my love, my darkness." A sigh, filled with longing escaped Undertaker's lips as if he addressed someone invisible. "I knew I'll find you again."

Teryx tried to escape once more, but Undertaker leaned to him, spinning the blade deeper in his father's flesh.

" What did I tell you?" Teryx laughed to him, despite the pain. "You cannot escape your genes. You're bloody insane!" He made a pause and added quietly "You have become me..."

"Dead man walking." Undertaker announced triumphantly, staring at the man, laying in his feet. His eyes sparkled with excitement. He raised his death-scythe sharply and prepared to strike down. "Death, death comes to all. Rejoice!"

"Undertaker..." Ravenna's whisper reached him. Her lungs were refusing to support her breathing.

He froze, still holding his death-scythe above his head.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Sorry that I'm delaying these chapters so much, they're just the most important and I want to be sure they're ok. Hope you like it. This chapter was supposed to very long, but I cut it aand the next one will be something like part two. **

**I'm seriously bad at keeping characters in character, but still... I tried. ****Untill next time! Love ya.**

***By the way, Dickens himself confirms that. Recently started reading his genius "Bleak house" and he says that London's legal proceedings are very clumsy by the time, haha.**


	43. Reflections

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLIII.

Sharp pain passed through her in her attempts to swallow. Still, she did not look aside. She wanted to catch his eyes. Unfortunately, her blurred eyes weren't going to express how much she wanted him to be the one she fell in love with. At least one last time.

That last time when she hadn't the strength to speak, to tell him how she's not angry with him, how she does not regret anything. And it has become a privilege... to suffer for him. If that was the price to save him, from his madness.

She knew, this madness of his, it was curable. Every single change you want to make demands sacrifice. The bad thing about all good intentions is that their holder rarely fights to the end. No one is to blame, though. It is a fatiguing battle.

There are not many, having the courage to endure all of the pain. There are not many who are strong enough to carry the burden. People could barely fight the battles, living their own life. Because living a life is the hardest thing to do.

But carrying someone else's pain, that was divine. It is inhuman power indeed that makes the exception. Ravenna knew that power could only be love. Carrying someone else's pain, despite your own, was how she had imagined loving someone.

The highest, most important feeling of all. Love was the best cause, it has always been. That's why Ravenna was happy. Her heart was driven by love. She believed the sacrifice she was willingly making to be so painful with only one reason - it was going to change.

And that meant that it was all worth it. And she did not care what evil was trying to destroy her. Memories, loss or malice... nothing had any superiority over her conviction. Her mind was clear. And her spirit - as light as a feather.

"Undertaker" She repeated silently, one with the screaming wind. "Don't... don't be like him."

The deadly blow he planned to make suddenly seemed to have disappeared from his intentions. He dropped his death-scythe on the stone floor. His eyes were wide in shock, he moved them away, stepping off Teryx slowly. He snapped as if awaken from a dream.

But still didn't meet her eyes.

He refused to accept her presence there, intentionally ignoring it. She didn't blame him, her dying and weak body was not how she wanted him to remember her. Not how she wanted him to picture her in his memories.

If she could scream, she wouldn't have spared her voice to warn Undertaker that in his moment of confusion his father grabbed his rapier, raising his hand in murderous rage. But fighting the drowsiness caused by her blood loss was no longer within her power and she closed eyes, falling into slumber.

A groan pierced the air.

"What?" Teryx fell back down, blood was pouring from his deep cut and staining his shirt. His wide open eyes were full of question. "You... Why?"

Lilith was standing over him, a vile smile twisting her features. She looked down to him as if he was an unusual obstacle on her path, quite useless waste.

"Because I don't like you." She chuckled and turned around, keeping her eyes on Undertaker for a second.

His eyes fixed on her, then on the approaching figure behind her, even more surprised than before.

" You see..." She made pause and dropped his rapier, covered in his own blood, while Sebastian's footsteps were the only sound in the church. " If you create immortal life, you will make humans immortal. And then, my dear, we, poor demons, will starve to death."

" Undying humans means no souls for us." Sebastian stopped right next to Undertaker and fixed his tie.

"How long did you wait... for this moment?" Teryx asked her, his voice soaking with disappointment.

"Hmm..." Lilith thought for a second. "Long enough."

Undertaker, on the other side, had strained every nerve on his body. He didn't expect Lilith to kill her own master. His eyes, previously fixed on her, now shifted sharply to Sebastian. Then to his death-scythe.

"I made a deal. To help her. In exchange she promised to eliminate Teryx Cron." Sebastian explained, addressing Undertaker. "Forgive my mistrust in your... killer instinct. If you have any."

Undertaker couldn't believe it. He hadn't noticed Sebastian freeing Lilith, he didn't remember hearing her scream. The silver was supposed to cause her immense pain.

" I will suggest staying still... shinigami." Lilith caught his thoughts and stepped away from Teryx who was choking and coughing blood.

She went to Sebastian and kissed him briefly, before heading to the entrance slowly.

"Thank you, love. Hope we meet again someday." She chimed.

"Don't thank me. I'm just one... hell of a butler." Sebastian simpered, watching how she leaves. " And Lilith..."

" What, dear?" She faced him.

" Don't come around anymore, will you?"

" There's nothing left for me here, Sebastian. What would I possibly find here that will make me stay?" She sent him a playful answer and laughed, disappearing.

"I believe my work here is done. Hope you aren't on intimate terms with this thing. It would be too bad." Sebastian concluded with a smile, receiving Undertaker's gaze upon him. Ashen, though still threatening with its striking emptiness. Sebastian quickly decided to withdraw, his smile faded.

"Well, I shall return to my master... if you don't mind." Sebastian checked the time with a bit of worry. "I'm getting a bit late with the afternoon tea."

And so he left, his quiet steps lost in the unceasing lament of the wind.

* * *

Undertaker narrowed eyes by the sight of his father. He stepped closer to him, but his father shrunk, trying to crawl away.

His pity outweighed his repulsion and he kneeled, leveling with his eyes.

" What do you want?" Teryx snapped.

" Nothing, father" Undertaker smiled to him faintly. "I won't take anything away from you."

Undertaker touched the blood, coloring the snow in scarlet.

"You've always thought you know everything about life and death, you know."

"Get away from me." Teryx coughed.

"I didn't. That led us into things we both know weren't what we wanted. All I ever received in my attempts to recreate life was disappointment." Undertaker paused. "It was all one great aberration, a delusion."

" Why... are you telling me this? To win my sympathy... seconds before I die?" Teryx yelled to him.

"I wanted to tell you that I found forgiveness, father." Undertaker's voice grew quieter. " Can you imagine that? I found kindness and compassion, despite my monstrosity."

" Should I be proud of you?" Teryx asked him angrily.

" Thank you, father." Undertaker stood up slowly. " For showing me where I was wrong."

His father narrowed eyes, looking at him in a few long, silent seconds.

"You weren't going to kill me." He finally spoke, his voice was weaker and hoarse. "An extraordinary one... you've found yourself. You stole her from me."

" Stole her from you?" Undertaker exhaled in disbelief. "You were destroying her."

" I was saving the whole world. There wasn't going to be death anymore! Don't tell me you don't want that."

"Your world, not mine." Undertaker's eyes averted from him in fear that his anger was going to silence his thoughts.

"Son. Look at me." Teryx entreated.

"She is the key to curing everyone. Look at her, she is the only antidote to all diseases on Earth...

"She's my... antidote." Undertaker cut him off firmly. "I need her."

"... people won't die! And shinigami... wont suffer anymore." Teryx continued, coughing heavily blood, pretending not to notice Undertaker's remark. "They'll live... peacefully. What's so wrong with that?"

" Death is not a sickness, father. It is freedom. You don't seem to understand that." Undertaker looked down to his father's weak body. "How are you supposed to value something if you already have it? Death exists so the gift of life can be valued."

" You're... wrong. You can't deny the pain and hatred in your heart. You will always want immortality... and you'll regret not helping me... when you had the chance. Remember that."

Teryx laid back and his angry, troubled eyes finally froze in a lifeless stare, somewhere up, through the missing vault and into the infinite, grey sky.

"No. You are wrong. " Undertaker said, although his father couldn't hear him anymore. "My heart is filled with something else now."

How strange that moment was and simultaneously sad. He sighed.

No more.

He needed to forgive his father. And he did. That's what mattered for him.

He was going to kill him, that was the truth. Sick of looking at this man, unfortunately, he was resembling him physically too much. He'd always despised that.

It felt like his own dark side was following him all this time. What choice did he have except to destroy him? He had to destroy him. Only... he didn't know how. It turned out that he did not know how to destroy it, that was the problem.

Then someone finally came and showed him. It was not the easy way, but the right one.

Undertaker turned to Ravenna, whose weak body looked lifeless. Her skin had the nuance of blue. The snow was falling onto her motionless figure. Silently. She was beautiful beyond measure, it seemed like she was asleep and nothing was disturbing her anymore.

But, for the first time, Undertaker saw no beauty in that.

He felt awful, finally understanding his own insanity.

Now death has never been so unwanted by him. This life was precious, it was to be preserved, fully and with gratitude, it was to be lived. What did it meant for him by now? Nothing, was the answer, as painfully as that was to admit.

Undertaker thought he knew sorrow. He thought he knew pain and loss. And there he was, standing in the silence, feeling like shattered glass. It hurt so much, he saw the destruction all around him, once again. The one he brought.

When did he become so dependent? This weak figure, whose life was fading away in front of his very eyes, it was just like his own body has grown cold, it was his body that was broken and lifeless. Her torn white dress was barely covering her wounds. Just like his scarred body failed to cover his lost, despairing soul.

It was his reflection he was looking at. He realized it just now.

If there was meaning in life, Ravenna gave it to him. And he had to do his best to show her that he'd understood. He had to save her for she was his redemption.

But... Was it possible at this point? To save her.

Undertaker neared Ravenna quickly. His eyes ran through Ravenna's wounds. He hastened to untie the white cord around her hands and legs, freeing them.

She was hardly breathing, but luckily still had a pulse. He lifted her off the stone and carried her out of the church.

"Breathe... don't stop breathing." Undertaker was whispering, holding Ravenna tightly.

He wasn't moving as fast as he wanted through the snow. The storm was merciless and raw and the sky was darkening. The day was leaving fast and it was getting harder to walk.

"Stay alive, Ravenna." The words were escaping his mouth, his eyes feverishly switching from Ravenna to the city and back to her. She, too close to him to accept that he might lose her and the city, too far from them to let himself hope.

Still, he kept his eyes on the lights with faith. The lights of the city, they were shining softly in the distance with warm and welcoming light, like small candles whose light was wondrously not suppressed even by the strongest blow of the wind.

* * *

**Thank you for patiently waiting for me to update and reading! It means a lot. I hope you like it!**

**I thought that Ravenna and Teryx Cron would make great images of Undertaker's two parts. Good and evil. Of course, following the classical plot, the good needs to be sacrificed. Who wins depends on me, haha. So, please don't die of boredom until my next update. Undertaker's currently busy and has no time for your funeral.**

**P.S. Sebastian's joke, though. It never gets old. **


	44. Sandglass

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLIV.

She walked slowly through the corridor. Ornate interior was surrounding her from every side. Surrounded by antique furniture, old chandeliers and incrusted cabinets, Ravenna was in deep confusion.

What was that place? She didn't remember how she got there or how long did she walk through this corridor. The feeling was of being there was strange, some kind of spiritual floating. A calm flight, weightlessness.

Noticing a looking glass along her way, Ravenna stepped in front of it.

A magnificent white gown was covering her body. White lace was wrapping her neck in a high collar and pearls, hundreds of pearls sewed in the interweaving ivory and blush silk layers.

The dress was flared down the waist and long on the back. Ravenna turned around slowly. The lace was actually starting from her neck and from the upper back was falling freely like a thin veil. The matter was so long that it was trailing at least three feet behind her.

She hadn't seen more beautiful and light fabric as the one, touching gently her skin now. Ravenna turned her head back to the mirror, suddenly remembering something. Her skin was too perfect. That wasn't... right. There was something about it... She wrinkled.

She was supposed to remember, but her mind was clear as if nothing happened. She knew something happened. A flash of something... important. What was it?

Lily of the valley crown was standing on her deep violet hair. It was as if it was covered with dew-drops, glittering to the light as she inclined her head to examine the reflection in front of her.

This outfit was impossible. How did she end up with this? It terribly reminded a... bridal dress.

"Raven?"

Ravenna gasped at the sound of this voice, raising her head sharply, trying to locate where it came from. It was from far, quite muted. She ran to the end of the corridor and past the door there, founding herself in an empty, spacious room.

There was a small doll on one of the screens, scattered puzzle peaces on the floor. She heard distant laughter, boyish laughter. She knew these voices. A girl scream followed, as if from irritation. Ravenna recalled a memory. Her brothers, they were teasing her.

She hastened to the next door, forcing herself to ignore her memories.

This time a fireplace. Her mother's laughter was quietly ringing in the air around her. She would've gladly stayed in one of the rooms, but her father's voice was still far, too far.

"Raven, dear..."

"Father!" Ravenna shout desperately, not as loud as she wanted. A lump in her throat was raising and her breathing was torn.

Damn these rooms and corridors, they were so many. Different moments from her life. She went through countless of them, trying not to let herself be stopped by anything. There were many doors and many ways, but she kept following the voice she heard.

At last, she reached a small and empty lobby with a single door.

Ravenna heard her father's voice again, it was so close, surely coming from the other side of the door. She ran happily and tried to open it, but... it didn't seem to sag under her forceful attempts to open it.

"Why are you here, my darling?" Her father's voice was so sorrowful that she froze in one place. Why wasn't he happy? He would've been so proud... she didn't understand the disappointment in his intonation.

"I don't know, father." Ravenna begged. "Please let me in!"

"You shouldn't be here, Raven." He demanded, repeating once again heavy with sadness. " You shouldn't be here."

"Why aren't you letting me in, dad?" Ravenna wanted to cry, but somehow she couldn't. " I want to be with you, I want to hug you..."  
She hit the door with her fist angrily.

" Is that so much to ask?"

" No, Raven. You will be with me, my dear, but it wont be now." His voice was soft.

" But when, father?" Ravenna whispered against the wooden door. " I... miss you so much, you know."

" I know, my dear. But you have to go back."

" I don't want to." Ravenna opposed instantly.

" Your life is not over... you have to remember." The voice became more and more distant. "It's somewhere in these rooms, find it."

" I can't... please. Don't leave me! Father, please don't leave me again." Ravenna whispered, though she wanted to scream. Her voice was failing her.

She opened her mouth, trying to call him, but no sound came out of her. She stepped backwards, feeling so lonely, as if nothing could erase that feeling, she felt what great part of her was taking the loneliness in her just now.

She didn't want it to be that way. Wasn't there a way to get this feeling away? She wanted to push it out of her body, to wrest it out of her chest.

In the silence of her thoughts she heard the rhythmical ticking of a clock. She chose to ignore her feelings at the moment, while making her way to this room, it was quiet and distant.

Ravenna slowly followed the sound, being at a loss, drawn by the its magnetic pulse. She had to find where it came from for the ticking was distracting her from her hopelessness.

It wasn't hard to find its source and soon she stepped in a room, whose four walls were fully covered in clocks of any kind. The noise was so persistent and metrical that it was sticking, resounding in her mind. Afraid that it was hypnotizing her, her eyes ran through the clocks, searching for a meaning.

Her vision was quickly blurring. What was so special about this room?

There was always something special, in every one of the rooms she entered. All the clocks looked alike to her, until she finally realized that her eyes were too busy examining the walls, instead of turning their attention on the centre of the room. So there was something special after all.

Her eyes fixed on the high pedestal in the centre of the room. A different kind of clock, an ancient one. It wasn't pulsing like the others, no... A sandglass, its crystal was cracked, but the sand was still falling in it, down and down. There were seconds, only a few seconds before the last particles of sand fall into the lower part of the sandglass.

Ravenna felt sick, the loud ticking was dazing her. With her last strength she stretched her hand and turned the hour-glass upside down. A crack was what she last heard.

* * *

"Stay down, darling! Stay down!" Grell pushed her back to the bed.

Ravenna had jumped out of her bed, literally moments after her eyes opened. Scenes from her dream flashed in her mind. She remembered the voice of her father and... rooms. There were clocks, clocks, so many clocks.

There was no time to waste. A life was running out, she had to turn the sandglass. She had to turn it upside down in order to make it start the counting anew. But... did she do it? She couldn't remember and that was maddening her. Did she succeed?

"Where is he?" Ravenna snapped loudly for a second time now, eyes fixed furiously on Grell, who was absolutely stunned by her sudden awakening. Before he could even try to calm her, she shot him for a third time with the same question. "Where is he?!"

"Ravenna, you have to understand-"

"Tell me where he is." She begged him quietly. "Please."

Grell was watching her without moving. Was she in her right senses? He wasn't sure. She stood in her torn white dress with disheveled hair, blue spot on her cheek, deep red marks around her wrists and ankles. The small wound at the base of her neck had formed a red circle and a long vertical gash was taking place on her left leg. Her eyes were sparkling, she didn't seem to feel how cold it was in the room, though the thin fabric on her was barely covering her body.

They were in the room which was given to Ravenna when she firstly came at the Department. It wasn't rich in furniture. The same bed, the small table across it and a cupboard, on which were Ravenna's upper dress and an old overcoat. The faint light from the big window was only enlarging the feeling of vacancy, physical matter wasn't dominating in this room.

"I don't know where he is. And you should really go back to bed." Grell said slowly, generally frightened of Ravenna.

"Oh my God. What if I am late?" Tears started falling from her eyes, she sat on the bed slowly and cupped her face in hands. "Oh, Grell. What am I supposed to do?"  
Grell went to the bed and sat beside her, wondering if she felt any pain at all. The wound on her leg was still open.

"Please, calm down." He hugged her. "You are scaring me, haven't seen even myself changing moods so fast."

"I don't know if he's dead or alive! I don't... Grell, I don't know!"

"We cannot do a thing about it. I'm sure he's alive, that bastard, and you should stop crying." Grell concluded after a short reflection.

"What if he... had killed himself?" Ravenna sobbed quietly, adding with a low voice as if in torture. "He has a death-scythe."

"Hmmm, he's not that stupid."

"You clearly don't know him." Ravenna faced Grell with something in her tone, almost an accusation.

"Do you?"

Ravenna swallowed and looked down for a few seconds of dreadful silence.

"He doesn't know what he's doing when he's upset." She exclaimed angrily.

Grell just remained silent and thoughtful for a moment.

"You slept a day and a half" He spoke again.

Ravenna met his eyes.

"How did I get here?"

"He doesn't know if you're alive too, you know." Grell smiled widely. " He carried you all the way to the Department and left. Weirdo."

Ravenna looked at him in silence.

"He had carried me miles from the church to the Department? In the storm? I thought you guys..."

" No." Grell shook his head, his eyes sparkling. "He brought you here on his own."

Ravenna bit her lip.

"Oh, goodness." She used the sheet on the bed to cover her face. "I must know if he's alive. I must know if he's breathing."

"I will understand if he wants to run away from me. After all I'm the reason for everything that happened. I was nothing but trouble for all of you."

" I have to disagree with you on that. You're the best thing ever happened to this Department and I know that William will confirm that."

Ravenna looked at a point in the floor intently, long after his last words and Grell wondered if she's alright.

"What happened in that church, Ravenna?" He inquired slowly. "Did his father do all that to you?"

" I... don't know. I lost consciousness right before..." Ravenna's voice was hollow, her eyes shifted to and fro, remembering the scenes once again.

" Did Undertaker kill him?" Grell continued.

Ravenna shook her head.

" I don't know, Grell. He was going to... I tried to stop him, because... I know he would hate himself for doing it after that. I don't know what happened."

"Why did he look so..." Grell started, but Ravenna's sharp turn to him ceased his thoughts. Her attention was fully upon him.

"So what?" She asked, her blurry dark blue eyes on him in hysterical expectation. " How did he look like?"

Grell frowned. She was... obsessed. He had seen similar behavior in addicts, neither time nor physical condition was able to stifle that need. She waited to hear his answer as if her life depended on that. Grell hesitated in saying out loud what he thought of saying.

" As if he has..." Grell folded hands in an obvious inconvience, Ravenna was penetrating through him with her eager gaze. "Given up."

Ravenna opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again. She moaned quietly as if the thoughts in her head were physically hurting her.

"I cannot stay here." She suddenly stood up, slightly limping and started putting her dress on.

"What? Wait, where are you going? Ravenna?" Grell was terrified. "You haven't restored your health! And your wounds aren't fully healed."

"I can't stay here, Grell." She was absently putting her clothes and soon she had her boots on too.

" What about that gaping wound on your leg? You're going to walk around with it?" He raised his voice.

"I'm going home." She replied quietly. " I need to go home."

" Wait for me to call a carriage then!"

" I can walk." Ravenna absently made her way out of the room and Grell caught up with her, gripping her elbow.

"You're insane! What the hell are you doing?"

Ravenna's face was as white as canvas. She looked him in the eyes with such helpless expression that he furrowed, releasing her hand.

"I am tired, Grell." She paused a bit. "Let me go home."

"If you plan on walking wounded through the streets of London, I'd be damned if I let you do it alone, dear!"

"I'll be fine." She gave him a faint, reassuring smile. "You don't have to worry."

Ravenna turned and walked away, leaving Grell in wonder. He didn't move, watching after her.

He was ready to do anything to help her and he meant it, but there was something about her expression that made him realize that the suffering, the one he knew perfectly well thanks to his years in meeting humans at their most crucial moments, had its darkest and deepest depths and he didn't believe that he'd see them. At least not into a pair of eyes who belonged, in fact, to a shinigami.

* * *

**So, I've been thinking about this story a lot and as much as I was hoping to end it soon, I got so much more ideas that it's getting kind of comical to see that there are actually 44 chapters and I still have what to write. I don't have the slightest idea if someone cares about that, but at least I feel joyful when I write. Hope that my story has that effect at least on someone, when reading it.**

**Thank you very much for reading! Hope you like it.**


	45. Graveyard

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLV.

_Fool. Bloody fool. Isn't that a niiice definition?_

Undertaker surrounded the graves with feverish haste, sometimes freezing and turning in completely other direction. He didn't seem to follow a pattern, but if someone had the casual possibility of observing him, he would resemble someone that is completely lost.

Not sure if he was searching for something in particular, his figure wandered aimlessly and still with some kind of reason. He didn't chase anything either. This time, something was chasing him.

_What a laughing stock..._

He felt as if something heavy was suffocating him.

Why was he doing that again? Ah, punishing himself, that's what. He came to the most silent place he knew.

The cemetery was indeed the quietest place on earth, neither wind nor any human voices disturbed the silence. It was a peaceful and cold scenery.

A vast white area, filled with old, mossy and overgrown gravestones, set up one beside another in unnecessarily pedantic order.

The light mist was darkening the mood even more in this place, soaked up with sadness and oblivion. The snow kept falling down with its painful indifference to anything and everyone around.

_What are ya going to do now, love_~?

Now? He didn't know. He wasn't sure. A metallic, matt luster attracted Undertaker's attention. The silver edge of the ancient weapon in his possession flashed in the corner of his eye.

_What a nice suggestion, dear!_

Was he over? With everything? This world was tiring. There was nothing it could give him anymore.

Hundreds of years. Damnation for a crime. Eternity for a servitude.

Death gods were supposed to suffer death endlessly. To feel it in their bones, to live with humans' sadness, to relive their fear, anger and pain as if its their own.

Perhaps... one long rest from all of this wouldn't be that bad. He wondered how would God's wrath fall upon him if he commits the crime he was punished, once again.

_Goodness, aren't ya a gettin' a bit boring? Where's the fun in killin' yourself without an audience? It won't be dramatic, ya know. _

Kill himself? It wasn't the same as he thought it like that, as he named it - it obtained material sense, it was a reality now.

_Screaming, shouting, I know you'd love to hear it. You could gut yourself at the very heart of London. What a sight would that be! Hehehe... _

Oh. No, no, no. Undertaker stopped and switched the direction he was headed. He turned backward with the same rapid gait. That wasn't... wasn't... what? There was something that stood in the way, between this twofold torture in his head.

_Paint the streets with your blood, let them all see you die._

An exception.

_Make your suffering a spectacle. It is your specialty, after all, turning death into a spectacle._

A diamond, he once called her. A rare diamond, whose safety was in his hands. What happened in the end? He proved to be incapable of keeping it safe.

Because he was too busy presuming that it belonged to him. But it was nice, deceiving himself in believing it to be the truth.

_Come ooon. Let go of these laughable feelings. Hehehe, feelings! It's better off without them and you know it! Weaknesses, weaknesses, they have become too many in ya head. _

Love is not a weakness.

Undertaker stopped short, surprised by his own thoughts.

What?

_Pathetic, brainless creature. Love? You are a psycho, heheheehe. You don't deserve love. Things like you must be extinguished._

Oh, yes. It hurt, but that was what he actually deserved. He came to this place on purpose. So he could hear it.

This voice. It was one, but many at the same time. The one that he tried to ignore and to fight. The one that was the strongest when he was all alone. _  
Look what you've done. Look at what you've done. Look at what you've done. Look at.._

"Shut up!" Undertaker yelled. "I know! I know ..."

_Sorry, I thought you're not hearin' me. It hurt me to think about it, ya know. A blind man is a pity, you have to agree. But a blind and a deaf man is absolutely useless, so to say, hehe_~.

Undertaker started walking again, aimlessly. He was sinking more and more. The intense cold was gripping his body and he just now realized that part of the pain he felt was because he was wandering through this graveyard for hours in the freezing weather.

Anyways, he wouldn't die of coldness. It was just going to hurt his skin and cause him just as much pain as to keep his mind clear. If that could be accomplished at all.

Undertaker stopped for a second.

There was a quarter with a couple of angel sculptures, carved out of stone on the graves. The figures were laying as if in a sleep, joined with the tombstones, steady and frozen. But they weren't scary in their stillness.

Just the opposite, their aura was emanating calmness and peace. The wings of the angel, closest to him, rest on its back and lend a divine tinge in the sleeping figure, half buried in the snow.

A sudden weakness struck Undertaker and he fell on his knees. He couldn't tell if the pain was physical or psychical, but it was becoming stronger. It was killing him.

_You and your clever whims. Sent her straight to heaven, ya did.__Hehe... With her thin, white dress. A veritable angel._

"I don't want to hear you." Undertaker whispered, shifting eyes away from the sleeping angel.

_Weeeell, not exactly. It was half-soaked with blood... Half-angel. In fact, do shinigami pay additional taxes to meet the Good Lord? Ya know, He's not very fond of them, commitin suicide and stuff_~.

"Please..."

_Ehh, can't be helped. Guess she's just burnin' somewhere... down. Who cares_~?

"Get away from me." He begged, enveloping his head with both hands. His mind was tearing him apart. He had to keep going. Stopping was going to destroy him.

He crawled a few feet forwards.

_The only place you can call home... is the dirt under yer feet. There isn't a mortuary fitting the likes of you... There isn't a place suitable enough for your death, right? _

_His Royal Highness... the master in the art of dying, aren't you?_

It was time to face the consequences.

" But she could be still alive..." He tried to move, crawling another step ahead. " Still alive."

_Eh? Alive?! _His mind resonated with laughter.

"_Like there has been somethin' alive after you. Hehehehehe, you're a mortician. What life are ya dreamin' of?_

_You cannot reach her. She is on the other side. Somewhere safe. Far away from you, hehe. _

_Where everyone should be. Until the end of times._

It's not something that would crush him. It has always been like that, everyone running away from him. He was fine with that. He even liked being alone.

_A white coffin would fit her perfectly, don't ya think? Her ivory hands, holding a bouquet of snow-white roses. Beautiful._

"No. No, not her. Just not her." Undertaker ripped the matter on his chest in despair.

_You are the mortician, there is no one else. You are going to be the one who buries her._

_"_Just not her." He breathed out, his body shivered at the thought of burying Ravenna. There was no way she could be dead. If she was... he needed his death scythe.

_Uhhh, I'm bored. Come on, ya're gettin' late._

Late? For what?

_You don't wanna miss the funeral. _

God, no. She had to live. It was his fault, his mistake cost a life.

_Oh, in fact you will. How sad, no one will be there to honor her. You'll be too dead for that. _

_At least there'll be someone to honor you, I'll be with you in your last moments... But you don't like that, do ya?_

Everything is over.

_Your life's not, hehe_~.

That's true. He should make sure it's over too.

_Admit it. You like it, don't ya? Destroying, ravaging everything in your way. _

He liked it. Before. But now... not now. He didn't want to destroy now, he wanted to create, to construct and save. Was that impossible for someone like him?

For someone who has spent most of his life in destroying. Was there hope for someone like him? Or forgiveness?

_"You cannot tell the difference between love and hate." Wasn't that it? "You've never filled your heart with anything." Sounds stupid, hehe._

_Untrue for sure. We both know she's dead wrong, oh yes. Remember all these bodies, with skin as white as porcelain and lips, pale as the moonlight. _

_Their still eyes penetrating right through your soul. You did love them._

"That wasn't me!" Undertaker shout and turned sharply as if the voice came from behind him. "That was you."

_You caressed their skin with such fondness. That was love and you can't deny it. _

"Get off my mind." Undertaker demanded in a fume. An invisible enemy was not something he knew how to overpower.

_Hmm, let's see._ _"You are a nonentity. I'll crush you like an insect. I'll carve your heart out and dismember you in tiny peaces, each buried in different places if you only dare to get near Ravenna without her permission."_

_Mmmm, we both know you badly wanted to realize that last part. Not really because of your white angel... You just didn't like his disgusting face, didn't you? _

_His flawless features were makin' you sick, you and your carved face were nothing like him. _

_Not to mention that he fancied yer angel very much... Oh, yes. You know what he had in mind, don't ya? Hehehehe... His eyes always scrutinizing her body in such a possessive way, I'm sure you've noticed._

_She might be alive, as you say... Thinking that you've killed yourself somewhere... And I wonder who would comfort her then, if ya know what I mean..._

"She won't... do such thing... she wouldn't..." Undertaker spoke angrily against the sodden ground, his fists clenched.

_Glacis would, hehe._

"She's mine!" He whispered, lips trembling.

_Ehhh, that's not quite true. After all, she has a choice. Between you and him, you are the insane one. I wouldn't pick ya... Anyway, you are capable of love and hate and your little angel is wrong._

_Let's not forget what you really are, dear. _

_A damned sadist, that's what you are, heehehehehehe_~_ It's alright, though! It's alright. Laughter is the best way to overcome pain, isn't that right? There's nothing wrong with laughter._

"Die... Die!" He shouted again, leaning forehead helplessly on the frozen ground.

_Why aren't ya laughing now, dear? You always do. You always do._

"No more."

_Go on and I'll consume you completely, then... I'll make one hell of a party, hehe._

A party? Sounds nice. He was sick of being sad and regretful to his core, it felt like downgrading.

_Yes, yes. It'd be so nice, you won't need worry about anything. I promise._

"You do?"

_Yes, of course. You just have to stop fighting me. Is it so bad that I'm asking you to stop fighting? I can make you happy. Do you remember that condition? _

"Happy? No... I don't."

_Good. Let's begin with... the preparations. You don't keep your guests waitin', do ya?_

Undertaker stood a few seconds without moving when suddenly opened his eyes and raised his head slowly.

"That's riiight~!" He giggled uncontrollably. "A dear guest of mine, she is. And she needs a lovely... lovely coffin."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! That chapter was... well, I'll leave to you the commentary. Hope you won't judge too harshly. **

**Have a great day!**


	46. Stitches

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLVI.

Ravenna faltered through the soggy snow of London's quiet alleys. Her eyes seemed to follow thoughts, invisible to the others because everything she did was walk absently, step after step.

Sometimes she tripped, her feet couldn't hold her upright and she hadn't the will to continue. But something made its way through her every time she felt the urge to drop on the ground, her wistful eyes became focused and lit up like, a spark of an ailing person who is just about to die.

Focusing, however, required all her strength. Focusing brought her back to reality and she forced herself to stay there, to step carefully, to be aware of the citizens walking around her, without having to run into someone and apologizing for her absence of mind afterwards. And of course, the physical pain in her body.

The reality was distracting in the way she needed at the moment.

The streets were covered in mud and snow and moving through all this was a downright challenge for the walkers. Here and there a carriage hurried in an unknown direction, carelessly spattering the passers-by with slush every time the wheels sunk into a random hollow on the road.

Laborers with tired faces and worn out clothes - the only people who Ravenna saw on her way - hastened to get to work in time.

Poverty. It was soaked up to the core of this city. Distinguished so clearly, like Melpomene and Thalia*****, London was divided in two - amusement and suffering. The aristocrats, whose wealth was mostly not theirs by right, had nothing important to do and spent their time in entertainment, gossips, and not so productive activities.

The same people who hastened through the streets with their fancy carriages, the curtains loose in order to prevent direct contact with the outside world, the one filled with suffering. The world behind their curtains was a tragedy.

The laborers, moving in ghastly silence as if they have conspired with one another, were the luckiest. They had a job, a grain of hope that they'll have a dinner tonight, if not for them, at least for their children.

The rest, hiding in the shadows, were left to the mercy of fate and they knew it was not in their favor. Ravenna walked up the Seymour Street, instead of continuing on the broad Oxford Street, tired of the annoying sound of rumbling wheels and soon it faded away.

Replaced by the quiet whispering, typical for the smaller streets, not that empty of presence. Hands spread to her in mournful entreaty, but she had nothing to give.

Beggars were the breathing part of London's streets and buildings and Ravenna lived not through a single day without helping one. Their misery was her misery and she knew that if she doesn't help, she wasn't going to be at peace.

The more so that her deep empathy didn't allow her to pass through these poor and hungry people carelessly. Now, Ravenna walked by them and shook her head, announcing with pain in her heart that she had nothing to give. It was the bare truth.

She had only her clothes on. It was the first time in her life, having nothing but her empty hands. The devastation inside showed her that there was nothing left in her. Empty of feelings, empty of tears, empty of any kind of determination.

Ravenna saw her place next to these people. But what was she supposed to beg for? Mercy?

Wasn't her family enough? Wasn't her suffering for them enough? Was it so wrong loving someone that everyone dear to her was taken away? Why? It was probably her fault... all of it.

All she wanted was an explanation. She looked up.

The weather was chilly and somehow languorous. The skies were dark and... silver though it has stopped snowing for a while. Ravenna shifted her gaze as if stung painfully and nearly tripped again, this time, a woman who happened to be nearby grabbed her harshly in order to help her not to fall.

"Watch your step!" The woman murmured with irritation.

"I'm very sorry." Ravenna responded instinctively and met the eyes of a rather old woman, seemingly poor, judging from her discolored dress and coat, once probably with the nuance of purple. A pair of angry light green eyes fixed on her for a second and then the woman turned away and continued in the opposite way.

Ravenna exhaled sharply.

Was she going insane? Or the whole world was against her.

Ravenna hastened to swallow back the lump in her throat and wrapped herself up, striding ahead.

Everything but him. Was that the explanation she received? You'll have everything but him.

Fine. Then she wanted to die. At least, she felt like it. Did she get what she wanted? No. She remained alive. What for?

What for?!

A fit of laughter at the far side of the streets ceased her thoughts and she raised her head to see a group of gentlemen, apparently just intending to enter the public institution, she didn't see what was the building representing. It seems they talked about something rather amusing.

Ravenna had no choice but to cross their way. Crossing without making an impression was practically impossible and she knew it. She was, after all, barely dressed and that coat was hardly covering her knees.

"Look at that, gentlemen! A fine bit of skirt." One of them announced, but Ravenna kept walking, eyes down.

"You haven't changed at all, Samuel." Another one intervened." Leave the girl alone."

"Would you like to come with me inside, love?" The first voice inquired alluring. "Of course, if you don't think that walking in with me would destroy your reputation."

Ringing laughter followed the striking jest and Ravenna stopped in place, her heart shrinking at another memory.

She turned to the men, but saw that they were almost in the building, except one of them, half turned to Ravenna. Meeting her eyes, he didn't seem to be in a hurry, because what he did next was nearing her slowly.

"Please excuse my brother, he has no manners." The man stepped to her with a half-smile and bowed slightly. "Do you need any help, miss?"

He seemed to belong to that same aristocracy she observed minutes ago. The same aristocracy that threw mud at the poor and helpless ones with their fancy carriages. His shirt was so faultlessly white and his tie so neatly tucked into the line of the collar that Ravenna felt a sudden urge to rip that matter, or... to make it dirty.

It was a cruel thought, but she still wanted to do it. Just because she was sure that this young man, as much as he was polite and nice now, was going to be corrupted. Sooner or later he was going to become ruthless and selfish. That was what money made out of humans.

"No... no." Ravenna shook her head.

"Are you sure, miss?" He offered again.

"I'm almost home. It's... three crossings away." Ravenna assured him. " Thank you, sir."

"Oh..." He replied with an obvious doubt that she had an actual home.

"Venille Estate." Ravenna snapped, loosening the anger she held by now. " But you and your uneducated brother probably haven't heard of it."

The man startled at her words.

"I'm sorry... There was no way we'd know..." He tried to apologize but was cut off her quickly.

"Oh, really? Because my clothes aren't as fancy as yours, right?" Ravenna scanned him from head to toe.

He remained silent, peering into her eyes that were now blurring.

"Thank you, sir." Ravenna's voice was hollow. "For offering me help. Have a great day."

She turned and didn't turn back, until reaching the estate.

* * *

Ravenna slammed the door and trembled. The air seemed even colder inside the house. It was more silent than ever.

She headed to the bathroom, filled a small washtub with boiling water and went to search for a needle in of the kitchen drawers, where her mother usually kept all the small things she thought could be easily lost.

Thread of catgut. She was relieved to find a bit, rolled in a small orb. This kind of thread was usually used in stitching wounds and despite she doubted having such thing in her house, the medical drawer of the family had everything she ever searched for. Unfortunately, there was no one to keep it abundant with basic things now. It was up to her since she was the only one left in this house.

Although her hands were shaking, she still managed to pass the thread through the eye of the needle and leave it in the boiling water for a while.

Ravenna tore the matter of the dress, where it was obstructing her view the wound. It wasn't as bad as she thought it was, but still it hurt quite a lot.

She dipped a clean clout into the water and passed through the cut, wincing. Once the mud was scrubbed out of her leg, she took the disinfected needle and leaned on the edge of the bathtub with a sigh.

Ravenna plunged the needle into her skin and the pain struck her sharply. The color of her face disappeared. She squeezed the needle harder, feeling that she'd follow the inner desire to wrest it out of her skin and put it back in the cupboard, where she found it.

But she clenched her teeth and pulled the thread sharply in anger. If he could endure the pain of hundred stitches, she had to endure not less. The pain was not going to stop her.

She kept with the interrupted seam, her skin was getting redder with every sharp movement of her steady hand.

He was pretending, that bastard. Pretending not to feel pain. It didn't matter how many stitches you have, every new one hurt as bad as the rest. He deceived her that it didn't hurt him when she sewed his skin. Instead, he was focused on her. He kept his eyes on her.

Ravenna smoothed back her hair, trying to get it off her eyes. She raised her head, her gaze narrowed at the scissor in front of the small mirror, on the other side of the bathroom.

Her hair had grown to her shoulders, she noticed that just now. Three months, the last thing she thought about was her hair. These bloody locks, she despised them anyway... Perhaps she had to cut everything, the only way that stupid violet color of her hair wasn't going to remind her of everything she wanted to forget.

Pain spared no one. She was sticking the needle in her skin fiercely, just like she did with his skin. She wanted to scream but instead, bit her lips to blood. It was the only way to punish herself. Grief was not an excuse to hurt someone. But it was, to hurt herself.

Teardrops fell down her cheek and on her dress. But she kept stitching, through blurred eyes.

It was all unfair. Unfair as hell. Who was he to seize her heart so lightly? She, the one who promised to herself to not love anyone. The one who saw the cuts on the throats of her brothers and the carved-up bodies of her mother and father.

The wound was sore due to her harsh sewing, but she was almost done anyways.

After filling the bathtub, she entered it, without taking off her dress and enveloped her legs. At least, the warm water relaxed her body from the coldness.

Her heart wasn't supposed to be seized so lightly. But maybe it wasn't up to her. She felt a closeness with a being who had been through the same amount of pain as her. Maybe trusting each other wasn't the right thing to do, after all.

Not sure if it was the same to both of them, but it wasn't just closeness, they were like two puzzle pieces, fitting perfectly and it hurt for her being apart from him. The thought of him dead was crushing and she didn't want to believe it.

She wondered where he is right now... Was he alone? Did he think about her, did he feel something at all...

Ravenna cupped her face in hands.

Oh, she wanted to see him so bad. She had so much to say and so much to show and couldn't care less if he loves her like she does. It didn't matter, all she wanted from him was to be safe.

Sure it hurt to think that he didn't care for her, but it was a possibility too. It was always hard to figure him out for her spoke rarely and almost never directly. But whatever he had in his mind, it didn't leave it.

And all that was left for her to do was wait. For she never claimed to be a saint, never thought she was righteous or deserved something better than the anyone else, but there was one virtue she knew she was blessed with and that was patience.

She was going to wait until the end of times. Even if their end came with the one whom she waited.

* * *

***_Ancient Greek Muses of Tragedy and Comedy_**

**Thank you for reading, once again! Hope you like it.**


	47. Blizzard

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLVII.

Glacis could feel the chill on his skin when entering the, at first sight, empty mansion.

He hurried to close the door behind him and cleaned the snow off his suit. The lobby looked as if abandoned years ago. There hadn't been a fire burning in that fireplace for weeks. Layers of dust covered the exquisite black stone with white veins and all its golden details, the handles and the big, silver candlestick on a knitted dirty white mat.

All the portraits hanging over it had seemed dingy and the floral ornamented frames were dark. The completely standstill crystal chandelier, contrasting to the windy blizzard, added a museum-like atmosphere.

Glacis felt slightly uncomfortable, entering the house with no permission, but someone had to warn her. Grell was busy these days, promising to visit Ravenna tomorrow. Someone had to visit her every day. To make sure she's still breathing. Besides, there was another reason he had to visit her.

"Ravenna?" He shouted, climbing slowly the unclean stairs, some of which creaked rather intimidating under his feet.

"Ravenna, answer me." He tried again.

Upstairs, another intermediate space shared the many possible ways, leading to at least five other rooms. It could be difficult and confusing to orientate if it weren't the obvious signs of presence in only one room, to his right. Her room, unlike the others on the storey, was opened. The door was ajar.

Glacis entered with intentionally louder steps, careful not to scare her and headed straight to Ravenna's bedside cabinet.

He stopped then, pulling an envelope out of his suit.

"You have a letter from someone. Millenia Shone." Glacis shared, placing it on the cabinet, on the pile of books. "It came with the courier, responsible for the pressing messages."

The wind lashed loudly for a second and Glacis involuntarily trembled. There was no forecast of the storm to calm down, he thought.

Ravenna's room was quite small. All the place it had was taken up with a small desk, an imposingly detailed wooden bookcase behind it and an old clock, whose ticking was irritatingly even.

"What do you want?" Ravenna broke the silence.

Glacis inclined his head, feeling sorry for her. Her whole body was shaking because she refused to wrap herself with anything else than she already had - think blanket from her bed. She denied any possible contact with everyone she knew.

The only thing that existed in her world was that white-framed window, in front of which she sat, in a rather uncomfortable wooden chair. Her gaze was constantly directed somewhere through this, strangely distinguished by everything else, perfectly clean windowpane.

"You have left the front door open." Glacis neared, stopping a few steps behind her.

"Yes. What of it?"

"What of it?" He repeated in disbelief. "It's not safe as a start. Secondly-"

"Safe?" Ravenna wondered out loud.

Her intonation made it clear enough for him that she was making fun of him. And she was going to do it with everything he says. The last days she used that tactic to break off serious conversations.

"Are you... feeling better?" Glacis' heart was shrinking just by the sight of her, on the edge of her physical strength. He admired her fortitude, but the reason she caused all this to herself was the worst possible. He furrowed.

Her body was shaking with quiet laughter.

Suddenly she stood up and turned to him slowly, a smile of pity has curved her cracked lips, the lack of light was making her eyes beady and black like ink.

He saw the violet circles around her eyes. She didn't sleep either.

"What do you want to hear?" She asked evenly.

"The truth." Glacis replied angrily. "You shouldn't... be here. I know you agree with me somewhere deep down. You need to get out of this hole. It's killing you."

" Oh, shut up." She snapped and surprised him a bit. " Who are you to come into my house and tell me what's right and what's wrong?"

" I'm trying to help you." Glacis stated reasonably. "Thank you for at least hearing my words..."

" Can you imagine... spending ten years like that, Glacis?" Ravenna's tone was calm again.

" What?" He was confused by the sudden change of the subject.

" Sitting... in the darkness. All alone." Ravenna continued quieter.

"I-"

"Twenty years? Hundred? No?" She asked in one tone, watching Glacis intently." Of course, you don't. I know only one that knows."

" Do you sometimes wonder... what is like?" She whispered. "Nobody deserves that."

Glacis exhaled with exasperation.

" Get him out of your head once and for all." He demanded.

"Can you carve your heart out and go on living?" She inquired with sadness.

"Are you sure this is not just an idea?"

"An idea?"

"Yes, an idea. You don't understand him. What if he's actually right and his influence is only negative."

"What do you imply, Glacis?"

"That..." He paused, looking aside for a moment. "You know these flashing thoughts we have sometimes when we want to make someone suffer ... to death. When we want to see someone hurt. Unintentional thoughts that make us feel bad afterwards, because we hadn't meant them and we know we'd never do them for real.

"Well?"

" I think Undertaker has crossed that border." He looked back at her. "Ravenna..."

" You thinks he hurts people and doesn't care about it?"

" No. I think he's not aware of it."

" You are thinking wrong" Ravenna replied to him sharply.

"And you never think rationally! For goodness sake Ravenna, you're blind!"

"And you are a man." She countered him emotionlessly. " You're so very insightful with people's feelings."

"I'm the only one who thinks straight in this situation." Glacis cut her off.

"I don't need you to save me, Glacis. I have made my decision. I have chosen to be in this... hole, as you named it. I have to be down... at the very bottom..." Ravenna tried to find words, her eyes lit up. "How else would I understand him?"

"You are absurd. Absolutely absurd." He sneered.

"What if you don't have the strength to help? What happens then? You'll die trying?" Glacis made a step to her and added quietly. " When will you stop sacrificing yourself?"

"This is different..." Ravenna started, but exhaled with difficulty." I'm so sorry, Glacis. I couldn't give what you hoped I'd give you. I'm not sure I can explain it to you. I feel like... I'm the only one that... cares about him."

Glacis heard her voice crack.

"He has no one." He could barely hear her voice. " And that is... destroying me. I cannot stand not... alleviate it with everything I can. It's just how I am."

She inclined her head in an apologetic grimace.

"I know my words are hurting you, but I cannot go against myself."

"Ravenna." Glacis spread his hand to her. " I'm begging you... Come with me. You have no place in this madness."

" Oh, no." She shook her head. "I'm glad I found it. Here is exactly where I have to be."

" He doesn't care about you" Glacis demanded. "... and your compassion! Get that in your head already. Five days, Ravenna! Five days you're sitting here without eating, sleeping or doing anything else than waiting. Staring through that bloody window, waiting for that god damned lunatic to show up. You are out of your mind. I thought you saw through him clearly enough. There is nothing humane left in him." Glacis stopped to take a breath, failing to contain his anger.

"There are two reasons..." He continued, now evenly. "he's not coming."

"Leave my house." Ravenna pointed at the door. "I don't want to hear you."

"Either he doesn't care for you."

"Get away from here." She ordered.

"Or he's dead. How long do you plan to wait?"

Ravenna took a book from the nearest shelf and stepped to the clock, before clashing the book into the round glass. The whole face tore apart and only the wooden frame remained whole.

Glacis stared at her for a while. There was no convincing with Ravenna. He knew that, from their very first conversation. Then his hand dropped and he turned his back on her.

"Alright. It's your choice. You're just as mad as him."

" Go back to your friends and family, Glacis. Please, be happy. Do it for me." Ravenna entreated.

" How can I be happy when you're here, waiting in the dark? Waiting for a shadow. A ghost."

" I don't know, Glacis. There is someone for you. I know there is, someone better than me. You have to reconcile with it."

" Don't ask me for help later, then. I can't reconcile with you if you don't accept my absence."

" Are you leaving London?" Ravenna inquired, trying not to think how much she was hurting him.

" For a while." Glacis put his hands in his pockets. "I'll be back, though. Can't leave Kiara here all alone."

Ravenna nodded.

"Of course." She paused and looked him in the eyes. "I'm glad we part peacefully."

" You can't change people when they deliberately want to be something... I hope you haven't pledged your heart to a helpless cause."

Glacis left the room quietly and deathlike silence spread through the room. The shattered glass of the old clock was scattered on the floor chaotically. The ticking had completely stopped and it felt strangely peaceful, although the clock itself looked sinister in the half darkness of the room. One could distinguish the glass pieces only by the reflections they were casting. The only source of light was the window. Weak, ghastly light. Lonely light.

One could distinguish the glass pieces only by the reflections they were casting. The only source of light was the window.

Ravenna shuddered.

She shifted back to her chair and wrapped herself in the blanket.

It was snowing again, steel clouds were hanging over London. Her eyes followed Glacis' figure slowly making its way out of the courtyard and past the iron fence. The whole city was covered in deep snow.

Was she making a mistake?

As beautiful as it was from her far point of view, it actually was cold and unwelcoming. There were mud and slush everywhere on the deserted roadways. The buildings looked grey and gloomy, no movement could be noticed behind the dropped curtains.

Yet, there was a tincture of magical presence in this city. Everything slept under pure white crystals. The snowflakes enveloped the still trees with white gowns and their branches illuminated by the newly enflamed street lanterns.

Their golden flickering was casting an illusionary soft light on the snowy path, making it festive and somehow enchanting. These fascinatingly dressed trees, arranged in a perfect row resembled so many ballerinas, ready to dance and it almost allured Ravenna to go out and join them.

But she had no melody, no rhythm, and her clothes were torn. Not these things, however, stopped her from dancing. She just felt empty. Whatever she had desired or wanted previously, now seemed to be useless and pointless. It seemed to be just vanity of her mind.

The more she desired, the deeper she felt the emptiness inside her. Hours and hours passed by her and she didn't care what day it was, what part of the day it was or what her body needed for all she felt was the ache of her heart. And neither day nor night could help her feel better.

What of it? What if she didn't belong there? At the side of the free ones, the ones who danced with no reason. The ones whose melody was the wind and whose inspiration were the cold stings of the snowflakes on their skin.

She had the right to step up and go. Beyond everything she knew. It was terrifying and exciting at the same time. Without the pain, she wouldn't have understood the grace all around her, the elegant dance of the snowflakes, the soft illumination of the lanterns. Pain cleared her view.

Oh, yes. Ravenna knew that choice would sooner or later catch up with her. But this time, she was sure what to choose.

There was no coldness in that scenery in front of her. She saw no death, no suffering, not a sound. Beauty was all she saw in that stillness of a fading day. Its appreciation was her choice.

It almost brought a smile on her face. But instead... her breath ceased.

She stood up from her chair sharply and the blanket fell off her shoulders. Her tired eyes now fixed lively on a point in the distance beyond her window. A lonely figure, outlined against the faultless white canvas, painted with divinity unreachable for a human. A traveler who seemed to follow unwillingly a direction he had chosen himself.

A wandering soul dressed in black.

Ravenna almost forgot to take a breath, peering with her whole being into that familiarly lost man. Only now, he was carrying a death scythe.

* * *

**Guuuys, thank you so much for following, favouriting and reading, I love you so much! **

**Firstly, I'm sorry for making you wait so long, it's probably going to be like that with the next chapter too, because I have lots of work to do and sadly no time to update. Not that I don't wanna... I'll keep it up as I can.**

**Secondly, remember when I said "it's a love story, not a war story"? Weell, I might've mixed these two up. A bit. **

**Enjoy. Or don't. As you wish. ****I love you anyways.**


	48. Madness

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLVIII.

A single candle was burning on the desk in her room, enough to lighten the gloomy part of the vast and empty space.

She wished to hear the ticking of the clock, but it was painfully quiet in the house. The storm seemed to get worse outside, but the wind clashed forcefully into the walls in vain. The sound came hollow to her and she felt as if isolated on an island. But instead of feeling safe, her stomach was shrinking with uneasiness for it was always the quietest in the eye of the storm.

She stepped on the blanket she previously covered herself with and absently crossed the distance through the room, slowly coming down the stairs in wonder. So he was alive... her troubled mind eased for a moment. At least he was breathing.

But why would he decide to show now? It was somehow... late. What happened to him in these days, the days she waited with an aching heart for him? Was he in the same torture she was or... she wasn't in his thoughts anymore?

The cold air made her skin prickle unpleasantly. A question was ringing in her mind and in vain she tried to ignore it.

_Why is that death-scythe in his hands if he comes to you? _

"How very inconsiderate. Letting the door open." He grinned, looking up to her. "Don't they teach people to lock it before going to bed anymore?"

Ravenna stepped a stair down, then slowly another. She dared not speak, breathing shallow. Something was suffocating her and she couldn't tell exactly what. He wasn't the same. His eyes, they were not welcoming her, as before. They followed her predatory as she descended slowly and that felt awful.

It made her want to run, to hide. To lock herself. She wished to be as equally strong or as equally fast as him. But that was impossible. An unquestionable fact. He was her extreme opposite and that scared her so much.

"They do." She stopped at the first stair, trying to assimilate the view.

"Oh. Sorry, then." He slammed the door so harshly that it made her tremble. "And you are?"

Ravenna wrinkled.

" You don't... Undertaker. Please." She narrowed eyes, ignoring as much as possible his question that stung her unexpectedly. There was a problem, she knew it. Something about this wild look of his. "What is going on with you?"

" Things... Lots of things. Weird things." He recited lively. " But let's get down to business. I'm searching for a body."

" Undertaker, what are you talking about?" Ravenna felt her hands lightly shaking.

" Ah... Yes. Of a beautiful, beautiful girl. Ravenna. Have you seen her? I supposed it was logical to find her here."

" I'm.." Ravenna felt her throat tight and couldn't keep talking.

" What?" He waited for her to finish the sentence, demonstrating deep curiosity.

" I am Ravenna. Is it so hard to discern me in the dark?" She tried to sound calm, but her voice was failing her.

" You are not Ravenna. Ravenna is dead." He replied mechanically as if from a turned on defensive mechanism.

" Dead?" She stepped down on the floor and decided to near him slowly. "Who told you that?"

"Don't you dare." He warned, raising his death scythe against her at lightning speed.

His eyes lit up wildly. " You don't wanna play this game with me, dearie."

" I'm confused." Ravenna whispered, this time shakily. She inhaled and exhaled quickly. That blade was so close, that she could smell the metal. Under no circumstances, she was to give the rising fear within her away. It could be catastrophic. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

He swiped at her and she drew back, almost tripping up.

" Ravenna is dead." He stepped to her calmly, highly amused by the way she looked in panic at the wall behind her.

" You need to die." Then announced suddenly as if he recalled an order.

"What? But why?" Ravenna enveloped herself with hands. The wall behind her was ice cold. Well... there was nothing she could do, wasn't it? Dying here was an irony of fate, though. The same room she saw him firstly. It wouldn't be that bad if he was the last thing she sees.

He stopped for a second, thinking.

" I don't like you. "

Dear God.

"And why is that?" Ravenna came off the wall in a sudden fit of anger. Killing her was one thing, offending her - another.

" You're too..." He narrowed eyes as if somehow angry to himself, continuing quietly. " I'm getting old, forgetting words and-

"Alive?" Ravenna took up, mockingly. " I'm too alive for you? Am I not to your taste?"

Attack. Now was the time to attack him. Now or never. The attack was the best defense and she prayed it'd work for her. It was worth a try.

She had only one shot. There was only one thing Ravenna had in mind. Her last chance.

What if she decided to change his focus point... on her? Completely and fully on her.

In the worst case, she would end up... dead.

"You're just a ghost. Where is her body?" He averted eyes as if it was painful to watch her.

A realization struck Ravenna at the same moment. How many times did his mind torture him with visions of her? Must have been quite a lot. He denied her existence with such certainty. Yet... he was speaking with her. What was going on in his head?

"There isn't any body. I am here. And not dead..." If she wasn't in shock, she'd probably faint. Her heart was beating so fast and the blood was pumping so vigorously in her veins that her thoughts were felt clouded and she could hardly gather them together.

"Look at me!" She ordered him firmly, trying to act as cogently as she could. "You will look at me and you will listen to my words."

He stepped back hesitatingly and she used that moment.

"You're not yourself." Ravenna mirrored, stepping towards him.

" Not myself?" He laughed, raising the intonation. His eyes turned back on her. "He was too weak to deal with anything. So are you."

He tried to halve her, but she had already evaded, finding herself on the stairs. Smiling to her persistence, he drove his scythe in the stairs, crashing them inches away from Ravenna's feet.

"This is not him. This is not him." Ravenna moved her lips silently, shaking again, trying to remind herself that there surely existed a logical reason for him to be like that. Perhaps she'd never know, but it was encouraging when things had their explanation. Just... Undertaker never had an explanation.

"What's with that look, love?" He sniggered at her shrunk figure and prepared to strike on her again.

" Don't you dare underestimating me!" She screamed, nailing him in place.

Ravenna didn't let any tear fall down her face, this time, wiping her eyes with what was left of her white gown. "I'm many things, but not weak."

"I'm not-" He stared at her, confused by the way she suddenly raised her voice.

" Nobody seems to understand..." She narrowed eyes, filled with some strange tiredness she felt just now. Tiredness that felt like sinking into deep water. She continued in a hollow voice. " The choice... I have made."

"I'm not a fool. I know what I'm doing, for goodness sake..." She choked, standing up.

It took her a few seconds to be able to talk again, looking into the pair of emerald circles fixed on her, imperturbable and impartial, the eyes of a judge. Surely he saved this look for the dying ones, she thought, the ones he wasn't going to forget and whose souls would stain like blood on his hands.

"The fact that I've chosen to act like I care, to be kind... and good. Do you think that doesn't cost me anything?! Do you think that's easy? I don't act like that because I'm weak or I'm born good! I struggle to be kind. And you know what? I'm stronger than you! Because I fight that madness... "

"We all have it, it's not just you." She knew tears were streaming down her face, but continued, still.

"So stop it... and fight. I cannot fight instead of you."

Ravenna reached slowly for his wrist and he shuddered by her touch. She shakily lowered it, until he dropped the death-scythe and it disappeared.

"Do you understand now? I'm flesh and blood. Alive." She stepped down, as close as she could be to him.

In one long moment, filled only with the blowing of the wind outside these walls, parting them with the outside world, they stood, frozen in time.

What a majestic sight Undertaker was, she was left breathless not for the first time.

His silver hair slid down in a sharp contrast with his funereal clothing, tightly covering most of his skin. Quickly reminding herself of the reason, her eyes came back up to meet his. His features, as if carved from a stone, frightened. Yes, they did. Because that scar on his face was a warning. She missed to see a warning, though, she saw pain. And in the pain, beauty. Did the desire to help led her to a mistake? Was she crazy to fall for the craziest one? Probably.

"I ran out of ideas." He shrugged with a smile, but surprisingly for her his light green irises were now slightly dim. " How to fight it."

"You? Out of ideas?" Ravenna narrowed eyes, letting out a shattered sigh. He came back to her. Partly. For now. The only problem was how to keep him that way.

" Yes. That eventually happens when you try to keep up the good jokes for a couple of decades now."

" What if I decide to exclude the humor? What is left of you then?"

" Nothing. Nothing worth your mercy. Ravenna." His expression withered, filled with a pain she couldn't bear to watch anymore.

"Oh, come here... I'm sick of your frantic behavior." Ravenna grabbed his hand angrily and led him up the stairs. "I've had enough."

"What are you doing?" He asked, following her movements with indifference.

Ravenna dragged him up the stairs and soon into her room, after finally releasing him.

She felt that the question had a different meaning, it surely had. Border words that demanded an answer. _Is that what you choose? _He asked.

She caught his eyes for a second, before shifting down hers where her shaking hands started unbuttoning his robe.

"Getting off you these clothes. They're dirty." She decided to play with the same ambiguity.

" Really?" He sneered at her. "Intriguing choice of words."

" Shut up." She silenced him with a kiss, salty from her tears and not as harsh as she wanted it to turn out. It felt like two thin glass surfaces had touched and the tinkle was extremely tender. There was no guessing with Undertaker, but Ravenna least expected such delicacy from him and that was like a wave of relief. She felt safe, finally being able to breathe freely, without feeling that emptiness in her chest.

" I just..." She breathed out. "I missed you so much."

" Missed me?" He asked in quiet wonder as if he'd heard this word for the first time.

Ravenna drew herself backward, enough to look at him with a haggard face. Has he ever been missed by someone? Has anyone told him that he's missed? Oh, dear.

" Oh, yes." She forced a smile, inclining her head a bit. " I waited for you, you know."

" But why?" He whispered against her lips. "Why couldn't you be like the others? Why didn't you run away?"

" I couldn't." She muttered, frowning. "I just couldn't. My heart stopped me."

The truth was different, though. He needed help. And there was nobody. Even if there was, she doubted there was something that could help him. The truth was that she was scared just as everyone else. But a flame, hidden underneath all the rational thoughts and worries, underneath all the unbearable truth, was burning, lightening her sight with hope. That flame was love, the unexplainable one, the one without a reason. It was a feeling making her feel alright. Like a breath of fresh air in that awful reality of hers.

" You are absolutely mad." Undertaker stated as if it was a fact no one dared to say out loud.

" If madness is what will keep me close to you, so be it." Ravenna shrugged in defeat.

Undertaker sighed and used his index to raise her chin up, caressing the pale skin.

Ravenna knew he felt the pulsing of her whole body and there was no need to say it out loud. Instead, a quiet gasp escaped her lips, not only her hands were ice cold.

" Does that mean you're mine?" He drew her close enough to whisper and smirked.

" Of course not." She cut him off in a strangled voice, emphasizing heavy accent and surely failing to hide how magnetic she felt the presence near her. His quiet laughter, ringing with sinister sharpness, affected her in a strangely hypnotizing way.

Ravenna found herself pinned to her own bed, thinking about how incredibly cold had been everything by now. The chilly air only increased the need of warmth she lacked for so long. Winter has always been her favorite season, but the desire of another one's warmth became utterly indispensable.

He shivered whenever her fingers caressed his skin at the beginning. She knew he would. He had constructed his mind in a way that excluded contact of any kind. A lone fortress, safe enough to last centuries. Centuries... not forever. Her touch seriously damaged his defenses.

"Goodness..." She furrowed then, using the brief moments in which Undertaker was unbuttoning his shirt in a terribly charming manner and keeping his mouth apart from hers. He reached for her desperately, as if she was the only source of oxygen and she gladly gave up anything she had.

"Is there actually a spot on your body that's fine?" On which she received his low chuckle.

"I'm afraid, no." His hands removed her white cloth and once free, they pulled her closer with impatience.

His hand traced the curve of her waist, down her hip and suddenly he stopped.

"What is it?" Ravenna wondered out loud, still not used to the foreign touch.

"Your skin." His voice was so low that she could sense the anger in it.

The focus point. Losing it would be dangerous. This game was like playing with fire.

"Isn't it fair for me to have one of these?" Ravenna inquired in a whisper. The stitch on her leg was still sore, but it didn't bother her until his hand traced it. It held too many awful memories. But it wasn't important right now, she was.

"I hate it." He spoke gravely and turned to unite his mouth with hers.

" It's fine now." Ravenna sighed, caressing his hair back. "Forget it."

" I don't forget."

She wasn't sure what to do with his light shuddering every time she reached for his skin. He didn't seem to get used to her touch and it troubled her.

"Do you mind me doing that?" Ravenna lifted herself a little, uniting their lips back together. She pulled him persistently down, her nails grazed the skin on his back.

"Oh, dear." He breathed out in her ear.

Ravenna laughed. Fortunately, she could keep his attention quite easily at her current state. Her fingers sank into his hair, brushing it backward slowly and she was rewarded with a deep sigh.

Ravenna was relieved that his trembling soon disappeared and was replaced by want. He developed some kind of grasping need of her touch and she wondered for a second if he happens to let his slightly sadistic inclinations free, was she going to be his experiment? How would he accept a denial from her? God help her, she had no power to deal with such madness.

In fact... she had. She was using it at the very moment. Loving him seemed to work against that madness. At least for now. Although she wasn't sure who was in whose control.

Ravenna remembered how Undertaker denied any form of attachment previously. It seems something in her had finally altered his will. The fact that she was stronger than his will meant he hadn't the strength to oppose her. And she loved that.

Not because of the control she could exert upon him but because he confirmed her power. He followed her where was unknown to him, on the soft side. In a haven where war didn't exist and where they could both rest together.

Her skin prickled with his cold touch and it's softness wrested out of him sighs in a rhythmical grace for her ears, just like tides. And her usually commanding voice was now melting with muffled moans, subduing tenderly his vigorous nature. She knew he needed her badly. She knew he needed someone badly, but the thought that it could be not her had upset her many times.

It all suddenly felt so vulnerable. No fake words, no clothes, nothing to protect herself with. She felt her heart like a flicker, whose light could be so easily blown away. However, she broke her barriers for an exception. An exception worth all the suffering.

Her weak body was writhing underneath his. She voluntarily pressed herself, colliding with his hard and rugged with stitches skin. Bending alongside him had her going through bittersweet sensations. In between them crawled the aching of her muscles, but Undertaker eased their tension . He slowly slid his hand down her nape, tracing the notches of her spine and lightly lifting her.

" It's not fair..." Ravenna exhaled in his ear, feeling pleasant shivers throughout her body.

"Oh?" He inquired playfully, kissing the base of her neck.

"Still not impressed." Ravenna drew in conclusion and chuckled quietly.

" I'd rather not... break you, dear."

" You won't scare me away." She assured him, lifting her hips in need of satisfying the unceasing cramping of her body. And the pain of another convulsion was something she'd go through a million times, just because she required to hear the outcome.

"Stop it." He begged in her ear, but not wanting to miss a chance, she heaved again, this time, slower, thrilling his sensitive senses.

" You..." Opposed he faintly once again.

She adored hearing him so powerless. A rarity, it was.

He licked the delicate skin she had exposed now at the next straining, caused by the rhythmical pressure of his body upon her and after he succeeded in drawing a deep sigh from her, she chuckled quietly.

"Your fault." He pushed her back down, uniting their tongues.

Ravenna started memorizing every line, curve, and spot on Undertaker's body as if he was a masterpiece. And she had the rare chance of examining it piece by piece. Sure he didn't like that inspection, she could feel it, but that was part of the deal. If he was going to derive such pleasure from her body, she knew he won't mind her enjoying him fully too, in exchange. For he was one of the most interesting pieces of art she had seen and touching his inhumanly marked, stitched and coarse skin was incredible.

She tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts her mind tormented her with. She tried to ignore the fact that these sutures, previously wounds, were an outcome of a desperation beyond her understanding. That's why she touched gently. Because he probably wasn't going to forgive himself for the things he had done, but it was up to her to show him that they weren't unforgivable.

She lifted her hips involuntary, straining her body to what seemed to be the maximum. Dull pain was lingering somewhere in between the pleasurable spasms in her abdomen, spreading like electric impulses through the nerves under her skin. The warmth of Undertaker's body was able to discard her worry and she let herself burn within it.

It was impossible for her to smother the gratitude her whole being wanted to express. Undertaker had her caught in a sweet torture, tearing her apart slowly. She could barely breathe, but there he was, maddening her with the fact that he was smiling. He was smiling with sincere satisfaction at her reactions to him, observing them most insolently.

"You bastard..." Ravenna murmured, but her accusation quickly faded away when a wave of pleasure dissolved her thoughts.

"Ravenna..." Echoed through her ears, one with the pulsing of her own blood. The distant moan that fondled her senses filled her with such joy. As if she switched places and now she was the one enjoying his weakness. Now he was in her power, subservient, and that amused her too much.

"_Oh_..." He continued helplessly, his nails sank forcefully into the white matter of the bed sheet. "Living flesh..." He marveled in some kind of deep acknowledgment, combined with gratification.

The intonation of this oddly rapacious remark made Ravenna shiver lightly, wrested out of her blissful sensation, whereas he chuckled hollowly. Did she really wanted to know what was beneath the layers of darkness? But it wasn't intimidating, just the opposite. And his laughter was... frail.

"Undertaker " Ravenna wrinkled, searching for his eyes.

And she found them, filled with tears.

" Oh, dear." She exclaimed in surprise, still breathing heavily. " Is everything alright?"

" Sorry. Yes." He smiled apologetically and slowly shifted next to her.

" What is it?" She didn't give up, following his eyes. His reaction was too wondrous not to.

"Nothing." He enveloped her waist and pulled her more forcefully than she expected, bending her figure alongside him.

She felt that well-known denial in his voice and didn't ask further, huddling herself in the calming warmth his skin radiated. How terribly needed was that warmth she realized just now. And it really bothered her that he didn't feel that same joy she felt. Did she fail to do it? To share that joy...

"I missed you too." She heard his whisper as he dragged her tenderly closer as if an apology for seconds ago, making her smile before closing eyes and finally relaxing within the long forgotten from her feeling of safety.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I need to say one big SORRY for making you wait for so long and I hope you will forgive me. I'm done with the awful exams and I can write this till the end now. Which is great.**

**I've been actually inspired by a certain song that I love very very very much, for this chapter. Kamelot's _My Therapy. _Feel free to hear it!**

**Thanks again and have a lovely day. **


	49. Cloudless

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji**

* * *

XLIX.

Ravenna's senses woke up to the blissful sound of Undertaker's calm breathing. God knows when was the last time he slept. A half-smile curved her lips.

Wind was still lashing outside, the air was chilly in the room and surely twice as nipping out in the now lively and snowy streets of London. The snow-carrying clouds were gone and it was clear, with unusual for this time of the year sunlight.

Shifting carefully away from him, she stepped quietly on the floor and grabbed one of her many dresses, neatly ordered in her closet, on the way to the bathroom.

She stopped at the door, though, to glance one more time at the bed and sigh in admiration and at the miraculous fact that Undertaker was actually sleeping in her bed.

* * *

"For goodness sake! Stop hurting yourself while I'm not around." Ravenna fumed at him and climbed on the bed. "Idiot."

Quarter an hour after leaving the room, Ravenna turned back to take a towel for her still a tad wet hair and found Undertaker sitting on the bed, almost fully dressed and with a needle in his hands. One of hers.

She sat in front of him and wrest the needle out of his hands, placing it on a safe distance.

"If your blood leaves a soil, you will do the washing of the sheets afterwards." She continued angrily, looking around for something to bind up his finger, but there was nothing nearby. Undertaker raised his eyes to her with an empty gaze, as if waiting for something to happen.

Ravenna sighed helplessly and looked up, giving him an awry expression.

"I'm almost sure you did this with no purpose." She wrinkled and licked the small droplet of blood on his finger.

Undertaker pulled her in his lap and leaned his forehead on her temple.

"I had to make sure I wasn't dreaming." He spoke in her ear and she faced him, her features now softer.

"You're not dreaming. I'm here." She purposely placed his hand on her waist, while she used hers to hug him. "You can feel me, I'm real."

"Ravenna, I'm so sorry-" He returned the gesture, but reached for her lips.

"Shhhh. Stop it." Ravenna insisted. "I don't want to hear."

"Let me explain." The green circles of his eyes were darker than she remembered. Was he alright? "I don't want you to feel used..."

Ravenna couldn't help but laugh.

" I don't feel used, but when you put it like that, my legs hurt a lot." She placed a palm on his forehead, using his utter confusion at this remark. "You're warm."

"I'm fine. Would you stop interrupting me?"  
"I hope you won't mind a few more marks on your back. You deserve them, though. for taking great pleasure in straining me." Ravenna bit her lip thoughtfully, busy admiring his molded body. The pale grey stitches enveloped his chest and shoulders, even his neck, just like chains.

"Ravenna." He snapped her examination with a rather intimidating intonation. "I haven't-"  
" Really now, I didn't expect you to be gentle." Ravenna thought out loud, putting a finger on her cheek. "Since you probably spent the last couple of decades all alone."

He was going to apostrophize, but she kept talking.

"Glad you came, though, one more day and I had to go and look for you by myself."

"And the weather was not in my favor." She furrowed, shifting her eyes to the window.

" I love you."

" But of course, I'd-" Ravenna froze.

Her attention focused slowly back on him.

"You'd what?" He grinned, inclining his head in an estimating gaze.

"I-I" She stammered.

"I thought of many amusing ways to make you stop talking for a moment, but I did not take a liking in any of them. " He smirked and tightened his grip around her.

"Uhh..." Ravenna was getting redder and redder. What was with him all of a sudden? Where did the reticence and coldness she loved by now go?

"It worked." He sighed triumphantly.

"What?" She inquired quietly.

He inclined to her, his expression suddenly heavy with pain, ready to retreat.

"I thought..." She looked down, stopping him from doing it.

"That I don't care about you?"

She met his eyes again, full of worry.

"There was no way I could know..." She shook her head slowly." You had left me in the Department without returning to find out if I'm alive or not."

"Yes... yes." Undertaker backed, pushing her slowly away, eyes shifting vividly too and fro. "Yes. I did, didn't I?

"Don't be like that. Please." Ravenna ignored his gestures and hugged him tightly, trying to keep herself close in fear that she'd lose his sanity along with his touch. "The truth is that I was going to wait, even if you didn't come."

She leaned back, giving a sorry look and leaned to kiss him.

"I didn't trust myself." He started laughing, but his eyes were twisting his words in a dreadful confession.

"But you still came. Because you need me. And I don't mind." She hurried to calm him with her lips. After making sure he wasn't going to fall into another mood, she drew back and exhaled slowly, smiling at his expression. A grimace of a child whose toy was taken away.

"How did you know I've been abducted in the first place?" Ravenna sat back on the sheets.

"A letter from your aunt." He started slowly, his words making her jump as if stung.

"What is it?" He asked, concerned by her horrified expression. "Are you alright

Ravenna's eyes were nailed on a single point, the bedside cabinet.

"Is that from Glacis?" He inquired dreary, after following her eyes to the unopened letter, laying on the books there.

"He brought it." Ravenna looked at him. " It's from my aunt. He said it came with the messenger responsible for the pressing messages. I..."

Her voice trailed away in an uprising pain.

"Tell me what happened." Undertaker offered. " And I'll do it too."

Ravenna enveloped her legs and sighed with difficulty.

"Your father came with Lilith on the next morning. She pierced uncle with her swords and he lost consciousness. Auntie had hidden somewhere and Lilith didn't find her. After that... Teryx bind me with that cord and took me with himself. I don't know what happened with my uncle, all I know is that he was... half-dead when I saw him the last time. I guess..." Ravenna's eyes became teary as she glanced at the letter and back at Undertaker. "What happened with him is written in this letter."

"Do you want to open it now?" He reached for her again, this time, him moving next to her.

"I want to hear you too."

"There's nothing to hear." He stated, playing with a lock of her hair.

Ravenna turned to him in wonder.

"Didn't I hear a promise just a second ago?"

"I changed my mind." His voice became masterful again.

She wasn't frightened a bit, though, because she read right through that facade.

"What's so funny?" He narrowed eyes angrily, forcing her to face him.

"Oh, nothing." She kept smiling.

"Tell me." He demanded.

"So it's not nice when someone else is doing this to you?" She folded hands.

Undertaker backed away from her, running away from her penetrating gaze. He got off the bed and took his black robe off the floor.

"You are jealous." She bit her lip, still smiling.

"What did he want?" He asked evenly, buttoning up the black clothing.

"To go with him." Ravenna sighed and stood up.

Undertaker turned sharply, fists clenched.

"Really?" His incredibly balanced intonation so didn't coincide with the lightly perceptible for her god complex, cracking through the shell of "I love you." The rational thinking demanded only one absolute and everyone else under it. Undertaker wasn't born to share the first place, everyone could see that. Much less what he's proven to be rightfully in his power.

Ravenna chuckled.

She was not so easily deceived. It was more "You are only mine." than "I love you." but that could vary through time. He was insanely protecting what was his. It's just that she didn't want to belong to him, she wanted to be even with him. And that was to be done very... carefully.

"Yes. He was... very persistent." She stepped to the edge of the bed, looking down at it. " And convincing too, I must say."

"And why the hell would you stay here then?"

Ravenna closed eyes and let herself fall. Oh. Interesting. Didn't expect that reaction. She heard his fast steps towards her, after feeling his arms catching her.

With the opening of her eyes, she burst in laughter.

"That's why." She patted on his chest and kept laughing.

He was frozen in an expression of surprise.

"I think... I just found the first thing I'm afraid of."

Ravenna calmed down and sighed, becoming serious again.

"Good. You should be scared of me." She turned and slowly went to the bedside cabinet, taking the letter.

Her hands shakily opened it and she sat on the bed, starting to read the beautifully arranged handwriting of Millenia. A few seconds passed in a breathless silence before Ravenna stood up and met Undertaker's questioning eyes with tears in her eyes and a wide smile.

"He's alive." She walked straight to him and leaned, uncertain that her legs would keep her straight. "He's badly wounded but alive."

"I'm glad." He said, breathing in her hair.

Suddenly a strong tapping on the front door reached their ears.

"If you don't come, I'm breaking through this door."

Ravenna met Undertaker's eyes in a matched surprise.

"Ravenna!" Grell screamed, his high pitched voice came muffled, from the outside.

"I better go and open that door, because I know he'd literally break through it." Ravenna sighed and chuckled.

Undertaker followed her silently down the stairs, flinching from the ruined ones. Ravenna glanced at him for a second, before opening the door.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was, how dare you lock yourself up like this?!" Grell shouted and kept doing so, without taking a breath. "After five days of lifeless existence in that black room of yours, you decided to lock your door today? What am I supposed to think..."

After pushing Ravenna backwards with his forceful demeanor, Grell's storming flow of words suddenly ceased. Ravenna witnessed how his irises widened in anger and hurried to take her place in front of Undertaker, who enveloped her waist gently, his eyes on the reaper in front of them.

"I'm so dismembering you and I don't care if I'm out of the Department for that." Grell mumbled, stepping to them in a blind fury.

"Grell." Ravenna commanded, making him stop and look at her.

"You kill him, you kill me." She said, simply.

Grell furrowed at her and spent a minute in glaring at Undertaker.

"What's going on here?!" He finally spoke, closing the door in exasperation.

"Why don't you come in the dining room for a cup of tea?" Ravenna smiled to him innocently. " I'll explain."

* * *

The dining room was spacious and bright, thanks to the big white-framed windows, but now the main space was taken by the big table of polished and ornamented oak and the ten chairs, keeping the same interior spirit.

Both of the reapers sat by orders of their host (though one across another) and waited for her to show up. Soon after she did, with a silver tray and the promised tea. As she poured it into the cups, she told Grell anything he needed to know, anything he'd missed and with every sentence, he looked more and more troubled.

"Are you alright, Grell?" Ravenna inquired with slight worry, after waiting for a response to her detailed description of what happened to her in the last six days. She did it more for Undertaker, though, because she wanted him to know how she felt. Undertaker kept dead silence the whole morning and Grell had joined him after his brief, angry effusion earlier.

"Perfectly fine." He grinned widely, showing his shark-like teeth.

"Yeah. Okay." Ravenna wrinkled and her eyes sank into her own tea. Grell wondrously didn't ask about the missing part of her narration, which she assiduously skipped.

"You enjoyed greatly your company last night, I assume, but I came here to invite you," Grell started, eyes fixed on Ravenna, whose skin blushed right away with the opening of that subject. "to our party tonight."

"The company of a shinigami Department is, in fact, most enjoyable at New Years and you will see that for yourself."

"New Year?" Ravenna suddenly asked, as if awoken from a dream. " What day is it?"

Grell struck her with an accusatory look.

"Thirty-first of December, 1889"

"Oh..." Ravenna was taken aback but managed to smile. "Alright. I'll come. Are you happy?"

"I should go back and tell William you're fine." Grell stood up and ignored Ravenna's eyes as he nervously left the room and soon the house.

"He seems more sad than angry. Don't know..." Ravenna bit her lip, concerned for her friend.

"He'll be fine. I'm sure he's changed his mood already." Undertaker stated, narrowing eyes at an indefinite point in the air.

"I don't think so." Ravenna sighed and suddenly smiled widely. " I got an idea."

"Hope it doesn't involve me." He looked up at the ceiling with a tortured expression.

"You're lacking compassion." Ravenna raised her intonation, playing the role of a reminder. "No, it doesn't. I just thought of a way to make him happy."

"Oh, dear." Undertaker muttered, making Ravenna chuckle.

* * *

**Yay, I'm giving you this one pretty soon after the last one. Because you waited for it a couple of months. See! Redemption? **

**Thanks for reading, though, have a great day! **


End file.
